Dinner Guest Jokes
28 dinner guest jokes and hilarious dinner guest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dinner guest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dinner Guest Short Jokes
Short dinner guest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dinner guest humour may include short dinner party jokes also.
- If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
- After a dinner party ...while taking plates to the kitchen my guest asked if the dishwasher was dirty.
I said no, I believe she showered before dinner. - What should you serve for dinner when the guest of honor will be your father who "switched teams" and now is named Ella? paella.
- Wife at dinner party: "my husband is always calling me Sarah Palin" Guests: "that's funny, why does he call you Sarah Palin?"
Wife: "because he hates Sarah Palin."
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Dinner Guest One Liners
Which dinner guest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dinner guest? I can suggest the ones about dinner table and diner.
- Who are the worst guests at a dinner party? Vegan bitcoin owners.
- What do you call it when a cannibal's guests leave the dinner party? a bowel movement
- A cannibal says to his guest "I'm honored to have you for dinner."
- Son your late for dinner ( funny) We had guests
Dinner Guest Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dinner guest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dinner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dinner guest pranks.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Guests are coming tonight.
What's for dinner?
Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.
Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."
*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.
* loud sound comes from the kitchen *
Wife: Everything alright, honey?
Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.
A fine-looking gentleman sat down in...
...the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.
After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter. "Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners!"
"I am so sorry, sir" said the head waiter. "But, you understand-"
"Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."
Guy with a lisp turns up to a dinner party carrying a selection of cheeses and a couple of ducks under his arm
The host says, "thanks for bringing the cheese, but why the ducks?"
The guest replies, "can't have cheese without cwackers"
A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.
When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"
Hurricane Irma was coming, and my mother was thirsty.
My mother has a glass of port wine with almost
every dinner, and insists that any guests over 21 do the same. A handful of my friends have also come to wait out the storm with us, as they had to evacuate. While at the grocery store stocking up on food, my mother insists on getting more wine for our guests. However, the grocery store was out of her favourite brand. It's okay. She said. Any Port in a storm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One wish
"Waiter, does your band play anything by a guest's choice?"
"Of course!"
"Let them play a game of snooker then, so I can e**... dinner in peace!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my husband he really should stop m**....
"Why?", he asked
"Because you're making this dinner party REALLY uncomfortable for our guests."
A man visits a a lovely old couple for dinner.
The man sits down after the table has been set. The man looks down and says, "these dishes are still dirty!" The husband says, "they are as clean as creek water gets 'em!"
The man then goes to the restroom and sees the disgusting toilet bowl, he comes back saying, "do you ever clean around here?" The husband again says, "that's as clean as creek water gets 'em."
Finally the man decides to head to bed and goes into the guest bedroom to find a dog laying on the bed. He comes out yelling, "I am not sleeping with a dog!" The husband looks over and shrugs, "that's just ol' creek water, he never hurt no one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guests are coming tonight
Husband: Guests are coming tonight. What's for dinner?
Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.
Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."
Guest arrives
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.
loud sound comes from the kitchen
Wife: Everything alright, honey?
Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans
The Smiths invite the Jones' over for dinner...
After dinner, Mrs. Smith is cleaning dishes in the kitchen while Mr. Smith entertains their guests. He begins to tell them about a great restaurant that he recently went to with his wife, but can't remember the name of the establishment.
Mr. Smith: "The food was amazing, great service, but I can't recall the name! Help me out... what's that red flower, it's really fragrant, and people give them out on Valentine's Day?"
The Jones': "You mean a rose?"
Mr. Smith: "Yes that's it! HEY ROSE! WHAT WAS THAT RESTAURANT WE ATE AT LAST WEEK?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cannibal Jokes...
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner. As they're tucking into the starter, the guest says
"Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew."
"I know." answers the host. "I sure will miss her."
Two cannibals are sharing a lost tourist.
"You start at the feet. I'll start at the head." says the first. After a little while he notices his friend hasn't said much. "You ok?" he asks.
"Fine." Comes the reply. "I'm having a ball."
