The Best 85 Disc Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disc jokes. There are some disc siesta jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disc disc jockey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Disc Jokes and Puns

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

Discussing with a woman is like reading software license terms.

In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".

Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

Disc joke, Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

How do you discuss cheese with a Welshman?

Very Caerphilly.

Who discovered Victoria Falls?

Whoever tripped her.


Why was the middle aged computer sad?

He had a floppy disc.

Discipline is important

A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't spank him."

Disc joke, Discipline is important

While discussing trigonometry, two mathematicians had a disagreement over the best method for measuring angles.

It turned into a protracted argument.

I've discovered I have the power to control minds

Just mine so far.

Blonde watching a movie

Blonde: Last night I watched a movie. Hated it. Sat there for two hours with no sound nor video.

Me: What was the name of the movie?

Blonde: "no disc inserted"

I discovered a Star Wars themed sex technique...

I call it the Hands Solo

You can explore disc audiences reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disc ocdc dad jokes. There are also disc puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers.

#

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

A kid has a pear-shaped head

The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of the other kids said. "My mom ate a scratched disc when she was pregnant with me and nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...happened."

I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

Because I wasn't wearing a condom.

Disc joke, I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

Was the discovery of a new planet an accident?

or did they planet

What do you call a pan-sexual man named Nick who works at a CD store?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.


If someone on this sub discovers a new type of rock they should name it something funny.

Amirite?

I went to a disco last night.

I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

I went to a disco last night (variation)

The DJ said, "Sing with me". I sang with him.
The DJ said, "Put your hands together". I put my hands together while singing along.

The DJ said, "Come on everyone". I was thrown out of the Disco.

I discovered this new drug that makes you indifferent to the world...

It's called Crystal Meh.

After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:

"We'll tear your Seoul apart"

Discrimination

Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."

"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"

"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"

"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"

Someone discovered my password.

Now I have to rename my dog.

I think I discovered the secret to immortality.

Unfortunately it's going to take forever to test.

Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

I don't discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes...

In fact you could call me a fashist

They just discovered a lesbian dinosaur and are calling it...

Lickalotapus.

I'm not a discriminatory person, and I'll say it again : It doesn't matter for me if you're gay, bi, trans, black

or normal.

A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?

Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.

I do not discriminate between white-collar and blue-collar workers

Because I am collar-blind.

At the disco:

"So whats a cute girl like you doing all by herself?"

"I had to fart"

Adam's discussion with God

So Adam is walking around the Garden of Eden and he calls out to God that he's kinda bored and lonely. He asks God if he can create someone who is kind and admires and serves him(Adam) in every way. God responds He can, but it's going to cost an arm and a leg, so Adam asks what he can get for a rib.

Never discuss Ο€ with a mathematician...

You'll never hear the end of it!

A discussion me and my wife just had

*Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*

Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!

Wife:*sigh*.. I know..

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

A new discovery is made pertaining to the ethnicity of Ancient Egyptian Kings

Archaeologists have discovered that the kings of Ancient Egypt were in fact black. Upon unwrapping the gold sarcophagus they found the body of a dark chocolate skinned man. The legendary Pharaoh Rocher.

I've discovered a simple and easily reversible birth control method!

It's called 'not having a girlfriend'

My friend invented a machine that can take a disc out of a console, then put a new one in

It's a game changer

you'd think a discussion about water would be boring

but it's never a dry subject

How do you discipline a coffee bean?

You ground it.

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

I tried to discuss multidimensional physics with a friend today

But he didn't want to talk about such dark matter.

Why does everyone try to discredit Flat Earthers?

It's like there's a global conspiracy.

I discharged my cat because she was all staticky

It's dangerous to have charged cat-pacitors laying around.

If the U.S. ever discovered Time Travel

It would go back in time and invade itself for oil.

A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings...

Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.

It's been discovered that Mary was not infact a virgin when Jesus was born.

It was an inaccurate conception.

Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?

Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!

We were discussing the races and dwarvs are my favorite. The reason?

They always appear to be down to earth.

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

What do you call a hard drive after sex?

A floppy disc

The disc drive on my DVD player is busted. I guess you could say it has...

Ejectile disfunction.

I made a vinyl disc with grooves in 2 minutes.

I think that's a record.ο»Ώ

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.

They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet

It's got scientists scratching their heads.

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

I just discovered that chronic diarrhea is hereditary.

Apparently it runs in your genes.

Do you know how flat-earthers call 2020?

Panic! At The Disc

They just discovered the first lesbian dinosaur

It's called a Lickalottapus

I just discovered I can't get sick on Saturdays or Sundays

Turns out I have a weekend immune system.

I have discovered real life magicians

Whenever the police appears, people vanish.

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy,

the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age, the neighbor said. Sexuality?! the mother yelled. He took out her appendix!

I've discovered some similar thing between cars and humans.

The older they are, the more maintenance is required.

First we discovered TikTok was a Chinese spying app, then we discovered China was putting spyware in the electronics they sell us...

And today the fortune cookie in my Chinese food reminded me I needed to buy milk.

It has been discovered that you can get HIV from a toilet seat

If you sit down before the other gets up

Just discovered whiteboards

Remarkable

So I was on discord and this guy tells me

I have an 11 kill streak.

So I asked on which game

He said, no I don't play games, I'm a police officer.

I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.

It's a piece of cake.

How many Discord users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer dark mode.

What do you call a dj-ing kangaroo?

Disc joey

I discovered the secret of randomness.

It's not what you expect

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

I discovered where they keep all the dad jokes

The dad-a-base...

I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.

I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.

I've just discovered Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother…

Broco Lee

I've just discovered that the kids next door stole my credit card to pay for their Mom's boob job

Just wait till I get my hands on them!

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

I've discovered that alcohol contains female hormones

After drinking you can't drive, you never stop talking and have to sit while peeing.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disc jovi jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disc wii piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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