The Best 77 Direction Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Direction jokes. There are some direction path jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these direction one direction yo mama puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Direction Jokes and Puns
My wife got mad at me for not knowing my sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right.
A Jewish girl....
.....flagged down a cab after drunken night out in town. All too late she realised the driver was heading in the wrong direction, & was driving down a dark country lane into the woods.
He stopped the car, then jumped in the back seat, pulling at the girls clothes frantically.
"Stop, stop!" she screamed.
"Don't worry love, I just want a bit of fun, I ain't going to hurt you" he explained.
"No, it's not that, could you turn the meter off first?" she replied.
How do five gay guys walk down the street?
In one direction
how do 5 gay guys walk
One direction
So a guy robs a bank...
When he runs out and down the street, he comes across another guy walking the opposite direction.
Robber points his gun at the man and says "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"
Guy says "Yes."
The robber shoots him and runs down the street.
He comes across a man and his wife walking toward him.
The robber points his gun at them and says "Did you see me rob that bank?"
The husband points to his wife and says "No, but she did!"
What's the difference between Futurama and One Direction?
There's only one Bender in Futurama
how do 5 gay men walk
In one direction
An apple
A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
New band.
I'm starting a new band with 5 homosexual Mexicans.
Juan Direction.
So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar...
and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
what do you call a group of homosexuals walking the same way?
one direction
You can explore direction orientation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean direction use as directed dad jokes. There are also direction puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An elderly woman is watching the local news
An elderly woman is watching the local news and hears about a madman driving the wrong direction on the highway that her husband takes home. Worrying, she calls her husband and tells him about the insane driver. The man replies, it's worse than you think! It's not just 1, there's hundreds of them!
Did you hear about the new bra they call the Sheepdog?
It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.
I heard we like Native American jokes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
How do five gay men walk?
One direction
I rate the next One Direction album...
...four out of five stars.
What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?
Wong Wei
Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...
... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'
Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'
Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'
Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and
Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.
After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'
I knew I could convince my wife to get an Abortion...
All she needed was a shove in the right direction... and a set of stairs.
I hate One Direction fans...
Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.
What is Rickon Stark's favorite band?
One Direction
This happened over the weekend
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??
Yeast!!
I forgot what direction I threw my boomerang.
Then it hit me.
My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."
I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
a sick kid was asked to throw a ball in any direction
and he threw up
Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.
She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!
My girlfriend said that I can't be a good driver because I have a poor sense of direction
I think she's left
I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.
After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.
I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started running after me...
It was at that moment I realised, I wasn't pursuing a duck for Olivia, I was on a Wilde goose chase.
My girlfriend is mad about the fact that I have a bad sense of direction
So I got up and right
Wife calls her husband and says, Be careful driving home. Some idiot is driving the wrong direction on the freeway.
Husband frantically replies, No! It's not just one guy going the wrong direction! There's dozens of them!
Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river
One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something.
He calls the other two over to look with him.
In the river is a beautiful naked woman bathing.
One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming.
What's wrong? Says one boy.
My mom told me if I ever saw a naked woman I would turn to stone! He says And something's already turning hard!
Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR
And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right
My wife kicked me out. She says it's because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
You know what the best part of being in the middle of Texas is?
Any direction you go, you're leaving Texas.
My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.
About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.
Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."
Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"
Yoda, are you sure we are going in the right direction?
Yoda: Off course we are.
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
My wife wouldn't stop making fun of me for my sense of direction.
So I packed up and Right.
What's the difference between Santa and a Jew?
The direction in the chimney.
My GF said she hates my sense of direction.
So I packed my stuff and right.
Two young boys are walking through the woods.
Soon, they spot a naked woman standing near a tree. One of the boys ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. When the other boy caught up to him, they stopped and he asked him why he ran. The boy replied: my mother told me that if I look at a naked woman, I will turn to stone...and I already felt something was getting hard.
My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction
So I packed up and right
My wife got really mad at me for my lack of direction
So I packed up my things and right
My wife says I have a bad sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
My wife was mad at me for not having a sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My mom said that I have no sense of direction
So I packed all my stuff and right.
"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?"
Aaaaaaa.....
It's nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic
One Direction by Kanye West
Guitars by Mel Gibson
Mining by Brad Pitt
Pear Cider by Katy Perry
Ship Building by Tom Cruise
How to Move Things by Jim Carrey
Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman
American Motors by Harrison Ford
Wild Animals by Will Ferrell
"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?"
"Off course we are".
The movie Speed didn't have a director...
Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
My girlfriend is always complaining about how I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife used to get really mad about the fact I have no sense of direction
So I packed all my things and right!
Someone asked me if I liked One Direction
I said "Yeah, South"
Why do waves always head toward land?
Because it's the only direction they're shore of.
My wife told me I have a terrible sense of direction
I said, where did that come from?"
My friend told me I have no sense of direction
I said Where did that come from?
"Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?"
Yoda replies: "off course we are"
One day, Tarzan is swinging through the jungle on his favourite vine when he crashes into a monkey swinging in the other direction.
They both land safely on a tree limb below, but when Tarzan looks up, there is only one vine hanging above them. Next to it, there is only a very thin branch.
"Were you swinging on that thing?" asks Tarzan.
"Yes," replies the monkey.
Tarzan is amazed. "How do you do that?"
The monkey rolls his eyes. "Am I the only one in this whole jungle who knows how to drive a stick?"
My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
An assassin is running towards Trump
His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.
A man breaks into a wealthy persons house
He hears a sobbing noise coming from around the corner so he goes to check what it is. He peeks around the corner to see a body guard sobbing saying "I C c can't believe boss forgot my birthday, I thought he was m my f f friend uhoo hoo" so he turns around and goes the opposite direction desperate to escape with something. He spots a door at the end of the hallway that appears to have been left unlocked he opens to find the houses owner. He says "YOU!! How did you get past my security" the robber says "you let your guard down"
What's the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?
The direction the first letter faces.
one direction fans are the worst.
oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
I told my wife she has no sense of direction, she got angry at me,
she packed up her bags and right
A man was crossing the desert with his camel and his dog, when suddenly ..
the camel asked him "are you sure we're heading in the right direction ?"
Freaked out by the talking camel, he ran away, threw himself behind a nearby cactus. The dog freaked out too and followed his master. As he was catching his breath, the dog asked : "what did that asshole say ?"
The last big fight my mom and I had was because she said I had no sense of direction.
After that, I packed up my stuff and right.
Not sure if that one has already been here, if so - I apologize
A man drives his car on the highway, when he hears the following traffic warning on the radio "Drivers, be careful there is a wrong way driver coming on the highway 9 in the direction of Berlin."
"Whaat?", shouts out the man to himself. "One?? More like a thousand of them!!"
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my stuff and right.
My wife is mad because I have no sense of direction
So I packed up my stuff and right
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the direction gunman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working direction one direction piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.