The Best 37 Discharge Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Discharge jokes. There are some discharge rectal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these discharge unload puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Discharge Jokes and Puns

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

Did you hear what happened to the private who got caught sleeping with his drill instructor's Chlamydia infected wife?

He got an oily discharge.

Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge?

He couldn't keep his hands off his privates

Discharge joke, Why did the drill sergeant get a dishonorable discharge?

I was kicked out of the army because I got gonorrhea

It was a dishonorable discharge

A woman who sits on a judges lap...

Get's an honorable discharge.


Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

A nurse goes to sign a discharge form and pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket.

'Oh great, some arsehole's got my pen.'

Discharge joke, A nurse goes to sign a discharge form and pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket.

I Had a Dream I was Leaving the Army....

I woke up with my discharge in my hand.

Kicked out of the military

Kicked out of the military for masturbating in the mess hall.

Said it was a dishonorable discharge.

Did you hear about the prisoner that really wanted to get out of prison?

He's seeking early discharge from his long penal stretch.

Why was the chronic masturbater restrained to his hospital bed?

He kept trying to discharge himself

You can explore discharge colonoscopy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean discharge emission dad jokes. There are also discharge puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Currently the most offensive joke going through my head.

What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang raped by her fellow Marines?

A Dishonourable Discharge.

What do you call a navy seal and a used defiblirator?

An honorable discharge.
(Yah it's trash I know)

What do you call a rape baby?

A dishonourable discharge.

Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection?

She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.

An army general had to fire his secretary after sleeping together and things got wierd

He gave her an honorable discharge

Discharge joke, An army general had to fire his secretary after sleeping together and things got wierd

I was discharged from the hospital

Receptionist: Have a nice day, and come again!

Did you hear the one about the soldier who came home unexpectedly ?

His wife woke up to find him standing at the foot of the bed with his discharge in his hands.

In WW I, US soldiers could be court martialed for contracting gonorrhoea.

That's why they call it a "dishonorable discharge".


A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

I was kicked out of the army when they caught me masturbating.

They said it was a dishonorable discharge.

What do the military and sex have in common?

The closer you get to discharge the better it feels.

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire.

He suffered a Corona discharge.

Did you hear about the soldier who threw up on his commanding officer?

It was a dishonorable discharge.

TIL that in the British Navy, boarding the wrong submarine is grounds for discharge.

I discharged my cat because she was all staticky

It's dangerous to have charged cat-pacitors laying around.

A woman who sits on a judges lap gets. . .

An honourable discharge.

It wasn't a big deal when the solider got an STI

It was an honorable discharge.

How did Thor find out he had an STI?

Electric discharge.

I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military.

I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.

The local magistrate just got arrested for soliciting the services of a prostitute.

He got off with an honourable discharge.

My first time was like being stuck by lightning

It was a quick and painful discharge

How does a highly decorated sniper retire his old trusty sniper rifle?

With an honorable discharge.

A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.

The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."

What do you get when you have sex with a dirty sailor?

Dishonorable discharge

What do you call it when a veteran nuts in a prostitute?

Dishonorable discharge.

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,

"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the discharge fired jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working discharge swab piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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