Discipline Jokes
34 discipline jokes and hilarious discipline puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about discipline that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the hilarious jokes about self-discipline! Learn about its importance and find out why we need to have it. Laugh at funny punishments given for misconduct, and see how misbehaving can have you respawn. Find out more!
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Funniest Discipline Short Jokes
Short discipline jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The discipline humour may include short punishment jokes also.
- At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks This joke brought to you by my ten year old son
- Have you ever noticed the lack of trigger discipline cops have in movies? It's so realistic.
- My father was very disciplined and my mother was very graceful I guess that's what makes me such a disgrace
- I could never be a freelance carpenter and make my own hours. I don't have nearly enough shelf-discipline.
- If laziness were an olympic discipline... ... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium...
- Not sure which is the harder part about being vegan The discipline and focus it takes to eat that way, or the time and energy it takes to tell everyone you're a vegan.
- People say that being able to count is important in order to get somewhere in life. I disagree. The 3 most important things to obtaining success are
Discipline,
Integrity,
Respect
and Wisdom. - Long ago, my mentor told me to look into self improvement. He used to mumble a bit, though. Now I don't have the discipline to actually build one, but I know everything about constructing shelves.
- Courage, Discipline, Faith. We are the total package. Join the United States Postal Service.
- If you fully dedicate yourself to the discipline of procrastination . . . You should never face any problems.
If you do encounter problems, you are doing it wrong.
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Discipline One Liners
Which discipline one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with discipline? I can suggest the ones about rigor and chastity.
- How do you discipline your pet rock? You hit rock bottom
- How do you discipline a coffee bean? You ground it.
- What do you call a flatworm that firmly believes in discipline? A disci-planarian.
- How does a quarterback discipline his kids? Intentional Grounding
- Self-discipline is drinking 10 shots of tequila and heading back to the right home.
- I figured out how to discipline my kid without spanking Electric dog collar
- Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients. - Which vegetable has the highest discipline queuecumber
- How Do You Discipline A Ghost? Corporeal punishment
- How do you discipline bratty appliances? You pull out the plug.
- What's the most racist math discipline? Statistics.
- When it comes to discipline, I think I lack concentration camp.
- Did you hear the one about the disciplined h**...? She was very w**...-ganized!
Self Discipline Jokes
Here is a list of funny self discipline jokes and even better self discipline puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife bought a new dress and asked me if it made her look fat I said, "Of course not, honey. It's not the dress. It's your lack of discipline and self-control."
Amusing & Witty Discipline Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about discipline you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean willpower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make discipline pranks.
A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.
In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".
A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.
In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.
Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.
Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.
Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?
I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.
A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting on my seat."
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
The two troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Discipline is important
A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't s**... him."
You Wanted k**.......
Guy tells his wife he'd like to try some humiliation and discipline. So she took him to her parent's house.
Confusion reigns at the Olympics
A young journalist walked up to a track and field athlete who was warming up for his event to get an interview.
Not entirely sure of the athlete's discipline he asks, "Are you a polevaulter?"
The athlete replied, "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"
