Dirt Jokes
105 dirt jokes and hilarious dirt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dirt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dirt Short Jokes
Short dirt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dirt humour may include short dust jokes also.
- I was almost upset that my coffee tasted like dirt today but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
- My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today "It tastes like dirt!"
I told him it was just ground this morning. - When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
- That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me
- If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
- My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.
I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae." - What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vaccuum? The position of the dirt bag.
- I played hide seek as a kid and the ultimate winner hid so good we never found him. Years later they found him under a pile of dirt Turns out He won by a landslide
- I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said… Tough on Grime.
Smashes Dirt.
Hard on stain.
I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information… - If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough... The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...
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Dirt One Liners
Which dirt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dirt? I can suggest the ones about gravel and soil.
- I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it. The plot thickens.
- This coffee tastes like dirt Well it was ground this morning
- What's expensive and dirt cheap at the same time? Fresh grad
- my friends gave me dirt for my birthday I really appreciated the sediment
- When arguing, never throw dirt at your opponent All you do is lose ground
- I used to have an addiction to dirt But I've now been clean for over a year
- Whats the difference between dirt and miracle grow? Not mulch
- Despite inflation, what can everyone still afford? Soil, it's always dirt cheap.
- "This coffee tastes like dirt!" "What did you expect, it was ground this morning!"
- Politics is like window cleaning... ...the dirt is always on the other side!
- I once got in a fight with a pile of dirt... The pile of dirt won by a landslide.
- What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt? Afroturf
- How much storage do you need for a mouthful of dirt? A Terra Bite
- What did Jesus do when Mary Magdalene tracked dirt through the house? Jesus swept.
- Warning: Dirt joke It's not mulch, really.
Dirt Track Jokes
Here is a list of funny dirt track jokes and even better dirt track puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know what they say... When the rivers running red take the dirt track
- A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
- I'm not Racist! I like all kinds of races. Drag racing, Nascar, dirt track, go-karts...
Dirt Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny dirt bike jokes and even better dirt bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend walked in the room just moments after I was making fun of his dirt bike. His ears must have been ringinginginging.
Happy Dirt Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about dirt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clay jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dirt pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama so fat when you have s**... with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
I love every bone in your body, especially mine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get s**....
What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.
Dirtiest, raunchiest, most racist joke you've got:
I'll start -
What do you do when you see a half dead native man crawling across your lawn?
Stop laughing and reload
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
DEAD BABY JOKES: So what's the difference between a dead baby and dirt?
**I don't eat dirt.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her s**... life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"
He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."
Then she says, "And the s**... life?"
He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
Two kids are walking down a dirt path...
a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.
"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.
The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dirty Joke
My s**... life with my wife has started degrading.
Guess it's time to Bury her corpse
A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars
A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."
**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**
Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."
Latvian Dreamin'
Little boy go to father. Is midnight. Say boy, "Father! I dream I is Mr. Potato! Have big eyes and smile! Even having shoes! I wish I Mr. Potato for all ever!"
Man woke in midnight all sudden. Rubs eyes. Remembers boy dead by mule, and is no potato. Only cold. Is all dream. Lay back on dirt. No smiles. No shoes.
What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?
Namaste
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men walk out of a bar, both are drunk and ready to fight!
One draws a line in the dirt and says to the other man, "If you cross this line i will punch you!"
That was the punchline.
So this piece of rope walks into a bar...
...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it.
What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?
The lady in church has hope in her soul.
City workers
A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.
Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?
She didn't want to choke!
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
(OC) What's the dirtiest part of a Jedi?
The Forceskin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
dirty minds
Hey s**... shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs. love always your Toilet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Dirty] How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"
[Dirty] How does Leia spend Father's Day?
Riding Solo
What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?
A wet nose.
I saw a van covered in dirt...
I saw a van that was covered in dirt & someone had written "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van".
I wrote "she is-when you're at work!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best b**... I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last b**... of my entire life."
I had to take my son's dirty diaper off today.
I don't know why I was wearing it in the first place.
A guy goes to the the doctor. He finds out he has cancer and three months to live. He asks the doctor is there anything we can do?
The doctor says: "Well you could take mud baths.
The guy says: "Oh great will that help me live longer?"
The Doctor says: "No, it but it will get you used to being in the dirt"
Lotr
Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.
- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring.
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you think your microwave spying on you is bad...
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
I had a dirty dream about my ex wife
The dishes were pulled up and the house smelled like pachouli oil.
Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?
With dirt.
Donald Trump does not tell lies.
He said everyone would be covered under his Healthcare plan.
He just forgot to mention that the poor would be covered by 6 feet of dirt.
A Creationist and Atheist Debate
Creationist: If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Atheist: If Adam came from dirt, why is there still dirt?
A Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.
He meets another man going the opposite way.
"Salam aleikum, brother" he says.
"Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed.
"Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man.
Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefields in the time of the Prophet?" He then turns to the wife, "Keep walking, Saida."
I went to a fortune teller and they said in 30 minutes I would get dirt on my leg...
I guess it's just dusty knee
Please say dirty things
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight.
The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
That was the punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cavemen had a specific reason for dragging their women by the hair...
...they filled up with dirt when drug the other way.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the guitar teacher arrested for?
f**... a minor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
Dirty joke, clean joke, adult joke
Timmy played in the mud. That's the dirty part.
So Timmy took a bath with bubbles. That's the clean part.
Bubbles is the girl next door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
What's the dirtiest country?
GERMany
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make your wife scream during s**...?
Call her and tell her about it.
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar with mud and dirt on his clothes.
Barmen ask to him "what happened?"
The man answers "nothing, i just buried my mom"
The Barmen is confused, asks again
"That doesn't answer, you have dirt on your everywhere!"
The man answers again
"Yeah you're right, it's because she resisted"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl.
One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
That was the punchline.
A "Dirty Joke"
A boy fell in the mud.
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
The dirtiest pub I've ever seen was called the fiddle
It was a vile inn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't be worried about your iPhone and laptop spying on you
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
I told my wife not to worry about her smart phone and tv spying on us….
Because the vacuum has been gathering our dirt for years!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why is it considered g**... to drink a beverage made of steeped soil?
Because that's just dirt tea
The Dirty Harry line wouldn't have worked in the flintlock era
"Did he fire one shot or only zero?"
