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Disabled Jokes

110 disabled jokes and hilarious disabled puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about disabled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Note that making jokes about the disabled is insensitive, inappropriate, and contrary to a culture of respect and empathy. Use those disabled jokes but not make fun of disabled people and have fun with wheelchair jokes dark, jokes about disabled parking, handicap jokes, handicap jokes golf, disabled asian jokes, dirty jokes about wheelchairs, disabled octopus joke, disabled toilet joke.

Funniest Disabled Short Jokes

Short disabled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The disabled humour may include short lazy jokes also.

  1. I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
    I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.
  2. An IQ below 70 qualifies you for having an intellectual disability Now I just need to figure out if that's in Celcius or Fahrenheit
  3. These times are harder on people with disabilities. My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table
  4. I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled... but we shouldn't elect them President.
  5. "Hand me downs" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby.
  6. Women are like parking lots. The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.
  7. I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.
  8. Awwww If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.
  9. Women are like car parking spaces... Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
    So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one
  10. Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

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Disabled One Liners

Which disabled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with disabled? I can suggest the ones about cancelled and failed.

  1. I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
  2. I hate it when people make fun of the disabled They can't even stand up for themselves
  3. What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
  4. Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
  5. I like my women how I like McAfee antivirus Disabled.
  6. I like my women like i like my updates Disabled
  7. I joined a forum for people with Down syndrome. Comments are disabled.
  8. I saw a sign that said disabled toilet No one will help me find the button to enable it.
  9. Women are like parking spaces The good ones are taken and the available ones are disabled
  10. Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilet stalls big enough to run around in.
  11. What is the cutest mental disability? Awwtism
  12. What do you call a trio of disabled people? Cripple threat...
  13. What do you call a fire ant with severe learning disabilities? A fire retardant.
  14. Three disabled people walk into a bar. Praise the Lord!!!
  15. What do they do at a prom for a school of the mentally disabled? Slow dance.

Mentally Disabled Jokes

Here is a list of funny mentally disabled jokes and even better mentally disabled puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They're not mentally disabled... They're homies with extra chromies
  • What do you call a heritable mental disability? Hand-me-downs
  • What do you call a mentally disabled firefighter? Flame retardant
  • Ofcourse mentally disabled people should be allowed to have jobs... But to make them president of the United States is a bit to much.
  • I was gonna make an antimasker joke. But my parents taught me to not make fun of the mentally disabled.
  • Did you hear about the fire at the school for the mentally disabled? Some of the kids started it because they thought they were fire retardant.
  • Recent studies show that 100% of people disabled from the waist down are diagnosed with a mental disorder Crippling Depression
  • I'm starting a program for mentally disabled people to restart there life with all of the technological advancements they may have missed out on when they were young. It's called "are you restarted?"
  • What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years? Jennay.
  • Tormented for over an hour... that poor mentally disabled man... But, you have to give the intel folks who brief Trump, credit for trying.

Physically Disabled Jokes

Here is a list of funny physically disabled jokes and even better physically disabled puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a man with three legs? You call him a man. His physical disability should have no bearing on how you see him. You monster.
  • What did the physically disabled kid on a bike say to his mom? Look mom, no hands!
Disabled joke, What did the physically disabled kid on a bike say to his mom?

Disabled Olympics Jokes

Here is a list of funny disabled olympics jokes and even better disabled olympics puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel but the comments were disabled.
  • If the special olympics is for disabled people... What were they thinking sending special forces into Afghanistan?
Disabled joke, If the special olympics is for disabled people...

Giggle-Inducing Disabled Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about disabled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hidden jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make disabled pranks.

A disabled kid goes out to the ice cream man...

...and says, "Mithster can I've an Icth Cream??" and the Ice Cream man says "Of course you can, what would you like on it? chocolate sauce?, strawberry sauce?, a flake?" and the kid replys "It doethn't matter, I'll jutht drop it anyway"

Women are like parking spaces...

Sometimes all the good ones are taken, so you have to stick it in a disabled one.

What do you call a disabled vehicle left dead on the side of a road?

A carcass.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

What is another name for the disabled stall in a restroom?

A handicrapped zone.

Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…

What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?

Vegetable soup.
I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another;
Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?
Getting the wheelchair into the oven

What do you call a disabled p**...?

A creepy crawler

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Political correctness gone mad.

I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."

I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities

apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong

Got in trouble with the wife at dinner time last night.

Apparently when she asked me to turn on the veg, f**... her disabled sister isn't what she meant.

I said "My, what big eyes you have!"

Followed by "My, what big hands you have!"
And then "My what big teeth you have!"
My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well.

My wife got mad at me because apparently turn on the veg doesn't mean..

Finger her disabled sister

My s**... life is like finding a parking spot

My s**... life is like finding a parking spot in town.
All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.

I struggle with an intense fear of becoming disabled

It's crippling

what do you call a cow without legs

Disabled

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it s**... on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

I like my women like I like my car parking spaces...

Disabled only.

I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...

...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Finding Nemo is a real thriller!

My s**... life is like looking for a parking spot...

The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.

What do you call it when you get an STD from someone who is disabled?

The Handi-clap.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

what do parking spots and girls have incommon?

sometimes when all the good ones are taken, you have to put it in disabled one

In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price

It could be called the Goodkill

I saw a man pull up.....

to a disabled park in a golf buggy. I couldn't help but wonder what his handicap was.

What do you call three disabled babies born at the same time?

Cripplets

I disabled my popup blocker earlier today...

...or as some people call it, got a divorce.

A person who discriminates race is racist; s**...- sexist, age- ageist, disability- ableist, religion-

Realist

Women are like parking spaces...

Normally, the good ones are taken so occasionally, when nobody is looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

I like my women how I like my phone notifications

Turned off or disabled

After being in an accident that disabled both my legs...

The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay today...

**I thought to myself, 'I wonder what his handicap is?'**

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

Today I watched a video called 10 best wheelchairs in the world.

Bellow the video it said comments are disabled.

What do cannibals call disabled people

Meals on wheels

Movies

Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?
Friend 1: Finding Nemo

My mate asked me to do a charity 5 mile run... I said no.

He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.
I then thought.. I could actually win this.

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "d**..., I might actually win this".

What do you call a disabled person on fire?

Hot Wheels

A gay woman, a working class white guy, an old Jewish lady, a disabled man and a young black lady all walk into a bar.

What a wonderful example of a well-integrated community.

Tom lost a foot in a traffic accident.

Years later, he fell in love with Mary. Tom didn't tell Mary his disability, worrying that she might leave him.
Tom loved Mary so much that he proposed to her and she said yes.
The next day after the wedding, Mary called her mother angrily : " My husband has only one foot "
Her mother calmly replied :" Your father has only 6 inches ."

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.

Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"

There's a crippled old beggar on a sidewalk in El Paso with a sign and a paper cup..

A businessman stops, reads the sign that says 'Disabled Vet' and decides to give him a few dollars.
"Look on the bright side," he says. "Things could be worse- you could be blind!"
"I know what you mean.." says the beggar, "When I was blind, people only gave me pesos!"

Jesus walks into a bar and says "who will buy me a beer" the guy with the 1 eye walks over and buys him a beer..Jesus raises his hand and touches the guys eye healing it instantly! he then asks for another beer..an old veteran paralyzed from the chest down rolls over to him and says

Ill buy your next beer Jesus..once again Jesus raises his hand to heal the veteran and the veteran screams
"NO JESUS DON'T!!!! IM ON THE DISABILITY BENEFIT!"

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident

Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.
Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.
Horrified, she straight called her mom.
"Mum, you wouldn't believe it. He only got one foot!"
The mum then yelled back at her "g**... child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!"

My disabled friend wants to be a Band-Aid for Halloween but he's got no arms…

I don't know how he expects to pull it off

A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.

To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.
"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.
"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.
Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit carefully. It's an ordinary bunny.
"That's not a superpower, that's just a s**... magic trick!" says Professor X. "Stop wasting my time!"
"Ah, but that's not my real power!" says the man. "My real power is curing disabilities!"

A study conducted on representation of persons with disabilities found that

blind people were 100% less likely to see themselves represented in the media

I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability

Stand up for yourself!

My disabled girlfriend broke up with me a week ago.

So I took away her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.

Disabled joke, My disabled girlfriend broke up with me a week ago.

jokes about disabled