Dinner Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Dinner puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Dinner

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?

"Gandhi."

Why him?

"More food for me."

I thought of having a threesome

But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents

Two Karens are out having dinner

The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner

I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...

She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."

"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"

"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

A man takes a hooker out to dinner. He gives her his peas

She gives him herpes

We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?

I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?

What are the options?

Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"

Passenger: "What are the options?"

Air Hostess: "Yes and No."

Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...

His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."

Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"

The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

A few minutes later, the dinner was served.

Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.

Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.

Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.

What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner?

A cold shoulder.

Threesome? No thanks

If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.

A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife

Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"


Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"

Person asked me If I wanted to have a threesome

I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

Bringing her home to meet mother

I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.

I wanted to have a threesome..

..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs

She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

[NSFW] Anne recently noticed she had hair growing between her legs...

Frantic, she asks her mom what's going on.

Her mother replies, "Don't worry sweetie, the part where the hair grows is called the Monkey. Be proud that your Monkey is growing hair."

The girl sighs in relief, and later at the dinner table she smiled and told her older sister Beth, "I've got hair growing on my Monkey."

The sister laughs and replies back, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant?

Me: Leave that to me

*later at dinner*

Her dad: *coughs* I need water

Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!

A toast

Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies.

Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

A canibal shows up late to a dinner

He ended up getting the cold shoulder

I never want to have a threesome,

If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents.

Classic dad joke, but in bad taste

So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(

I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe...

I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe;
I said, "They're all named Joe?"
She said "Yeah it's great! When it's time for dinner I just have to yell "Joe! Dinner!" and they all come running.
I said, "but what do you do if you just want one of them?"
She said, "Oh then I just use their last name."

I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge

Went to dinner with my girlfriend tonight and got called a pedophile because I'm 30 and she's 19.

Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.

NSFW At the restaurant, everyone kept calling me a pedophile just because I'm 52 and my wife is 22......

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"

Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .

My wife treats me like a God

Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.

"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

A recently married couple...

A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"

Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."

Wife: "Would you like dinner?"

Husband: "What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or No"

I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night

A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato

"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded

I was having dinner ..

.. .. with Garry Kasporov

and on the table was a checkered tablecloth.


It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.

Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'

We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'

Couple in a Restaurant – Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

After several dates, my girlfriend wanted me to meet her parents, so they invited me over for dinner. It did not go well...

During the meal, somebody started playing footsies with me under the table, then gradually moved up and kept rubbing until I came. Later, I told my girlfriend how much I had enjoyed the sexy play during dinner. She got so mad and said that it wasn't her. I guess I got off on the wrong foot.

My girlfriends dad told me that he'll do to me whatever I do to her.

So I said "I paid for dinner and drove her home".

5 years ago, I asked this beautiful woman if she would go to dinner with me. Last spring, I asked her to be my wife.

Both times she said no.

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch.


I'll show myself out now

Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:

- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

The woman giggles.

- Of course I would!

- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?

The woman looks disgusted.

- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?

- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

What do cannibals get when they are late for dinner?

The cold shoulder

The cannibal was late to dinner

He was given the cold shoulder

My girlfriend asked what I thought about having a threesome.

I said if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I would just have dinner with my parents.

My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting"

then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

Dad, are bugs good to eat..?

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I've met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me,

she said no both times.

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes