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Disagree Jokes

91 disagree jokes and hilarious disagree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about disagree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Disagree Short Jokes

Short disagree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disagree humour may include short agrees jokes also.

  1. My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed. Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
  2. I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
  3. My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed. They all disagreed with her though.
  4. My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.
  5. Why do cellular biologists always disagree with mathematicians? Because to them dividing and multiplying are the same
  6. My ex gf wanted to embarrass me, and attempted to do so by loudly proclaiming in front of her friends how bad I was in bed. You should have seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.
  7. The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution. I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.
  8. My wife believes in compromise If we agree on something we do it my way, and if we disagree we do it her way.
  9. My wife says I never take out the trash. I disagree. We just had our anniversary dinner last week.
  10. Whenever my Dad and I disagree, we settle it with a staring contest. Then we see eye to eye.

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Disagree One Liners

Which disagree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disagree? I can suggest the ones about dispute and disliked.

  1. There isn't a lot of water in Egypt. And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.
  2. My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average He's a mean person!
  3. Why did the cannibal have an upset stomach? He ate someone who disagreed with him.
  4. My ex said I was a contrarian I disagree.
  5. You should not disagree with my spear It has a point.
  6. Some people say that you can't stop feminists I disagree; just close the kitchen door.
  7. my favourite logical fallacy is the ad hominem and if you disagree, you're an idiot
  8. Did you hear about the cannibal with indigestion? He ate someone who disagreed with him
  9. I lost 5 pounds. That's good for your health! The colombians disagree.
  10. My wife and I disagree about who wears the pants in the relationship We're very poor
  11. I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake There's just no good raisin for it
  12. Why do conservatives disagree with liberals? Because they aren't right
  13. Why did the Cannibal logician get a stomach ache? Someone he ate disagreed with him.
  14. My mother said it would be impossible for me to be a bartender I tend to disagree
  15. People say I'm quite contrarian. But I disagree.

Agree To Disagree Jokes

Here is a list of funny agree to disagree jokes and even better agree to disagree puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things but at least we can all agree 0!=1
  • 9 out of 10 Americans agree ...that out of 10 Americans, one American will always disagree with the other nine.
  • When my wife and I disagree about something, we sit down and talk it through like adults... ...and then we agree that she was absolutely right.
  • My friend told me I'm indecisive. I told her I disagree. Then I took it back and agreed with her.
  • Did you hear about that kid called Agree who kept getting bullied? Everybody agreed to *dis*agree.
  • The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is s**... and the other party is evil But they violently disagree about which one is which.
Disagree joke, The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is s**...

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Disagree Jokes

What funny jokes about disagree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contrary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disagree pranks.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly
Erika Badu
Vanilla Ice
Eminem
Rhianna
Green Day
Oasis
Nirvana
Nine inch Nails
Aerosmith
George Strait
Ilene Woods
Vince Gill
Enya
Yoko ono
Otis Redding
U2
Uncle Kracker
Pappa Roach
It is okay if you disagree just let me know, but first read the first letter of each line only.

My friends all say I'm a c**... addict, but I disagree.

I just like the smell.

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."

When life starts

A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.

A crying blond

A blond goes into work crying her eyes out,her boss asks her whats wrong,she tells him that her mom died,the boss tells her that its ok for her not to come to work,but she disagrees and says that she needs to work to put her mind of it.As the day goes by she feels better,later she received a phone call and starts screaming and crying,when the boss came and asked her whats wrong she says: "That was my sister,HER MOM DIED TOO!"

A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

When Canada became independent, a committee was made to name the new country.

The three men included disagreed on all names brought up so far. Finally, they all decided to just say one letter that they could use to add together to make a name they all agreed on.
The first guy said "C, eh?"
The second guys went "N, eh?"
The last guy goes "D, eh?"
And that's how we got the name Canada.

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're n**..., and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

My wife says I think of her as a s**... object...

I can't disagree though because everytime I ask for s**...... She objects.

My wife told me that she isn't very happy with our s**... life.

A small part of me disagrees.

Some say the quickest way to mans heart is food. As an experienced heart surgeon, I disagree...

It's s**....

A lot of people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Stephen Hawking disagrees.

I play the world's most dangerous sport.

I ~~sometimes~~ occasionally disagree with my wife.

What's the difference between a social justice warrior and an IED?

You can't trigger an IED just by disagreeing with it.

An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it's sustainable

I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

People say that being able to count is important in order to get somewhere in life. I disagree.

The 3 most important things to obtaining success are
Discipline,
Integrity,
Respect
and Wisdom.

My girlfriend wants prostitution legalized so she can start a h**... Training Course...

...I told her I disagreed with that school of thot

People say there are free speech issues in North Korea and I disagree...

For instance: in America, you can walk right outside the White House, gather in the street, and say I don't like the way the government is running this country!
You can do that in North Korea too! In fact, you can walk down any street in Pyongyang, gather your friends, and yell I don't like the way the Americans are running their country!

I was told m**... with a dead arm was great.

The other f**... goers disagreed.

William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.
It's really put a strain on our s**... life.

My mom told me that it's impossible to shoot fireballs from your hands.

I disagree, I told her shoryuken.

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.
"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."
"It's in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."
"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins when your last child leaves home and takes the dog with him."

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."
The man says: "I disagree."
The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

They always claim that golf is a sport for lady people...

My caddy seems to disagree...

Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear???

Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
My dad thinks this will go viral. I disagree.

I had a heated discussion with an art historian yesterday

We disagreed on whether I ordered curly fries or mozzarella sticks with my burger

A frightened man goes to the secret police and says,

My talking parrot disappeared.
Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.
I will. I'm just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.

A coach known for disagreeing with the referee's decisions approached the referee after a match and said:

That was a great match!
Oh, really? the referee replied with a smile, clearly flattered.
Yes! I wish you had seen it!

They should completely decriminalize w**....

Those who disagree should get s**....

An american soldier was talking to a soviet soldier.

The american says, "the great thing about America is that we have freedom of speech! For instance, I can go right into the white house, walk up to president Reagan and say, "Mr. President, I completely disagree with the way you are running this country!" The soviet soldier responds, "so what? I can do that too!" The american soldier is baffled! He says, "really you can?"
"Sure! I can go right into the Kremlin, right up to the general secretary and say, "Mr. Gorbachev, I completely disagree with the way President Reagan is running his country!"

I really like cooking fruit with sugar.

I know many people disagree with me. But that's my jam!

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…
\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.
\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."

"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

Bear attacks are definitely worse.

Amber Heard just fired her interior decorator...

They disagreed about the color and placement of the stool in the bedroom.

my friend told me that tool puns aren't funny

I said I disagree because I think awl puns are funny

My brother is an immigration officer. He and I disagree on almost every topic…

…But he usually sees where I'm coming from.

Any good mechanic will tell you that it's very easy to blow a seal...

However, most zoologists disagree ;)

One of these days my wife is going to realize I'm always right…

Except for when I disagree with her.

Disagree joke, My ex said I was a  contrarian

jokes about disagree