Directed Jokes
44 directed jokes and hilarious directed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about directed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Directed Short Jokes
Short directed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The directed humour may include short aimed jokes also.
- Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
- The movie Speed didn't have a director... Because if Speed had direction, it would have been called Velocity.
- My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- "Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?" Yoda replies: "off course we are"
- Kim and Kanye's divorce is rough on their son, North West. It's like he's getting pulled in two different directions.
- I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore... They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
- Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
- My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- My wife said she has had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up... So I just packed my bags and right...
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Directed One Liners
Which directed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with directed? I can suggest the ones about driven and instructed.
- Yoda, are you sure we are going in the right direction? Yoda: Off course we are.
- "Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?" Aaaaaaa.....
- one direction fans are the worst. oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
- Why can't republicans use hand sanitizer? Because the directions say to apply liberally
- My GF said she hates my sense of direction. So I packed my stuff and right.
- I hate One Direction fans... Oscillating ones cool down a room much better.
- My dad said I have no sense of direction in life. So I packed my stuff and right
- Wanna play Trump's new Monopoly game? Every place you land says *Go Directly to Jail*.
- What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight? It becomes DAYTROGEN!
- What direction did the pirate go to get his bread?? yeast!!
- My wife told me I have a terrible sense of direction I said, where did that come from?"
- If I had to describe myself in one word... ...it would be "bad at following directions."
- how do 5 gay men walk In one direction
- "This is not fair!" said the Russian guy who got bad directions to the fair
- My friend told me I have no sense of direction I said Where did that come from?
Use As Directed Jokes
Here is a list of funny use as directed jokes and even better use as directed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day
- Silver side up is Nickelback's best album Especially when used as directed.
- I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet... They use an e-wok.
- My wife used to get really mad about the fact I have no sense of direction So I packed all my things and right!
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now... ...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.
- Apple has announced new hardware that mounts directly to your forehead and lets you surf the internet using augmented reality glasses. It's called the iBrowser
- Easter used to be called Wester But they decided to take things in a new direction.
- Glasses Man: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses.
Woman: Yes, I know, some people in my family also drink directly from the bottle. - Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system.
The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction.
Cheerful Fun Directed Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about directed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean filmed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make directed pranks.
George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...
George Clooney said, "I'll direct."
Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."
And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study
Maid: "I'd like a raise."
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"
Maid:"No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
At a corporate party…
The director of HR stood up and said If anyone has any comments or anything they'd like to say please come up to the microphone
An employee stood up and walked over. He picked up the microphone and pointed it directly at the speakers. A loud obnoxious noise screeched out and filled the room. Everyone covered their ears as he held it there. He then turned it away and handed it back to the HR director. To which the HR director said…
Thank you for your feedback.
An assassin is running towards Trump
His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.
My wife kicked me out. She says it's because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
