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Disappear Jokes

110 disappear jokes and hilarious disappear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disappear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Be entertained by some of the funniest disappear jokes ever! These jokes about making things quickly disappear or fade, or about hocus pocus magic will have you rolling on the ground in laughter. Read on and don't forget to be patient when waiting for things to reappear!

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Funniest Disappear Short Jokes

Short disappear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disappear humour may include short vanishes jokes also.

  1. Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
  2. Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now. And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
  3. I ordered a balloon on aliexpress Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?
  4. TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the french flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
  5. Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors. Because they were Veteran Aryans.
  6. Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.
  7. There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished. He disappeared without a tres
  8. A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' He replies "He's a magician."
    She asks "Is he good?"
    He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago."
  9. Magician: I can make anything disappear! Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
    Magician: (waves hand) Done!

    om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
  10. My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.

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Disappear One Liners

Which disappear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disappear? I can suggest the ones about appearing and going away.

  1. A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear Ahh Migraines!
  2. When they buried the man who invented Tetris ...the whole cemetery disappeared.
  3. Friends are like snow when you pee on them, they disappear.
  4. Deal with your problems like Jesus did Pretend you're dead and disappear for three days.
  5. How do you make one disappear? Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
  6. [OC] Life is like a game of Tetris... When you fit in, you disappear
  7. Did you hear about the father who became a woman and disappeared? He was transparent.
  8. Why did the German Christmas cake disappear? Because it was stollen.
  9. What do you call a disappearing President? Hocus POTUS
  10. Did you hear about the alcoholic medium? He made all the spirits disappear.
  11. Why are bassists considered cowardly? Because they disappear at the first sign of treble.
  12. I think my girlfriend is a magician. She makes my paycheck disappear.
  13. What sort of deer disappears when you turn the light on? A shadoe
  14. My girlfriend said, "I want tonight to be magical" So I disappeared
  15. Frodo is a great nickname for a friend... ...who disappears after he puts a ring on.

Disappear Faster Than Jokes

Here is a list of funny disappear faster than jokes and even better disappear faster than puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As a male college student, the only thing that's disappearing faster than my money... is my Kleenex.
Disappear joke, As a male college student, the only thing that's disappearing faster than my money...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about disappear can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of disappear puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Entertaining Disappear Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about disappear you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean hiding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make disappear prank.

I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared.

I thought, "Thats the biggest wave I've ever seen."

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

So I got a virus on my computer

And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.
Must have ransomware.

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"

A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...

They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."

An angel appears at a faculty meeting...

... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

Genie with a flaw

A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And the genie disappears.
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

The Magic Mirror

In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.
A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.
Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone
Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

A wizard walked into a gay bar

and disappeared with a p**....

So Descartes walks into a bar

and he asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender gets it for him and he drinks it. The philosopher calls the bartender over again, asks for another one, gets it, and drinks it. This time, the bartender sees him finish the beer and goes over and asks Descartes if he'd like another. The philosopher says, "I think not," and disappears.

My nickname is Snapchat....

My nickname is Snapchat because I only last 5 seconds and then disappear forever.

The Mexican Magician

A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick

The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3...

He says "uno... dos..." *p**...*! and disappears without a tres.

A spanish magician ...

A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.

I once saw a Mexican magician

He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *p**...*. I was gone without a Tres.

I hate it when..

I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,
My white friend in snow,
My Chinese friend in sand,
And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.

A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs

The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*

A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...*

He disappeared without a tres.

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *p**...* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the horse.

A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...

When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.

Alcoholic Horse

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?
The horse ponders for a minute and responds, I don't think I am , and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, I think, therefore I am.
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

A Spanish magician is at a party

He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," p**....

He disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican performs a magic trick.

He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *p**...* … he disappeared without a tres!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"
The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*p**...!* the brunette disappears.
The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*p**...!* the redhead disappears.
The blonde says, "I think..." *p**...!*

I was up late last night, trying to figure out why the sun disappeared

Then it dawned on me....

René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, Would you like a beer?

Descartes replies, I think not, and promptly disappears.

A Mexican magician tells his audience...

"I will disappear on the count of three."
He counts down.. "Uno... dos..."
And then he disappears, without a tres.

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

Today I saw this absolutely stunning color that I've never seen before! It was indescribable, but when I blinked, it disappeared.

I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination.

There was once a great Mexican Magician...

There was once a great Mexican Magician. He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count;
uno
dos
and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick.

"Uno, dos..." *p**...* he disappeared without a tres.

A Mexican magician came up to me and said "I can disappear in 3 seconds"

"uno"
"dos"
...
he disappeared without a tres.

A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3

He says uno, dos... then p**..., he disappears without a tres

I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.."

And then he disappeared without a tres

Doctor- I've got good news and bad news...

Take one of these pills every day for the rest of your life and all your symptoms will disappear.
Man- That's great! But I see there are only three pills in this bottle.
Doctor- Yeah, well... I was getting to the bad news.

A city in northern England has mysteriously disappeared

The police are still searching for Leeds

Two guys are walking in the rain

A speeding car splashes them with water before disappearing.
o**... says to the other, You know if this was Paris, they would stop, take you to their house, take your wet clothes, offer you drinks, and let you spend the night.
No way! says the other guy.
Yes way, says the first guy. It happened to my wife.

A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

A Spanish magician told the crowd he'll make himself vanish on the count of 3. He goes "Uno, dos...

And *p**...*..... He disappeared without a tres.

A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

A Spanish magician was showing a trick..

"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres!

Three gay men are at a bar.

The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.

If I had the power of invisibility,

I would end every argument by disappearing and saying "have I made myself clear?"

Hey Descartes, I bet I can beat you in a footrace!

I think not! Descartes replies.
And p**...!
He instantly disappears.

Making love for the first time

Before my girlfriend and i made love for the first time, she said, "i want this night to be magical"
so after we made love
***i disappeared***

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies I think not and disappears.
This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'Uno, dos… and p**...!

He disappeared without a tres.

I heard they're making a Tetris movie...

They can't get the script done. Every time they write a line, it disappears.

Mexican Magician

Uno... Dos... p**...
He disappeared...
Without a tres.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and p**... he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear at the count of 3.
He goes,"Uno, Dos...." and p**...!
He disappears without a Tres.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

With great flourish, the Mexican magician exclaimed, "On the count of three, I shall make myself disappear!"

"Uno!!!"

"Dos!!!"

...and then he vanished, without a tres.

A short joke for my cakeday

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." p**.... He disappeared without a tres.

Spanish Magician

A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.

Did you hear about the mexican magician?

He said, "I'm going to disappear." "Uno, dos,..." He was gone without a tres :-)

What to pick

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

Was happily watching the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra

When the guy on the triangle disappeared

I was always told you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself

I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3

He says "uno, dos..." *p**...*. He disappeared without a tres.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"
"I'm gonna do it," o**... tells the other and disappears through the church door.
5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.
"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.

Disappear joke, Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...

jokes about disappear

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these disappear jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.