Disciples Jokes

46 disciples jokes and hilarious disciples puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disciples that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Disciples Short Jokes

Short disciples jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disciples humour may include short apostles jokes also.

  1. Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please.
    Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you.
    Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side.
  2. Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant "Table for twenty-six, please."
    "There's only thirteen of you."
    "Yes, but we all like to sit on the same side."
  3. Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples... "Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
  4. Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant for the Last Supper. Jesus: "Table for 26 please"
    waiter: "But there are only 13 of you"
    Jesus:"Yes but we all want to sit on the same side!"
  5. A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails? Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.
  6. Proof that Jesus and his disciples were all Mexicans... It says in the Bible that they all traveled in one accord!
  7. Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples. He rises and addresses them: "I'm the son of God."
    "No way!" they say.
  8. The ninja master asked a student if they thought they could handle the next challenge. The disciple answered, shuriken!
  9. Why does Jesus Look so sad? Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.
  10. Why does Jesus always go first when the disciples go Curling? Because they let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

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Disciples One Liners

Which disciples one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disciples? I can suggest the ones about servant and apprentice.

  1. Jesus walks into a bar 12 glasses of water please
    *winks at his disciples*
  2. Jesus walks into a bar. Jesus: 12 waters please! *winks at disciples.
  3. Jesus walks into a bar "Just 12 waters please", while winking at his disciples.
  4. The Bible says you can fit 12 men in a Honda. All the disciples were in one Accord.
  5. What kind of car did Jesus drive? He and his disciples were together in one Accord.
  6. Jesus said to his disciples I am divine And you are the branches
  7. Playing guitar is a sin... ...after all, Jesus told his disciples to "fret not."
  8. What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes? HOLY MACKAREL!
  9. What did the disciples do while waiting for Jesus to die? They played crosswords.
  10. Which of the disciples were well-endowed? Judas - He was hung.
  11. Whether it be juries or disciples, 12 is not a fair number. It's 2 against 1
  12. What did Jesus text his disciples when he was on the cross? brb
  13. All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular Because Jesus was their whey

Disciples joke, All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular

Humorous Disciples Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about disciples you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disciples pranks.

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

Jesus walks into a bar…

… and orders Twelve glasses of water please.

Guru asks disciple - If there were two bags in front of you and I tell you one has money and the other has wisdom, which would you take?

Disciple: I would take the bag with the money.
Guru: (Sarcastic Laugh) I would take the bag with the wisdom.
Disciple: Each one takes what he doesn't have.

Jesus is on the cross..

..fading fast he yells to his disciple Paul.
"Paul come to me my child. Come to me!"
Paul musters all his strength to break through the crowd.
"Yes my lord, I am coming to you"
Jesus continues to yell for Paul. Paul now crying falls at Jesus feet....
"Yes my lord!!!?"
"Paul, I can see your house from here".

So Jesus walks into a restaurant with his disciples...

...and asks the maitrre'd for a table for 26.
"26? Is your whole party here sir?" He replied.
"Oh yes" said Jesus.
"But there are only 13 of you here" replied the maitrre'd.
"Well we always sit on the same side of the table" said Jesus.

When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car

As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.
One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."

So everyone's at the Last Supper...

... and Jesus is speaking to his disciples.
He says "Take this bread, for it is my body. Take this wine, for it is my blood."
Then Peter turns to Paul and whispers "Don't eat the brownies!"

Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...

Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.
Later that evening, while everyone is enjoying their food, Jesus begains in a somber tone, "One of you will betray me -
Judas: "Why do I have to do everything around here?!"

Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...

when Peter asks, Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don't you buy something like a new boat, or a palace? The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and says, Jesus saves.

Jesus and his disciples are fishing in heaven....

After a while Peter says, "hey Jesus, remember when you walked on water...that was awesome!" Jesus says, "Yeah, that was fun! I'm going to do it again!" He steps off the boat and immediately sinks to the bottom of the lake. After a lot of effort the disciples manage to get him out of the lake. Paul asks, "Jesus, what happened?" Jesus responds, "I don't know...I guess last time I wasn't as holy...."

Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.

"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"
After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.
Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.
He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"

Working for Jesus would be terrible.

One day, one of Jesus' disciples walked up to him to ask for a sick leave, and He replied "and you are healed."

h**... vs Jesus

Jesus gave his 10 disciples bread and wine.
h**... made 6 million Jews toast.

Last Supper

Recently discovered scrolls reveal Jesus' words to his disciples at the Last Supper:
"If you guys want to be in the picture, you've got to get on this side of the table."

Good Friday / Easter Joke

So it's after the resurrection and boy is Jesus in the mood for some partying. He gets the disciples together and heads for the club!
They hit the dance floor, but something is wrong - Jesus just can't seem to get in groove with the music. He tries and tries, but finally yells out. . .
Help! I've risen and I can't get down!

[OC] Why did only one of Jesus's disciples betray him?

There wasn't enough wood for a double cross.
*badum tsssss*

(Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.'

And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'

Disciples joke, (Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.'

jokes about disciples