The Best 50 Dire Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dire jokes. There are some dire desperate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dire discourage puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Dire Jokes and Puns
Which song does the sperm donor play in repeat?
Dire Straits - Money for Nutting
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?
One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.
^badump ^tssss
What do directors of companies do when they have nothing to do?
They go to the Board room!
Russia is in dire need for someone else..
to be Putin charge.
If I ever need to ask for directions, I will find an Asian person,
because who better to help me get Oriented?
Direct from my 8-year old:
How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
Why did the director put lots of sperms and eggs in his movie?
Sex cells.
1 Direction.
More like 0.8 Direction.
Why did the director get kicked out of the bar?
He was making a scene!
Which director is Hollywood's darling?
Michael Bae
You can explore dire terrible reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dire broward dad jokes. There are also dire puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
One Direction broke up
Everything was just going south.
What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons?
Helmets and Spades. Tee hee.
Who is the director of the first wireless movie?
Christopher No-LAN
I'm directing a film...
... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.
I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.
Music
What do you get if you cross Chris Rea and Dire Straits?
Diarrhea
The director of EA walks into a bar
*Download the punchline for only 4.99*
Getting directions from Donald Trump is a lot like checking the hour on an analogue clock
Always pay attention to where the little hand is pointing
I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake....
But I can show you the whey
At the IRS audit
IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free.
Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that?
IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits.
What direction was Kanye West facing when his dough was rising?
Yeast ;D
*cringe*
What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??
Yeast!!
What did the director say after the actor took the wrong number of pills on the first shoot of a scene?
"Take two!"
Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....
A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!
Director arrested for trying to resurrect Batman franchise
All attempts to raise Bale have failed
French joke
French teacher on the difference between dire vs parler. For the warm up, she says "Let's talk about it."
What is the most directional mental disability?
Down's Syndrome.
Which direction do fungi travel?
yEAST
Frank was in dire need of a liver...
So his friend Fred delivered.
What's the name of a director whose movies you can only download?
Quentin Torrentino
One Direction broke up...
They are finally heading in the right direction.
One direction have gone their seperate ways,
Isn't that ironic!
Directors Brett Ratner and Bryan Singer have been accused of sexual assault. We should have known this years ago, when they raped the X-Men franchise.
Diarrhea sounds exactly how it's described.
Dire rear.
Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms?
Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.
Why did the Dire Straights have so many Easter decorations?
They got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free.
I empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads.
They make me feel like I'm in dire straits.
Currently.
Currently, it's better to be direct than to alternate between weak lines or else she might get confused and ask watt you doing.
Directors are seriously the worst
....they always have to make a scene.
The director of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" series will not be making the third part
I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn
How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
No two, two.
NO THREE THREE THREE
What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap?
I don't need your bad kid knees.
How one direction ended.
The gone 5 directions
What direction did Mr. Bread go?
Yeast.
What did the director say when his dinner arrived?
That's a wrap.
Did you know that Hitler was in dire need of a pedicure while he was leader of the third reich?
He was a toe-talon-aryan
What are the Dire Straits' favorite kind of cracker?
Saltines of swing
one direction fans are the worst.
oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store
They'd get honey for nothin' and chips for free.
The Caribbean is under attack from invasive plant life and other weeds
The situation is dire, specifically the Cuban Thistle Crisis
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dire complicate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dire grim piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.