Dinner Jokes
141 dinner jokes and hilarious dinner puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about dinner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make sure your dinner party is a success with these dinner jokes! From dinner table talk to dinner speeches, dinner lady jokes to dinner plate puns, we've got the jokes to make your dinner guest laugh and enjoy their meal. Surprise them at your dinner party or restaurant lunchtime with these funny dinner jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Dinner Jokes
- Dinner One Liners
- After Dinner Jokes
- Dinner Table Jokes
- Dinner Party Jokes
- Lunch Dinner Jokes
- More Dinner Jokes
Funniest Dinner Short Jokes
Short dinner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dinner humour may include short diner jokes also.
- If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose? "Gandhi."
Why him?
"More food for me." - I think my family is racist
I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her. - To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys." Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
- My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating? So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.
- Two Karens are out having dinner The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.
- I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly... She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
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Dinner One Liners
Which dinner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dinner? I can suggest the ones about lunch and evening meal.
- What did the cannibal get when he was late to the dinner party? The cold shoulder.
- What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner? A cold shoulder.
- What is a government mandate? When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
- I tell ya, my wife is a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count 'em!
- Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
- What does 69 plus 69 equal ? Dinner for 4
- A canibal shows up late to a dinner He ended up getting the cold shoulder
- My wife treats me like a God Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
- I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato
- Wife: "Would you like dinner?" Husband: "What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or No" - What do cannibals get when they are late for dinner? The cold shoulder
- The cannibal was late to dinner He was given the cold shoulder
- Joke from my 4.5 yo son Where does a T-rex go for dinner?
A DINE-osaur restaurant! - What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party? He got the cold shoulder.
- What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner? All rice, all rice, all rice
After Dinner Jokes
Here is a list of funny after dinner jokes and even better after dinner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
- My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having
- These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
- I was having dinner at my boss's house. His wife said "How many potatoes would you like?"
I said "Just one please."
She said "Oh come on, don't be so polite!"
I said "Ok. Just one, you ugly cow." - I think my wife is racist. I brought my asian girlfriend home for dinner and now my wife isn't talking to me.
- We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one? I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
- What are the options? Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"
Passenger: "What are the options?"
Air Hostess: "Yes and No." - Yesterday at the dinner table my dad asked me, "are you even listening to me?" weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
- Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I'm pregnant? Me: Leave that to me
*later at dinner*
Her dad: *coughs* I need water
Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water! - A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."
Dinner Table Jokes
Here is a list of funny dinner table jokes and even better dinner table puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was having dinner .. .. .. with Garry Kasporov
and on the table was a checkered tablecloth.
It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt. - After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table... I needed a running start, but I did it!
- What's the worst part of thanksgiving dinner in Alabama? Having to sit around a table with all the people you've slept with.
- I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table.. ..We were quite an incestuous family.
- Why don't Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table? Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.
- My mom keeps asking me who made a mess at the dinner table I spilled the beans
- What did the termite eat for dinner? A table for two.
- A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... "Mom?"
"Yes, honey?"
"I can be whatever I want to be right?"
"Yes, dear."
"Then can I be a carnivore?"
"...Eat your vegetables." - How to make your steak taste better? Eat it with bunch of vegans on the dinner table.
- USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table
Dinner Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny dinner party jokes and even better dinner party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party. Oh, wait... I forgot to Count Dracula.
- What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party? The cold shoulder.
- I used to love going to dinner parties as a little girl My wife hated it though.
- How do you find a vegan at your dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
- What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party? Handshakes.
- I showed up late to a cannibal dinner party... They gave me the cold shoulder.
- What did the cannibal who was late to the dinner party get? The left-ovaries.
- Son of a god 8yr old Jesus at dinner party: Can I have wine?
Mom: No you only get water.
Jesus: (Giggling) OK. - The other day I showed up late to a cannibal dinner party. I got the cold shoulder.
