Dire Jokes
54 dire jokes and hilarious dire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a few minutes to spare? Take a break and read some of the funniest dire jokes around. Enjoy puns, one-liners, and other gems that poke fun of the Latin phrase "dire," meaning "to say." We'll have you laughing with words like "che vuol dire," "que veut dire," and "cosa vuol dire" that are too funny not to share. Also, don't forget those good old Dire Straits and Sorrentino references. So buckle up because these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face, even with the margins of their 'terrible' rating.
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Funniest Dire Short Jokes
Short dire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dire humour may include short rite jokes also.
- Why don't Broward County police officers need to use condoms? Because no matter how dire the situation gets, they won't come inside.
- The Caribbean is under attack from invasive plant life and other weeds The situation is dire, specifically the cuban Thistle Crisis
- French joke French teacher on the difference between dire vs parler. For the warm up, she says "Let's talk about it."
- At the IRS audit IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free.
Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that?
IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits. - Why did the Dire Straights have so many Easter decorations? They got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free.
- What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state? One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.
^badump ^tssss - What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
- Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East.. They should check out Qatar George...
He knows all the Kurds. - I empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads. They make me feel like I'm in dire straits.
- Did you know that h**... was in dire need of a pedicure while he was leader of the third r**...? He was a toe-talon-a**...
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Dire One Liners
Which dire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dire? I can suggest the ones about pare and vice.
- If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store They'd get honey for nothin' and chips for free.
- Diarrhea sounds exactly how it's described. Dire rear.
- Frank was in dire need of a liver... So his friend Fred delivered.
- Music What do you get if you cross Chris Rea and Dire Straits?
Diarrhea - Russia is in dire need for someone else.. to be Putin charge.
- Diarrhoea... They should call is dire rear.
- What do you call poopy games with a lot of DLC? Dire EA
{sorry} - What are the Dire Straits' favorite kind of c**...? Saltines of swing
- Which song does the s**... donor play in repeat? Dire Straits - Money for Nutting
Hilarious Fun Dire Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about dire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean corr jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dire pranks.
A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...
Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.
She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."
If I ever need to ask for directions, I will find an Asian person,
because who better to help me get Oriented?
Direct from my 8-year old:
How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
1 Direction.
More like 0.8 Direction.
Why did the director get kicked out of the bar?
He was making a scene!
Which director is Hollywood's darling?
Michael Bae
One Direction broke up
Everything was just going south.
Who is the director of the first wireless movie?
Christopher No-LAN
I'm directing a film...
... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden.
I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.
The director of EA walks into a bar
*Download the punchline for only 4.99*
Getting directions from Donald Trump is a lot like checking the hour on an analogue clock
Always pay attention to where the little hand is pointing
I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake....
But I can show you the whey
What direction was Kanye West facing when his dough was rising?
Yeast ;D
*cringe*
What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??
yeast!!
What did the director say after the actor took the wrong number of pills on the first shoot of a scene?
"Take two!"
Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....
A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!
Director arrested for trying to resurrect Batman franchise
All attempts to raise Bale have failed
What is the most directional mental disability?
Down's Syndrome.
Which direction do fungi travel?
yEAST
What's the name of a director whose movies you can only download?
Quentin Torrentino
One Direction broke up...
They are finally heading in the right direction.
What's the first direction Siri gives Santa after taking off from the north pole?
Head South.
Directly after witnessing the total solar eclipse, my vision was 180/20...
...my vision was also 180/20 before the eclipse, but still.
One direction have gone their seperate ways,
Isn't that ironic!
Currently.
Currently, it's better to be direct than to alternate between weak lines or else she might get confused and ask watt you doing.
Directors are seriously the worst
....they always have to make a scene.
The director of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" series will not be making the third part
I guess Disney really knows how to fire a Gunn
How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
No two, two.
NO THREE THREE THREE
What direction did Mr. Bread go?
Yeast.
What did the director say when his dinner arrived?
That's a wrap.
one direction fans are the worst.
oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
A director and composer are arguing about the score of a film
Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?
Director: It's instrumental
