Dinner Plate Jokes
37 dinner plate jokes and hilarious dinner plate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dinner plate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dinner Plate Short Jokes
Short dinner plate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dinner plate humour may include short dinner table jokes also.
- My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It's an extremely rare dish order.
- My girlfriend came up to me. She said, "Dinner tonight...On me."
"Thanks," I said, "But I'd rather just use a plate." - After a dinner party ...while taking plates to the kitchen my guest asked if the dishwasher was dirty.
I said no, I believe she showered before dinner. - OCD My little cousin has been diagnosed with an unusual case of OCD where all he does all day is organise dinner plates by the year they were made,
It's an extremely rare dish-order........ - A man takes a plate on a date out to dinner. After they have a nice dinner, they get the check. The plate says,
"Don't worry about paying for our food. It's all on me." - My wife has this unusual case of OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought. It is a very rare dish order.
- My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates.
That table was ruined.
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Dinner Plate One Liners
Which dinner plate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dinner plate? I can suggest the ones about paper plate and dinner.
- Where does a catcher sit down for dinner? Behind the plate
- What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common? They're both pieces of china.
- Why couldn't the boy finish his dinner? Because he had a lot on his plate
Dinner Plate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dinner plate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean diner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dinner plate pranks.
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.
A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.
A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.
Clean as cold water can get it.
A man decides to spend a week on his uncle's farm, well away from the city life. The first night his uncle cooks him a lovely meal and afterwards his uncle takes the dishes away to be cleaned. The next day at breakfast the man notices there still seem to be bits of dinner on the plate. He asks his uncle about it and his uncle replies "It's as clean as cold water can get it." The man accepts that but offers to do the cleaning himself, but his uncle refuses. At dinner the man again notices bits of the last meal still on the dishes. He asks his uncle again, and the reply is still "It's as clean as cold water can get it."
This continues for the week until it's time for the man to leave, but his uncle's dog is blocking the gate and refuses to move. The man asks his uncle to get the dog out of the way and his uncle yells: "Oi! Coldwater! Get out of the way!"
Babe why are you so quiet?
"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.....
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and
his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,
I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just
roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just
to be sure." He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son.
Several days later, he received an email from
his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.
Never lie to your Mother
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?
He said , Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure. He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, your son.
Several hours later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love, Mom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today's Special
A man travels to Spain and goes to a restaurant near the bull arena for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks?
"The Matador Special, Senor," the waiter replies.
"What meat is it?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "They, are the t**... of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted; but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.
"What's this?" he asks the waiter.
"The Matador Special, senor," the waiter replies.
"No, no," the man objects, "I had the Matador Special yesterday and it was much bigger than this."
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not always lose."
A fisherman comes home to his wife
A fisherman comes home to his wife after a day out on the sea. He hands her his catch and after she cleans and cooks they both sit down to a lovely fish dinner. He takes one fish and begins to eat when he notices his wife sullenly looking down at her plate.
After a concerned silence she looks up and speaks. "You always used to take the smaller fish and insist I have the bigger one for myself. I'm starting to feel that you don't love me as much as you used to."
The fisherman chuckles to himself before taking her hand and says, "My love for you hasn't changed, but your cooking has gotten much better!"
A boy and his father are eating lasagna at the dinner table...
The father says ''make sure to lean over your plate, son.''
The boy asks ''but why?''
The father replies with ''so, you'll get less-on-ya''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day Papa bear came downstairs to eat his dinner...
**"WHO HAS ATE MY SOUP"** ,he bellowed as he had seen that his plate before him empty. Little bear came downstairs as well and to his shock, his bowl was empty too. "WHO ATE FROM *MY* BOWL?", he pondered aloud. At this point mama bear came out of the kitchen and replied," What do you guys mean 'who has ate from my soup?' I haven't even gotten serve it yet!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife finish dinner; she goes to clear his plate when he grabs her hand softly.
"Let's make love. Right now." The wife responds to the request tepidly, "But I have to clean up." The husband begs, "Can't it wait?" The wife relents.
They are having s**... when the man asks for a b**.... She remembers the mess in the kitchen and, seeing an opportunity, says, "Okay, but I don't want to see a single dish in that sink tonight." He eagerly agrees.
The wife gives her husband a b**..., and when she's done, the man pulls out a blindfold. Surprised, the wife purrs, "What are you going to do to me?"
Perplexed, the husband responds: "You said you didn't want to see the dishes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... always cleaned his plate at dinner.
But he never could manage to finish off the juice.
This one takes some thinking.
A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club. It's an unusual setup: People have to wait in separate lines for each type of food.
As his date sits down, the guy volunteers to go get their dinner. First he waits in the line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for potatoes. Then he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, and the gravy line. Finally he brings back two full plates of food.
What would you like to drink? he asks.
A glass of punch would be nice, she says. So he goes to get it. He scouts around and finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, and even a line for milk. But after a while he gives up and goes back to his table.
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
Can't cook
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.
I got a cook book once said Larry. But I couldn't do anything with it.
Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asked Frank.
You said it, Larry replied, nodding.
Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate…
A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.
'Much obliged', said he, pushing the plate aside, 'I am not accustomed to taking my wine in pills'.
Quote by Brillat-Savarin
One night my family was having dinner
We were having something Mexican but we had a box of white cheddar cheese itz, we always have some sort of chips or crackers.
My brother had a plate of just rice and he was putting the cheese itz on the rice. I was super confused until he said
Hey Zack, have you heard in our lord and savior, Cheese itz rice?
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
A gentleman and his wife are out to dinner with some friends.
In conversation, the man goes to tell his friend about a restaurant he took his wife to the other day.
"Oh, it was absolutely fantastic. The food was perfect, the service was quick. For $12 we got five plates absolutely filled with the best food we've ever eaten! I'll never forget this restaurant in my life. It was called...um...uh...that flower, what's that flower that smells good, it's got red petals, and it's got thorns up and down the stem--"
His friend replies, "A rose?"
"Yes!" He turns to his wife and says, "Rose, what was the name of that restaurant?"
Revenge on a four-year-old child
A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.
I led the child over to my piano, where I allowed him to randomly hit a few keys. I remarked "Wow, your son has a good musical sense, he's quite talented!"
I heard the child hasn't had any free time ever since.
My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language
I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was all done or wanted more food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate. It's so amazing that, at just 13 months old, he can already get my wife to stop talking.
Two cannibals are sitting eating dinner one night..
one looks to the other and says
"I don't like the look of your mothers face."
The other replies
"Well just put it at the side of your plate and finish the rest of your dinner then!"
At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped
and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"