Disciples Jokes
43 disciples jokes and hilarious disciples puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disciples that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Disciples Short Jokes
Short disciples jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disciples humour may include short apostles jokes also.
- Jesus walks into a bar with his disciples... "Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
- Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples. He rises and addresses them: "I'm the son of God."
"No way!" they say.
"Yahweh." - The ninja master asked a student if they thought they could handle the next challenge. The disciple answered, shuriken!
- Why does Jesus Look so sad? Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.
- Why does Jesus always go first when the disciples go Curling? Because they let he who is without sin cast the first stone!
- Working for Jesus would be terrible. One day, one of Jesus' disciples walked up to him to ask for a sick leave, and He replied "and you are healed."
- Last Supper Recently discovered scrolls reveal Jesus' words to his disciples at the Last Supper:
"If you guys want to be in the picture, you've got to get on this side of the table." - [OC] Why did only one of Jesus's disciples betray him? There wasn't enough wood for a double cross.
*badum tsssss* - (Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.' And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'
- The disciples are saving Jesus, taking him off the cross... Rowing with his arms, Jesus screams: First the feet, first the feet!
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Disciples One Liners
Which disciples one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disciples? I can suggest the ones about servant and apprentice.
- The Bible says you can fit 12 men in a Honda. All the disciples were in one Accord.
- What kind of car did Jesus drive? He and his disciples were together in one Accord.
- Jesus said to his disciples I am divine And you are the branches
- Playing guitar is a sin... ...after all, Jesus told his disciples to "fret not."
- What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes? HOLY MACKAREL!
- What did the disciples do while waiting for Jesus to die? They played crosswords.
- Which of the disciples were well-endowed? Judas - He was hung.
- Whether it be juries or disciples, 12 is not a fair number. It's 2 against 1
- What did Jesus text his disciples when he was on the cross? brb
- All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular Because Jesus was their whey
Humorous Disciples Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about disciples you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean followers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disciples pranks.
Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
Guru asks disciple - If there were two bags in front of you and I tell you one has money and the other has wisdom, which would you take?
Disciple: I would take the bag with the money.
Guru: (Sarcastic Laugh) I would take the bag with the wisdom.
Disciple: Each one takes what he doesn't have.
Jesus is on the cross..
..fading fast he yells to his disciple Paul.
"Paul come to me my child. Come to me!"
Paul musters all his strength to break through the crowd.
"Yes my lord, I am coming to you"
Jesus continues to yell for Paul. Paul now crying falls at Jesus feet....
"Yes my lord!!!?"
"Paul, I can see your house from here".
When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car
As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.
One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."
So everyone's at the Last Supper...
... and Jesus is speaking to his disciples.
He says "Take this bread, for it is my body. Take this wine, for it is my blood."
Then Peter turns to Paul and whispers "Don't eat the brownies!"
Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...
Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.
Later that evening, while everyone is enjoying their food, Jesus begains in a somber tone, "One of you will betray me -
Judas: "Why do I have to do everything around here?!"
Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...
when Peter asks, Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don't you buy something like a new boat, or a palace? The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and says, Jesus saves.
Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.
"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"
After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.
Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.
He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"
Good Friday / Easter Joke
So it's after the resurrection and boy is Jesus in the mood for some partying. He gets the disciples together and heads for the club!
They hit the dance floor, but something is wrong - Jesus just can't seem to get in groove with the music. He tries and tries, but finally yells out. . .
Help! I've risen and I can't get down!
Why do Jesus and the disciples always sit on one side of the table?
The other side is for the little boys.
A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years.
Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."
A teenager asks his parents to buy him a car, they agree to as long as he gets a job, a hair cut, and learns more about Jesus.
After a few weeks, he goes back to his parents and asks for a car again.
"Son, you hair is even longer now than it was before!" they said.
*Well, you see, I've been going to church lately and they're been encouraging me to be more like Jesus. Turns out he never cut his hair, he kept it long!*
"Well do you have a job yet?" they asked.
*No, Jesus didn't work and instead lived off what his disciples and the heavenly father provided for him, and you want me to be more like him!*
"True, true. Well Jesus also walked wherever he went."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus was calling to his disciple Peter
Jesus was nailed on the cross and his followers were pushed back by the Romans.
Jesus saw his favorite disciple Peter in the crowd and called out to him, "Peter come to me."
Peter tried pushing his way to his teacher and the Romans pushed back cutting his arm in the process.
Jesus again called, "Peter come to me."
Peter pushes through the next row of Romans but again meets the blade of a soldier and his other arm is cut.
Jesus pleading now, "Peter my son, come to me."
Peter makes the final push and is now crawling missing a leg cut off by an aggressive Roman.
"I'm here my master, what is it you want to tell me?"
"Peter, I can see my house from here!"
