Entertaining Disappear Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
The Magic Mirror
In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.
A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.
Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone
Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.
Magical Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The blonde goes up. I think– p**...!"
My nickname is Snapchat....
My nickname is Snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever.
A magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says "uno... Dos..." And then vanishes.
He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician says he's going to make himself disappear on the count of three..
He says, uno.. Dos.. And then he vanished without a tres!
The Mexican Magician
A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.
A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick
The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!
Hispanic Magician
So a Mexican magician stands up in front of his audience and tells them, "Ok hombres, on the count of three, I'm gonna make myself disappear! Uno, dos..." p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says "uno... dos..." *p**...*! and disappears without a tres.
You can explore disappear reappear reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disappear magician dad jokes. There are also disappear puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A spanish magician ...
A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.
I once saw a Mexican magician
He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.
The Spanish magician
So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three".
"Unos..... Dos...." *BANG!" in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican magician?
He told his audience that he'd disappear on the count of 3. He counted "Uno! Dos!"... And disappeared without a tres.
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
The Mexican magician
There was a Mexican magician who could make anything disappear. One skeptical man wanted to see him do a trick so the Mahican said I will make you disappear on the count of 3.... Uno.. Dos... Then POOFF gone without a tres.
A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...*
He disappeared without a tres.
I went to see a Spanish magician
I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three.
He started counting.
"Uno! Dos!"
And then he was gone. Without a tres.
A Mexican magician says that he can disappear on the count of three.
"Uno, dos...", he says before he was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
A Spanish magician says he can make himself disappear on the count of 3
Uno, dos... Suddenly the magician disappears without a tres.
Just announced, they are making a movie based on Tetris...
Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.
A Mexican performs a magic trick.
He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *p**...* … he disappeared without a tres!
So, there's a Mexican Magician
A Mexican Magician stands up on stage in front of a kids birthday party. He looks at the kids with a smile and says, "Okay kids, on the count of three, I'm gonna disappear." He holds up his fingers and starts counting "Uno, Dos..." and then he disappeared without a tres.
I once saw a Spanish magician...
He told the audience that he was going to make his hat disappear on the count of three. So he tapped it with his wand and said, "Uno, dos," and it disappeared without a très.
Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?
Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring h**... as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
Friends are like snow
when you pee on them, they disappear.
I think my girlfriend is a magician.
She makes my paycheck disappear.
A Mexican magician tells his audience...
"I will disappear on the count of three."
He counts down.. "Uno... dos..."
And then he disappears, without a tres.
A Mexican magician tells a crowd he's going to disappear on the count of three...
He begins the countdown. "Uno, dos..." then, p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three
He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.
How can you tell if a psychopath is a magician?
They make everyone disappear.
There was once a great Mexican Magician...
There was once a great Mexican Magician. He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count;
uno
dos
and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.
A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear
Ahh Migraines!
A Mexican magician came up to me and said "I can disappear in 3 seconds"
"uno"
"dos"
...
he disappeared without a tres.
What does toilet paper and the Avatar have in common?
They disappear when the world needs them most.
Magic carpet
A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.
It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a p**...!"
The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."
She vanished with a p**...!
The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"
She vanished with a p**...!
Why did the German Christmas cake disappear?
Because it was stollen.
A Spanish magician said "I am going to disappear on a count to three..."
"Uno.... Dos...." and he disappears, without a tres
A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3
He says uno, dos... then p**..., he disappears without a tres
Deal with your problems like Jesus did
Pretend you're dead and disappear for three days.
An infallible way of curing a headache...
Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.
Doctor- I've got good news and bad news...
Take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life and all your symptoms will disappear.
Man- That's great! But I see there are only three pills in this bottle.
Doctor- Yeah, well... I was getting to the bad news.
There is a magic mirror that will make anyone who lies disappear.
First, an old lady stands before it and tells herself, "I think I look young." And *p**...* she vanishes.
Next, an ugly woman looks at her reflection and says, "I think I am beautiful." And *p**...* she also disappears.
Then, a blonde woman takes her turn with the mirror. "I think..." and *p**...* she's gone.
A Mexican magician was finishing up his act...