- The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
Lunch: Franks
Dinner: Patties
Lunch Dinner Jokes
Here is a list of funny lunch dinner jokes and even better lunch dinner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now - Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
- What are the 2 things you cannot have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
- Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner - If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
- What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup… - NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42... NOAH'S DIARY: Day 42
Dragon steak for lunch, and Unicorn pie for dinner. - Class Teacher At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook! - What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret
Share Hilarious Dinner Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about dinner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dining jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dinner pranks.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
Husband comes home and says:
Husband comes home and says:
- Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
Screaming she replies:
- What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
- I know.
- So why did you invited him?
- Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey has grown hair"
Her sister smiled and said-"that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas" .
I wanted to have a t**.....
..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.
I never want to have a t**...,
If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents.
What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?
The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies.
Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.
t**...? No thanks
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.
Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
A recently married couple...
A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"
Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."
"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.
"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded
Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'
We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'
Person asked me If I wanted to have a t**...
I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
Couple in a Restaurant – Joke
Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…
As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.
Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.
We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.
We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, m**... them, and take their land.
I thought of having a t**...
But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe...
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe;
I said, "They're all named Joe?"
She said "Yeah it's great! When it's time for dinner I just have to yell "Joe! Dinner!" and they all come running.
I said, "but what do you do if you just want one of them?"
She said, "Oh then I just use their last name."
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...
His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."
Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
Bringing her home to meet mother
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife
Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"
I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone
She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge
I s**... identify as a microwave dinner
I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture
My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
A man takes a h**... out to dinner. He gives her his peas
She gives him h**...
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor.
The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."
That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"
He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.
Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"
She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"
Here's a classic jewish joke.
A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, You didn't like the other tie?
My wife called me and said If you're not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I'm giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.
I was home in 3 minutes, I'd hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.
My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..
.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.
Despite the pandemic, my family decided to get together for a big dinner this Christmas
The food was bad though, didn't taste like anything
I didn't feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner
It wasn't so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.
I guess more just grain.
Fermented grain.
Distilled, fermented grain.
I had whisky for dinner tonight.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
I was going to cook alligator for dinner
But then I realized I only have a croc p**...
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."
"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."
Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York s**... dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
———
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
When Love Fades......
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
A teenage girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents
Her parents are disgusted by the boyfriend's crazy haircut, excessive tattoos and piercings.
After dinner, the girl's mom tells her, "Honey, he doesn't seem to be a nice boy. Are you sure about this?"
"Oh please mom." the girl begged. "If he wasn't a nice person why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife
"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."
Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.
While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"
When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.
Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, dear?"
At this his wife turns around angrily and says, "For the third time, sausages!"
Jesus's favorite gun
My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.
He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text that reads "What would Jesus shoot?" That question was a no brainer. I answered "a nail gun."
I don't know why he got mad. Jesus was a carpenter.
The Queen of France is asked by her chef what she would like her and the rest of the court to eat for dinner
"I would like to eat cheese", she said.
"Which kind of cheese?", asked the chef?
"I would like soft French cheese with garlic and herbs", replied the queen. "And there is one more thing I must insist on".
"Anything my Queen. What is it?", replied the chef.
"It is very important that I do not eat from the same piece of cheese as the rest of court.", said the Queen.
"Oh I see how it is", exclaimed the chef. "It's one roule for you, and another for everyone else".
Brown Pants
During the French and Indian Wars in North America, the French captured a British Officer during an engagement. Later that evening the French officers gathered and dined with the new captive.
After dinner the French commander asked their prisoner Sir, we have been wondering why British officers wear a red coat, as it makes you an obvious target for our sharpshooters . The British officer replied We wear it so that if we are wounded, the sight of our blood does not panic our men .
Ever since that day, French Officers have worn brown pants.
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
Dad, are bugs good to eat? asked the boy. Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son, his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, Now, son, what did you want to ask me?
Oh, nothing, the boy said. There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone.
What do you call an artistic meal?
Craft Dinner
