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Discharge Jokes

50 discharge jokes and hilarious discharge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about discharge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your hospital stay more bearable with these hilarious jokes about discharge! Everyone from those getting released early to those having a colonoscopy will be amused by this collection of funny jokes about being discharged from the hospital.

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Popular Discharge Short Jokes

Short discharge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The discharge humour may include short disposal jokes also.

  1. When I came out as gay in the army, my supervising officer discharged me immediately. Then I discharged him, then he discharged me again
  2. AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
  3. I was discharged from the police academy for refusing to wear anything except Delta hats, Boeing ties, and JetBlue shirts. I just wanted to be a plane-clothes cop.
  4. My ex still misses me... Yesterday I narrowly dodged a .22 round discharged at long range.
  5. I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military. I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.
  6. A military officer was caught stealing electrons His superiors immediately had him discharged.
  7. Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge? He couldn't keep his hands off his privates
  8. Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning? He had to be honorably discharged.
  9. In WW I, US soldiers could be court martialed for contracting gonorrhoea. That's why they call it a "dishonorable discharge".
  10. Did you hear about the soldier who threw up on his commanding officer? It was a dishonorable discharge.

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Discharge One Liners

Which discharge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with discharge? I can suggest the ones about dismissal and drain.

  1. My Dad was in the hospital from being electrocuted When he left he was discharged
  2. I was kicked out of the army because I got gonorrhea It was a dishonorable discharge
  3. My army buddy was jerking off one night. He was discharged by dawn.
  4. Why did Thor leave the hospital after he lost all his powers? Because he was discharged
  5. Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge..... receives honorable discharge
  6. What's grey and red and goes 100mph? A baby bunny being discharged from my lawn mower.
  7. A woman who sits on a judges lap... Get's an honorable discharge.
  8. A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire. He suffered a Corona discharge.
  9. My first time was like being stuck by lightning It was a quick and painful discharge
  10. It wasn't a big deal when the solider got an STI It was an honorable discharge.
  11. I was discharged from the hospital Receptionist: Have a nice day, and come again!
  12. A woman who sits on a judges lap gets. . . An honourable discharge.
  13. I Had a Dream I was Leaving the Army.... I woke up with my discharge in my hand.
  14. How did Thor find out he had an STI? Electric discharge.
  15. Did you hear about the phone cord in the army? He was discharged.

Hospital Discharge Jokes

Here is a list of funny hospital discharge jokes and even better hospital discharge puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was the chronic masturbater restrained to his hospital bed? He kept trying to discharge himself
  • Did you hear about the gun that was admitted to the Emergency Room at the hospital? Everyone freaked out when it was prematurely discharged
Discharge joke, Did you hear about the gun that was admitted to the Emergency Room at the hospital?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about discharge can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of discharge puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Discharge Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about discharge you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean firing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make discharge prank.

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

What do the military and s**... have in common?

The closer you get to discharge the better it feels.

I was kicked out of the army when they caught me m**....

They said it was a dishonorable discharge.

A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

Help

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

A nurse goes to sign a discharge form and pulls a r**... thermometer out of her pocket.

'Oh great, some a**...'s got my pen.'

Did you know...

An AGM guided missile has an e**... big enough to wreck several decks on a warship?
Anyways, I got dishonorably discharged from the navy

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.
Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.
Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.
Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.
Next I s**... up at the gun manufacturers, so I was quickly discharged.
Next I was printing thesauruses, but then my job was made redundant.
Now I'm growing magenta bananas, but I think I might get a pink slip.

What do you call it when a veteran nuts in a p**...?

Dishonorable discharge.

Currently the most offensive joke going through my head.

What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang r**... by her fellow Marines?
A Dishonourable Discharge.

What do you call a r**... baby?

A dishonourable discharge.

What do you get when you have s**... with a dirty sailor?

Dishonorable discharge

A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.

The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."

I discharged my cat because she was all staticky

It's dangerous to have charged cat-pacitors laying around.

There was a really fast runner who was admitted to an asylum.

He did his time and was released as a "rehabilitated man".
The day he was discharged his father came to pick him up.
His father approached him and asked one question :- "So...Usain?"

Discharge joke, There was a really fast runner who was admitted to an asylum.

jokes about discharge

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these discharge jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.