It was time for his big finale.
"And now, for my final trick, I will make myself disappear on the count of three!"
"Uno! Dos!"
p**...!
He was gone without a tres.
A Mexican magician stands before his audience.
And for my last trick. I will disappear on the count of 3... Uno. Dos. *p**...* and the magician vanished, without a tres.
A Mexican magician said he could disappear in three seconds. So he counted, uno, dos, and then he was gone
He disappeared without a tres
I got kicked out of a bar for being too good of a magician.
Apparently making all the ladies disappear is bad for business.
I once went to see a show with a Mexican Magician...
... and for his finale he announced he would make himself disappear on the count of the 3.
He yelled " Uno. Dos...." and then disappeared without a tres....
I've decided to call my mother-in-law the 'Exorcist'
...because every time she came to visit she'd make all the spirits disappear
A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"
"Get married," replies the Rabbi.
"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"
"Not really, but the desire will disappear."
A Spanish magician was showing a trick..
"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres!
What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?
\- Peak Aboo.
And which one gives them a flu?
\- Peak Achoo.
There was a famous Mexican magician.
His name was Gustavo. His signature trick is he would say "Uno, dos," and *p**...*! He would disappear without a tres.
A cruise magician...
... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".
One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.
They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".
[OC] Life is like a game of Tetris...
When you fit in, you disappear
Did you hear about the Spanish speaking magician?
He said for my next trick, I will disappear on the count of three. Uno, dos - but then he vanished without a tres.
Great Easter joke I heard today
**Wife:** "What are your plans for Easter?"
**Husband**: "Same as Jesus."
**Wife**: "What do you mean?"
**Husband**: "I will disappear on Friday and and reappear on Monday."
**Wife**: "AWESOME, if you do that I'll do the same as Mary."
**Husband**: "What do you mean?"
**Wife**: "Show up pregnant, untouched by my husband"
Husband stayed home all Easter.
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.
He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.
You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'Uno, dos… and p**...!
He disappeared without a tres.
"And for my final act," said the Spanish Magician, "I will DISAPPEAR! Uno, dos..."
And he vanished without a tres.
Magician: I can make anything disappear!
Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
Magician: (waves hand) Done!
om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
A Mexican Magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says, Uno, Dos........ *p**...*....... he disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3.
He goes,"Uno, Dos...." and p**...!
He disappears without a Tres.
How do you get people to notice and care about you?
Disappear suddenly.
Did you hear about the alcoholic medium?
He made all the spirits disappear.
"We call hard-drinking Ian an exorcist." "Why?" asks the bartender.
"When he shows up, all the spirits disappear."
A mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three he said uno dos p**...
He disappeared without a tres
With great flourish, the Mexican magician exclaimed, "On the count of three, I shall make myself disappear!"
"Uno!!!"
"Dos!!!"
...and then he vanished, without a tres.
Why are bassists considered cowardly?
Because they disappear at the first sign of treble.
A short joke for my cakeday
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." p**.... He disappeared without a tres.
Spanish Magician
A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.
Did you hear about the mexican magician?
He said, "I'm going to disappear." "Uno, dos,..." He was gone without a tres :-)
I used to know a Spanish magician...
He told me that he could disappear on the count of three.
Then he said *uno, dos.....*
and disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician says that he'll disappear on the count of three.
Uno… dos… p**...!
He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3
He says "uno, dos..." *p**...*. He disappeared without a tres.
A Mexican magician says he'll disappear on the count of 3.
"Uno, dos..." p**...!
He disappeared without a tres.
There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished.
He disappeared without a tres
Magician: I can make anything disappear
Magician: I can make disappear
Why did the Mafia hire a magician?
They heard he was an expert in making people disappear.
Did you hear about the magician who made an entire art gallery disappear?
Now museum, now you don't
What do you call someone who makes numbers disappear?
A mathmagician
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now.
And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
The greatest magic trick
A world famous Hispanic magician walked on stage to thunderous applause from a large crowd. He announced to the audience that he would disappear before their very eyes before the count of three. He begins the count Uno, Dos.. POOF! He disappeared without a Tres.
