The Best 62 Dirt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dirt jokes. There are some dirt dust jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dirt joe dirt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dirt Jokes and Puns

Dirty old man

An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him star, the teenager said "What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?" The old man replied "Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering whether you were my son."

Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?

Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.

Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the sex life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

Dirt joke, A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment,

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!

Two kids are walking down a dirt path...

a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.

"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.

The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"


Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?

One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See below for the question paper.

Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)

a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

Dirty Joke

My sex life with my wife has started degrading.

Guess it's time to Bury her corpse

Dirt joke, Dirty Joke

A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars

A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.

An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."

**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**

Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."

What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight!

One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"

That was the punchline.

You can explore dirt droppings reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dirt grime dad jokes. There are also dirt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So this piece of rope walks into a bar...

...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

Nun joke

Two nuns were bicycling down an old dirt road on the countryside. One nun says, "I've never come this way before." The other replies, "It's the cobblestones."

First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it.

What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?

She didn't want to choke!

Dirt joke, Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?

I used to have an addiction to dirt

But I've now been clean for over a year

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He used a pencil to budget

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.


What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vaccuum?

The position of the dirt bag.

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.

A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.

His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night...

The plot thickens

My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning

She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.

I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."

I knew someone had added dirt to my garden.

And so, the plot thickens

A guy goes to the the doctor. He finds out he has cancer and three months to live. He asks the doctor is there anything we can do?

The doctor says: "Well you could take mud baths.

The guy says: "Oh great will that help me live longer?"

The Doctor says: "No, it but it will get you used to being in the dirt"

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

Guys will actually look for the golf ball.

A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"

That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary

I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me

If you think your microwave spying on you is bad...

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Why do we give mud baths to old people?

To get them used to dirt.

Why do they bury politicians under 6 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're good people.

When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive...

It's a good thing my brother told me about it

Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight.

The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"

That was the punch line.

Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people

I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time...

When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.

Apparently she stood him up.

What was the guitar teacher arrested for?

Fingering a minor

When arguing, never throw dirt at your opponent

All you do is lose ground

A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.

Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.

Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

She grew outta her beeshells!!!

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can clean her crack and resell it.

This coffee tastes like dirt

Well it was ground this morning

Why did the ketchup blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

How do you make your wife scream during sex?

Call her and tell her about it.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!

A scientist went to God and said triumphantly, We've worked out how to make a man without you. God laughed and said, Okay then, show me. Go ahead.

So the scientist bent down and picked up a handful of dirt but God stopped him.

Oh no you don't. said God. Get your own dirt.

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.

It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....



....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.

A blonde was driving down the highway and noticed another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field

She pulled over to the side of the road and yelled,

It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!

And continued, you're lucky I can't swim, or I'd come over there and kick your ass!

If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

I was almost upset that my coffee tasted like dirt today

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Don't be worried about your iPhone and laptop spying on you

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

A wild man walked into a bar.

A big bulky man covered in filth and dirt walked into a bar and started to insult everyone.

He smashed the bottles and drank like a wild man. Soon everyone had left the bar in disgust.

Except for an old man, who just watched the wild man with interest.

So the wild man walked over to him and said,

"Hey Old Man! What the hell are you staring at?"

"Well, many years ago I was arrested for making love to a buffalo. And I just had a feeling, that maybe you are my son!"

What do you call a pig who spends all day digging in the dirt?

A groundhog

I do not like dirty gossips

they discuss me.

my friends gave me dirt for my birthday

I really appreciated the sediment

Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Despite inflation, what can everyone still afford?

Soil, it's always dirt cheap.

I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….

Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dirt old as dirt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dirt older than dirt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes