The Best 46 Disbelief Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disbelief jokes. There are some disbelief skeptical jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disbelief aback puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Disbelief Jokes and Puns

How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer?

She was in udder disbelief.

Sigmund Freud is talking to his buddy ...

... and the conversation turns to sex, as often happens. Freud says, "I'm thinking about taking out Carl's daughter."

"Carl's daughter?" says the buddy in disbelief. "Isn't she a little Jung?"

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

Disbelief joke, A blonde walks into a library..

Regular Russia, not the Soviet one

Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.

My grandpa's favorite joke

A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"


English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....

.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.

Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!

Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?

(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

Disbelief joke, A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

A blonde goes to the doctors and both of her ears are red...

The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?
She replies, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The son-of-a-bitch called back."

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar.

The drunk claims to be Jesus, but the priest doesn't believe him. The drunk insists, so the priest demands the drunk prove it. At this, the drunk leads the priest into the bar, upon which the bartender exclaims in disbelief "Jesus Christ, not you again."

my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.

I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"

he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"

The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"

"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse

"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"

The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"

You can explore disbelief frustration reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disbelief astonishment dad jokes. There are also disbelief puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My grandpa always told me this joke, hope you like it.

A frog in trousers hopped across a meadow.

Upon meeting a rabbit, the frog said:

"I am a cow, I am a cow!".

The rabbit looked angry and said,

"You are not a cow, you're a frog!".

So the frog pulled down his trousers and the rabbit stuttered in disbelief: "Holy cow!"

Two men are hunting together in a tree stand.

One leans over to his friend and says
"Hey I can see your house from up here! I can see through the window, it looks like your wife is cheating on you with some guy."
The husband in disbelief says to the other,
"Well if you can, shoot her in the head and him in the nuts. That'll teach them a lesson."
His buddy giggles as he raises his gun and says, "I can get that in one shot!"

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief

the other is pro wrestling.

Jewish Joke

Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone has to die I would rather it be one of them".

Disbelief joke, Jewish Joke

2 little boys are arguing

About whose dad has a better job. First says "mines a Dr." second says " well mines a lawyer" first says in disbelief " honest? " second says " naw the usual kind"

A pedo and a little boy walk into the woods....

The boy, crying and hesitantly following the pedo says "Mr, can i go home? Its dark and im scared."

The pedo looks at him in disbelief and says, "imagine how i feel, i have to walk home alone."

You are what you eat...

...said one squirrel to another.

The other said in disbelief, "You're nuts."


A man is sitting at a bar in Las Vegas, crying.

The Bartender notices him and asks him what's wrong.

The man answers:''I lost over 50 grand this weekend betting on sports. I Went 0-8 in Baseball, 0-13 in Basketball, 0-6 In Football and 0-9 in Soccer."

The bartender, in disbelief, tries to soothe the man:"Have you ever tried betting on Hockey?"

The man quickly responds:"Of course not. I don't know anything about hockey!"

Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk

So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?

Roof, the dog barked.

Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.

Rough.

He still wasn't convinced.

O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.

Ruth.

With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

A horse walks into a bar

and says "bartender, one beer please!"

The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "Did.. did you just talk?!"

"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse

"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"

The horse replied "Why? Do they need a plumber?"

A man is in bed with a naked five year old boy.

When the man's wife comes home, she sees this, drops everything in disbelief, and yells, "I can't believe you got a dog without telling me!"

I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife

She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"

"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond

"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed naked all week with my legs spread"

"Why" i asked, " you don't have a vase?"

Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50Β°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25Β°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50Β° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No doc, I can't even do drugs, I'm a paper bag"

" Well there's only 1 other explanation, your mum must have been a carrier"

(True story, for what it's worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

Like the Spanish Armada? I asked.

Yeah, he said and I shook my head in disbelief.

Well, I sighed. At least he isn't called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.

A boy really likes a girl

so he asks her out to the prom. She says yes, so they go. At the prom, she asks for him to get some punch. He goes, and to his disbelief, there's no punch line.

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".

The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

Deadass?

Farmer in disbelief that his donkey has passed away

Four surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.

The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".

The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."

The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."

The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.

The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."

A prison guard is trying to catch someone escaping

The prisoner was a little person who climbed the fence and as he was going down the other side he laughed at the guard. The guard watched in disbelief thinking, "Now that is a little con-decending."

I laughed in disbelief when I saw Kanye West was running for president.

But with his recent incoherent twitter ramblings, he seems like he is more than qualified.

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, You're shirtless and also covered in… oil?! I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."

So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

I *almost* got that...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in… olive oil?!

I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

I haven't had sex since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer

He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"

The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."

The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.

"Shit, they got my girl too."

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar.

Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."


His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."


Dave says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Guy walks into a bar completely naked...

except for a beat up old sneaker on one foot. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender Hey man, can I get a beer?

The bartender shakes his head in disbelief, pours him a beer, and hands it to him. The bartender says Sir uh... I can't help but notice... you seem to have lost a shoe.

The man replies Nah dude I found one!

A man walks into a bar.

A man walks into a bar and asks,

"Does anyone here own the Rottweiler outside?"

"Yeah, I do!" says a biker, standing up. "What about it?"

"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..." The man hesitated.

"What are you talking about?!" the biker says in disbelief. "How could your little runt kill my Rottweiler?"

"Well, he got stuck in your dog's throat."

My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language

I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was all done or wanted more food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate. It's so amazing that, at just 13 months old, he can already get my wife to stop talking.

And elderly couple...

hire an attorney and tell him they want to get divorced. He looks at them in shocked disbelief and exclaims, "Henry! Dorothy! You are both in your 90s. You've been married for 72 years. Why do you want a divorce now?"

Dorothy looks him in the eye and says, "It's been awful, but we wanted to wait until the children were dead."

Alligator in a bar

Says to the bartender, see that woman over there? I'm gonna eat her.
Bartender says you do and you'll fall fast asleep.
In disbelief the Alligator does just that. Eats the woman and proceeds to fall asleep for some time. Wakes up befuddled and asks the bartender how did you know?
Bartender says easy,
Thats a bar bitch you ate

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disbelief disdain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disbelief sceptical piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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