"You're eating too fast."
A few fresh snails
Tom's wife was hosting a dinner party for some of her close friends, at their summer home. Moment's before the guests were scheduled to arrive, she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to walk a block down some fresh snails for the party.
On his way to the beach he passed the local bar, and figured he'd stop in for a quick drink before heading down to the beach to search for the snails. One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 5:00 in the morning and he hadn't gotten his wife those snails.
Quickly he hurried down, picked up a few snails, rushed home, and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the snails. At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where he had been and how he had ruined her party.
Tom, looked towards the snails and said C'mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we're there!
A fine country lady is hosting a dinner party
and she wants to serve her famous Mushroom Soup. She invites over the whole neighborhood for dinner. The day of her big event she runs out of mushrooms and the small country store is sold out. She panics! "What evah shall I do??" she pleads to her husband.
"Well" he says "There are lots of mushrooms growing back in the cow pasture. We could use those." "Absolutely not!" she yells. "Those might be poisonous!"
He replies "Tell ya what, I'll go back and pick some and you make a small batch of soup. We'll feed it to the dog, Jack. If he is OK in an hour or so, we'll know they're OK". With no other options, she agrees. He goes and gets the mushrooms, she makes up some soup and old Jack just LOVES it. He horfs it right down and is just happy as a clam.
Few hours go by and old Jack is just dandy. The lady of the house goes into full Dinner Party mode. She is running behind schedule now so she calls the neighbor girl over to help her prepare. The lady figures she should warn the girl about Jack but doesn't want to confess the whole story. She tells the girl to just keep a CLOSE EYE on Jack, that he is very special to the family, and to let her know if anything comes up.
A few hours later the guests start to arrive and they all sit down for an absolutely wonderful presentation of Mushroom Soup. The guests are raving about it. They can't get enough. Everyone is just having a wonderful evening,..
When all the sudden the neighbor girl bursts into the room in hysterics! "OLD JACK IS DEAD!!!!" she cries. "HE'S DEAD, JUST.. DEAD!!"
The country lady immediately jumps into action. She calls the paramedics, the hospital and the police! They all arrive quickly and begin pumping stomaches and administering anti-poison medicines. People are puking in the yard, screaming, and crying. Ambulance after Ambulance comes and goes with guest after guest for what seems like hours.
Finally.. at 5am an exhausted lady and her helpful neighbor girl are setting in the kitchen trying to take stock in what happened. The neighbor girl looks over at the lady and says
"It really is a shame. The guy that ran over old Jack didn't even stop."
A woman stops into her local grocery store to purchase a turkey for her upcoming Thanksgiving dinner.
She browses the selection of turkey, but does not see one that will feed the amount of guests she invited for Thanksgiving.
She walks over to the deli and asks to speak with the butcher. The butcher steps out, wiping his hands on his apron, and asks "How may I help you today?"
The woman replies, "I'm having a large gathering on Thanksgiving and I need to know if these turkeys get bigger".
Without missing a beat the butcher replies, "No, Miss. These turkeys are dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy really loved beans...
...so much that he had to stop eating them because they gave him horrible gas. After a couple of months, he went out to eat and decided to cave in just this one time since he'd been doing so well. He ended up eating 3 bowls of beans before his girlfriend called to make dinner plans. He knew he was going to be gassy, but he figured he could work it out. So that night, he goes over to his girlfriend's house. When he gets there, she tells him that she has a surprise for him but wants to blindfold him. She does, and leads him through the house and to the dining room table. She says she'll be right back, and he hears her leave. After just a few seconds, he gets a familiar rumble in his stomach. The urge to f**... is so great, but knowing his girlfriend is not in the room, he leans all the way to one side and lets it rip. Then the smell. He almost gagged himself, it was horrible. He waved his arms trying to dissipate the smell, and it seemed to go away just before his girlfriend came back in. "Ready?" She asked. He nodded, so she took off the blindfold. She yells, "surprise!" All of the other guests just stood there looking horrified.