disc Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious disc puns

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

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I went to a disco last night.

I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

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If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

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I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

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How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

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I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

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I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

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I discovered that my socks exhibit quantum entanglement.

As soon as I put on my left sock, the other sock immediately becomes the right sock, and vice versa, regardless of the distance between them.

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I've discovered that 1+1 can, in fact, equal 3.

Because I wasn't wearing a condom.

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Discrimination

Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."

"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"

"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"

"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"

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Why was the middle aged computer sad?

He had a floppy disc.

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I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers.

#

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I got a new porno the other day

I turned on my tv, popped the disc in and the first thing I saw was some fat guy staring at me holding his dick. Then I realized the tv didn't turn on.

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

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I discovered I have a "Logic Fetish"

I can't stop cumming to conclusions.

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I discovered this new drug that makes you indifferent to the world...

It's called Crystal Meh.

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A kid has a pear-shaped head

The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of the other kids said. "My mom ate a scratched disc when she was pregnant with me and nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...happened."

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Let's discuss nuclear power

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

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I just discovered that an Asian has broken into my house.

All my math, physics, biology, and chemistry homework was done, my computer was upgraded, and that little fucker was still trying to back out of my driveway.

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My friend invented a machine that can take a disc out of a console, then put a new one in

It's a game changer

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A new discovery which makes dogs live as long as human beings...

Allowing a loving bond between them and their non vaccinated owners had been discovered.

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If someone on this sub discovers a new type of rock they should name it something funny.

Amirite?

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How do you discipline a coffee bean?

You ground it.

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Why does everyone try to discredit Flat Earthers?

It's like there's a global conspiracy.

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Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

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A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?

Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.

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Discovering heaven...

John is on his way to his home after a hard day of work. After a few minutes of walking he sees a rope coming down from the shy. He's curious and climbs it. When he's at the top, he notices St. Petrus, who is waiting at the gate to heaven.

"So another dead man?" he says.

"No" answers John "I just saw a rope that was coming down from the sky and climbed it. Would you mind if I take a quick look around the place?"

"Not at all, but you have to get back here before 17.00h, because then I take the rope back and there is no way back"


After some time in heaven, John notices that it's 17.15h. He runs as fast as he can to the gate, just in time to see how Petrus stores the rope back.

"You fool! Now you can't go back!"

"Isn't there no other way" asks John in fear.

"Well, I could change you into a spider, so you could weave your way back to earth, and when you get back on the ground you will change again into a human being"

So John accepts this...

After a while he's nearly back on earth, but with 30 metres left, he can't go any further.

With some hard work he manages to get down 5 more metres and...


JOHN! WAKE UP! YOU'RE SHITTING ALL OVER THE BED!

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you'd think a discussion about water would be boring

but it's never a dry subject

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Never discuss π with a mathematician...

You'll never hear the end of it!

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The wife and i settled to watch a porno...

The wife and I settled down to watch a porno when she shouted "My God!! That's our daughter!!" I quickly ejected the disc and looked at it."It's a home movie." I said. "It must have got mixed up on the shelf. I'll have strong words with her about this, love. Leave it to me."


Thank God she didn't recognise my ass.

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Discussing with a woman is like reading software license terms.

In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".

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I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

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Who discovered Victoria Falls?

Whoever tripped her.

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What do you call a pan-sexual man named Nick who works at a CD store?

Pan Nick at the Disc Co.

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It's been discovered that Mary was not infact a virgin when Jesus was born.

It was an inaccurate conception.

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What are the most funny Disc jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Disc? Well, here are the best Disc dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Disc pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes