dirty knock knock Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious dirty knock knock puns

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub, across the road from a brothel...

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub across the road from the local brothel. As they watched through the window, they saw the Methodist minister creep up to the door of the brothel and slip inside.

"Ah, now - didn't I tell you? They're all a bunch of hypocrites, that lot. Such a shame, a man o' the cloth, giving way to temptation like that."

A few minutes later, the rabbi also entered the brothel.

"Would you look at that? Always acting so pious, but look at 'im now - dirty hypocrite. Givin' way to sins o' the flesh."

As they continued drinking, complaining all the while about the lack of moral standards of the minister and the rabbi, they saw the Catholic priest creep up to the brothel and knock on the door.

"Ah, now - ain't that a shame! One o' the poor girls must be dyin', and the good Father's come to give 'er the last rites!"

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George and the Dragon

A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

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The Drunk and the Woman

A dirty, homless drunk wanders into a bar during the night. He sits down, and with the few dollars he made begging, buys himself a drink.

An hour or so later, a clearly intoxicated woman comes by and flirts with him. She whispers in his ear, "Hows a blowjob sound?"

The drunk punches her in the face, knocking her out. The bartender is stunned, and asks him what the reason for punching her was.

The drunk replies "I dunno, somethin about a job."

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Natalie

A guy hails a cab at the airport and tells the driver to go to a certain address. When he gets there he sees a beautiful three story townhouse in a upper-class part of town. He knocks and an attractive woman opens the door.

"I wanna see Natalie"

The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn't have a lot of money.

"Sir, to see Natalie you will have to pay $1,000 for half an hour"

"No problem, I have money"

Just then a gorgeous brunette in a black evening gown comes down the stairs and the guy looks at her

"Natalie?"

"Yes?"

"I want to spend a little time with you"

She smirks at the man's appearance

"It will cost you $1,000"

The guy takes out a roll of cash and hands it to her, they go upstairs, do the dirty and he leaves half an hour later. The next day the guy is back, he knocks, the madame opens and is quite surprised that the guy is back

"I wanna see Natalie"

"Well it's still $1,000"

"O.K., I have the money"

He shows her the money, he goes upstairs, hands the money to Natalie, spend half an hour poking her clam and leaves.

So it continues for three more days, after the fifth day Natalie turns to him while he's dressing and says

"You know it's the first time that somebody came back so many times; where are you from?"

"I am from Michigan"

Natalie sits up. "Really? I have a sister in Michigan"

The guy grins and replies "I know, she gave me $5,000 to give you"

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A man doing market research for Vaseline knocked on a door...

...and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline." Have you ever used the product?'

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time,"
The researcher then asks, "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all...My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke.

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An American moves to the Scottish Highlands...

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands. After 3 months he gets a knock on his door from one of the local residents.
"So I heard ya just moved here, an' I wanted to tell ya I was throwin' a party. Do ya want to come?"
"Sure," the American replies, "A party would be awesome!"
"But I have ta warn ya, there's gonna be some dancin'!"
"But that sounds great! Why wouldn't I come?!"
"Well, I also have ta warn ya: there'll be some fightin'!"
"Oh, that's no problem! I was a boxing champ in college, it would be great to get back at it!"
"Well, ok then.... But I still have ta warn ya: there'll be rough, dirty sex!"
"Well, I haven't been with anyone for a long time, so some sex would actually be pretty enjoyable. But... I have to ask: how should I be dressed?"
"Ah, just come as ya are. It'll be just you and me!"

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two nuns are painting a room

their doing it to help save money, they belong to a poor catholic church. one of the nuns looks at the other and says

"we should take off our robes so we don't get them dirty with paint"

the other nun agrees and they take off their robes panting naked now when suddenly there is a knock on the door

"who is it?"

asked one of the nuns and voice replied

"the blind man"

the nuns looked at each other and one says

"well he's a blind man he can't see anything"

so they open the door and in walks a man, he looks at the two women and says

"nice tits where do you want me to hang these?"

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A local convent is remodeling some of their rooms, and two of the nuns have been charged with repainting them all.

Since neither of them have any experience painting walls, they decide to lock the door and strip naked so they don't get paint on their clothes and risk garnering the wrath of Mother Superior. All is going well after half an hour and they have one wall completed when they hear a knock at the door.
Worried that they might be in trouble they run back to their clothes as they call out "Who is it?"
"It's the blind man, I need to talk to you Sisters."
Well they don't see any harm in letting the blind man in, so rather than put their clothes back on and get them dirty after all, they both decide to just let him in.
"Nice tits ladies, where do you want the blinds?"

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I'm okay, I just had the best creamed corn.

So a man and his friend are going on a trip, when their car breaks down in the middle of the desert. But they see a house about a half a mile away. When they get there they knock on the door, and a dirty old lady answers. They both ask her for food and water, she replies "The only way I'd give any of you food is if one of you gets me pregnant". One if them backs out and just waits outside as his friend agrees. He and the old lady walk upstairs to her room. On their way, he finds a piece of corn on the cob and puts it in his pocket. She lays down on her back and closes her eyes. He then has the idea to put the corn he just found into her instead of his penis. He finishes in 4 minutes then quickly throws it out the window. He goes downstairs and and collects some food, then he brings it to his friend which is waiting outside. But he replies to him "I'm okay, I just had the best creamed corn"

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An American man moves to Scotland...

...he keeps to himself, but nothing is truly exciting for him. He meets a good number of people, but it's nothing outside of normal. One day he gets a knock on the door. He opens it to see a very large Scotsman. The Scotsman say "Sir, eye've seen ye livin' here for a time now, an eye believe it be the tyme to invite ye te a wild Scotsman's party." Interested, the American asks, "Well what normally goes on at a wild Scotsman's party?"

"Well," the Scotsman starts "There always goin' te be drinkin'. Ye goin' be gude te hold yer own?" The American replies, "I was quite the drinker in college, I'll be just fine."

"There's ulweys a fight," The Scotsman continues, "Scots and drinkin' at a Scotsman's party ulweys has some couple of arses fighting". "Well," The American responds, "I was part of the wrestling club at college as well, so if I'm one of the 'arses' caught in the fight, I should be able to hold my own."

"There's always secks!" The Scotsman continues, "hot, dirty secks of all kynds. Most uv th' tyme there's usually a couple jes' fuckin on the floor." The American laughs, "The college I went to had women looser than a 5 year old's shoelaces."

After agreeing to go, the American finally asks "Well, what should I wear to this 'wild Scotsman's party?'"

The Scotsman answers, "Jes' come as ye are, it's jes' goin' te be you an' me".

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What are the most funny Dirty Knock Knock jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Dirty Knock Knock? Well, here are the best Dirty Knock Knock dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Dirty Knock Knock pick up lines to share with friends.

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