The Best 83 Direct Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Direct jokes. There are some direct visual jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these direct use as directed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Direct Jokes and Puns

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

What do directors of companies do when they have nothing to do?

They go to the Board room!

If I ever need to ask for directions, I will find an Asian person,

because who better to help me get Oriented?

Direct joke, If I ever need to ask for directions, I will find an Asian person,

Direct from my 8-year old:

How do nursing babies blow their noses?

With breast tissue.

I am starting a new psychological assistance program across the country but at the local level....

...it is more direct than most. You register, commit to giving a certain amount to the psychologically disadvantaged in your area, and we give you options of who to give to, you choose how...................................... It is called:
The FUNDAMENTAL PROGRAM


Why did the director put lots of sperms and eggs in his movie?

Sex cells.

What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight?

It becomes DAYTROGEN!

Direct joke, What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight?

1 Direction.

More like 0.8 Direction.

Why did the director get kicked out of the bar?

He was making a scene!

If you were to write a direct, very short introduction for Microsoft Office's word processor, it might be a...

...forward four-word foreword for Word.

Which director is Hollywood's darling?

Michael Bae

You can explore direct upfront reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean direct activities dad jokes. There are also direct puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Hello you looking for a great opportunity to make money online! Direct payments to your paypal !!!

One Direction broke up

Everything was just going south.

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.

The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

What is the safest place in the galaxy?

In the direct line of fire of a Storm Trooper.

What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons?

Helmets and Spades. Tee hee.

Direct joke, What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons?

Who is the director of the first wireless movie?

Christopher No-LAN

I'm directing a film...

... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.

I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.

The rap game today really lacks direct rhyming, style of rhyming, and structure. It's just amateur.

It really feels likes there is a complete lack of poetic pros.


Customer feedback.

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, What was that?

The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing!

The girl slapped him soundly.

What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek.

Customer feedback.

The director of EA walks into a bar

*Download the punchline for only 4.99*

Getting directions from Donald Trump is a lot like checking the hour on an analogue clock

Always pay attention to where the little hand is pointing

I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake....

But I can show you the whey

Some people say Berkeley's idealism was like a hero's approach solving the problems with direct and indirect realism.

I wouldn't say it's heroic at all. In my opinion, it's quite Philonous.

Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct

Press 1 for the money
2 for the show

I stopped living paycheck to paycheck...

...now I live direct deposit to direct deposit.

A man named Eric Cole...

... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

What direction was Kanye West facing when his dough was rising?

Yeast ;D

*cringe*

What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??

Yeast!!

What did the director say after the actor took the wrong number of pills on the first shoot of a scene?

"Take two!"

Director arrested for trying to resurrect Batman franchise

All attempts to raise Bale have failed

What is the most directional mental disability?

Down's Syndrome.

Which direction do fungi travel?

yEAST

Lincoln Navigator

I watched a guy in a Lincoln Navigator attempt to park in a busy restaurant parking lot. It took a friend to get out and direct him in order to wiggle into a spot. Afterwards he said to me, "now I know why they call it a navigator. It fu@*ing takes one to park it".

I seem to keep forgetting the name of the airline that does direct flights from America to Indonesia.

I think its Amnesia.

Mike Ashley really likes the Sport Direct mugs

Or 'customers' as he has been advised to call them.

A soldier in my National Guard platoon...

...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.

"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."

"So?"

"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"

What's the name of a director whose movies you can only download?

Quentin Torrentino

One Direction broke up...

They are finally heading in the right direction.

What's the first direction Siri gives Santa after taking off from the north pole?

Head South.

My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse

If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.

Directly after witnessing the total solar eclipse, my vision was 180/20...

...my vision was also 180/20 before the eclipse, but still.

Did you hear about Harvey Weinsteins new job?

He'll water your plants for direct eye contact.

One direction have gone their seperate ways,

Isn't that ironic!

What do the workers at sports direct get for lunch?

About 5 minutes.

Christmas dinner jokes !!!!

What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes.

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance

...I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

What do you call a direct deposit that takes all of your money?

A Creampie

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Mathew McConaughey are in a coffee shop to discuss a new movie:

Clooney: I'll direct.

DiCaprio: I'll act.

McConaughey: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

How do you make a gingerbread man's bed?

With a cookie sheet.

Direct from the lips of my 4yo daughter. I almost died laughing. I was expecting something ridiculous.

Trump's best joke to date:

"I won't rule out direct talks with Kim Jong Un. I just won't"

...

"As far as the risk of dealing with a madman is concerned, that's his problem, not mine,

You should always be up front and direct when talking to obese people...

Because if you sugar coat it they'll probably just eat that too.

Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey all decide to make a movie

Tom hanks says "I'll produce it"

Leonardo DiCaprio says "I'll direct it"

Matthew McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

I Lost Another 15 Pounds This Month With Weight Watchers

I must get round to cancelling that Direct Debit some time.

Currently.

Currently, it's better to be direct than to alternate between weak lines or else she might get confused and ask watt you doing.

Directors are seriously the worst

....they always have to make a scene.

The director of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" series will not be making the third part

I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn

Since Luigi died in the Smash direct, what do we have to use to contact him?

A Luigi board

I enroled in courses of hypnosis

The first lessons didn't please me and so I determined to pay direct for a year in advance and not to attend there

How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
No two, two.

NO THREE THREE THREE

I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now...

...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.

I got fired for naming my invention the Direct Interface for Long-Distance Observation.

The boss accused my team of pulling it out of an unauthorised Acronym Synthesis Service.

George Clooney Matt Damon and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George said: I'll Direct

Matt Damon said: I'll produce

Matthew McConaughey said: ill write ill write ill wriite

You ever notice that gay people won't answer direct questions about their sex lives?

I guess they don't give straight answers.

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

How did Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola of the Jersey Shore direct the people looking for the store that sells grass seed?

"Go to the LUUUUUAWWWWWWNNNNNN SHUUUUUUUUUUAWWWWWPPPPPP!"

How one direction ended.

The gone 5 directions

Why was a Lieutenant Colonel of the US army music program fired, along with one of his direct subordinates?

He was caught fingering A Major.

What direction did Mr. Bread go?

Yeast.

What did the director say when his dinner arrived?

That's a wrap.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he's gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he's gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I'll write I'll writte I'll write

Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.

Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he's the one with the most money. Now there's only one left; McConaughey. DiCaprio turns to him and says,

Well what does that leave you with?

Matthew thinks about this for a while, until he finally turns to the two of them.

I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

They've finally reached a Covid Stimulus deal!

It includes a direct payment of $40 in Kohl's Cash that will be valid from January 3 - January 7, 2021.

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, what was that? The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing! The girl slapped him soundly. What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek. Customer feedback.

I am the man who is open, honest, and direct, especially when dealing with unpalatable matters

But you can call me Frank

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, I'll direct.

DiCaprio says, I'll act.

McConaughey says, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"



(Sorry)

I used to live paycheck to paycheck

But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

Jeffery Dahmer is in his kitchen, using his blender...

... when his phone goes off in his pocket. It was a notification from the CDC:

"The public is still advised to avoid direct contact from others through cordial gestures during this pandemic, such as hugs or ***handshakes.*** "

"Awwwwww..." Jeffery mopes, as he turns off his blender.

one direction fans are the worst.

oscillating fans are so much more convenient.

Clooney, Dicaprio, and McConaughey all want to put a movie together

Clooney says "I'll direct."

Dicaprio says "I'll act."

McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write."

I want to start a hardware store called Highs

We'd be in direct competition with Lowe's.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the direct negatively jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working direct redirect piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes