The Best 48 Disagree Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Disagree jokes. There are some disagree mutually jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these disagree tend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Disagree Jokes and Puns

You should not disagree with my spear

It has a point.

My friends all say I'm a cocaine addict, but I disagree.

I just like the smell.

A son asks his father 'what's a joke?'

'It's when you disparage any group with whom you disagree, confirming the existing bias of you and your audience.'

'But Mum says jokes satirise our shared biases, prompting us to think differently.'

'Well what would she know, women aren't funny.'

'Oh dad, you've got such a good sense of humour. I wonder why Mum divorced you?'

Disagree joke, A son asks his father 'what's a joke?'

My wife says I think of her as a sex object...

I can't disagree though because everytime I ask for sex... She objects.

People say I'm quite contrarian.

But I disagree.


My wife says I never take out the trash. I disagree.

We just had our anniversary dinner last week.

9 out of 10 Americans agree

...that out of 10 Americans, one American will always disagree with the other nine.

Disagree joke, 9 out of 10 Americans agree

My wife believes in compromise

If we agree on something we do it my way, and if we disagree we do it her way.

People tell me that you shouldn't buy bootleg products because the quality isn't very good...

I disagree. I recently purchased a copy of the black keys newest album from a guy on the street. The quality of their #1 hit "Pyrite on the Ceiling" was superb.

Some say the quickest way to mans heart is food. As an experienced heart surgeon, I disagree...

It's sex.

People say ambidextrous people contradict themselves.

On the other hand, I disagree.

You can explore disagree misogynist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean disagree prone dad jokes. There are also disagree puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution.

I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.

I play the world's most dangerous sport.

I ~~sometimes~~ occasionally disagree with my wife.

Some people say that you can't stop feminists

I disagree; just close the kitchen door.

My mother said it would be impossible for me to be a bartender

I tend to disagree

An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable

I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.

Disagree joke, An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable

There isn't a lot of water in Egypt.

And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.

They say Mitch McConnell is spineless. I disagree.

Snakes definitely have spines.

Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians?

Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same


I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

What is the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?

Says one man to another. The second replies, it's maid Marian, isn't it? . The first man scoffs and replies absolutely not, her name is Trudy Glenn.
At this point the second man is beyond confused and questions the statement I disagree, I can't say I've ever heard of her.
The first man says haven't you heard the song? To which he is replied to with what song?
'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn.'

People say that being able to count is important in order to get somewhere in life. I disagree.

The 3 most important things to obtaining success are
Discipline,
Integrity,
Respect
and Wisdom.

Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things

but at least we can all agree 0!=1

People say I'm insane

But four out of five voices in my head disagree

Whenever my Dad and I disagree, we settle it with a staring contest.

Then we see eye to eye.

Flat earthers are so close to the truth, but there are some obvious discrepancies . I've finally solved it...

Welcome to the Pringle Earth Society...and remember, once you see, you can't disagree.

People say there are free speech issues in North Korea and I disagree...

For instance: in America, you can walk right outside the White House, gather in the street, and say I don't like the way the government is running this country!

You can do that in North Korea too! In fact, you can walk down any street in Pyongyang, gather your friends, and yell I don't like the way the Americans are running their country!

Someone said Trump was against change. I disagree

Just look at his wives!

My mom told me that it's impossible to shoot fireballs from your hands.

I disagree, I told her shoryuken.

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It's in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins when your last child leaves home and takes the dog with him."

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

I had a disagreement with my girlfriend while she was pmsing

She:" You better stop fighting. You know what I'm capable of right?"
Me: Yes..bloodshed.

Period jokes are not funny. Period.

They always claim that golf is a sport for lady people...

My caddy seems to disagree...

My wife and I are both physicists. We often disagree about space and time.

In her view, the socks should not be on the floor space and I should move them NOW.

To the people that say all lives matter, I disagree.

There are people out there that still yell at their servers.

I lost 5 pounds. That's good for your health!

The colombians disagree.

Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear???

Because he wanted to give it a wax job.

My dad thinks this will go viral. I disagree.

A frightened man goes to the secret police and says,

My talking parrot disappeared.

Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.

I will. I'm just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.

They should completely decriminalize weed.

Those who disagree should get stoned.

An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.

The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can do that too!" The american soldier is baffled! He says, "really you can?"

"Sure! I can go right into the Kremlin, right up to the general secretary and say, "Mr. Gorbachev, I completely disagree with the way President Reagan is running his country!"

I really like cooking fruit with sugar.

I know many people disagree with me. But that's my jam!

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.

\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake

There's just no good raisin for it

My wife and I disagree about who wears the pants in the relationship

We're very poor

When my wife and I disagree about something, we sit down and talk it through like adults...

...and then we agree that she was absolutely right.

The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is stupid and the other party is evil

But they violently disagree about which one is which.

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."

"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

Why do conservatives disagree with liberals?

Because they aren't right

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the disagree differences jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working disagree hypocrites piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes