Dining Room Jokes
26 dining room jokes and hilarious dining room puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dining room that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dining Room Short Jokes
Short dining room jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dining room humour may include short dining table jokes also.
- My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
- I used to sell home security systems. It was super easy.
I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table. - I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned.
- I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture, but when I got home... ...the tables were turned.
- I saw a half lion, half eagle in the dining room at Hogwarts. Everyone was wondering how it had got in but it was obvious. It came through the Griffindor.
- Dirty things Wife: Honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear !
Husband: Kitchen, living room, laundry, dining room... - I was waiting on my food, when my waitress slipped on a wet spot in the dining room The cook yelled from the back sorry for the long wait times, but our server is currently down
- My chemist wife refurnishes the dining room quite often She favors periodic tables over more permanent ones
- I went to the DIY shop I went to the DIY shop and bought a curtain rail. The shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself. I replied "no you dirty sod. I'm putting it up in the dining room"
- A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
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Amusing Dining Room Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about dining room you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean living room jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dining room pranks.
3 brothers in their 90s lived in the same house.
While the 92yo and 94yo were playing cards in the dining room, the 96yo calls down, "Guys, the bathtub is full, but I can't remember if I was about to get in, or if I just got out."
The 94yo shakes his head and starts up the stairs to help him out. Halfway up, he calls out, "Hey, guys? Was I going up the stairs or down the stairs?"
The 92yo shakes his head and mutters "I hope my memory never gets that bad, knock on wood," as he knocks on the dining table. Then he calls, "I'll be with you guys in a second. Let me check who's at the door first."
A Rich Woman And Her Butler
A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler,
Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom.
She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said,
"Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
A fine-looking gentleman sat down in...
...the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.
After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter. "Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners!"
"I am so sorry, sir" said the head waiter. "But, you understand-"
"Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."
I've heard of Lawyers who mount a stag's head in their study, or Doctors who mount a lion's head in their dining room...
I guess I just don't see the problem with a British Prime Minister mounting a pig's head wherever he pleases.
Anniversary
On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife out to dinner.
Their teenage daughters said they'd have dessert waiting for them when they returned.
After they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!
I suppose, the husband responded, we could vacuum.
Two coworkers chat in the dining room
A: "Hey, you know what I did the other day? I found the courage to finally walk into the bosses office and assertively ask for a raise."
B:"Wow, really? How did it go?"
A:"We've reached a compromise. My pay doesn't change and in return I can keep my job."
Now serving: the Titanic Wedge Salad!
It's made from iceberg lettuce.
Note: I did not make this up. This is actually on the menu at my former workplace (the dining room at my grandmother's retirement home).
If your girlfriend doesn't want to have s**... in the dining room...
... then s**... _on_ the table is _off_ the table.
Where will you find a dog in a Chinese family's home?
Either the kitchen or the dining room
Whats the difference between a black man and a dining room table?
A dining room table can stay and support a family of four.
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off.
I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager.
A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
An old couple has friends over for dinner one evening...
After a pleasant dinner, the women stay in the dining room to chat whilst the men retire to the living room.
One of the men says to the other,
We went to this wonderful restaurant the other week, you should visit it some time! Wonderful portion sizes and prices.
The other ponders this and replies,
What's it called?
He thinks about it for a moment before replying.
What's the name of that flower - you know, that thorny one? For Valentine's Day?
A rose?
Oh! Yes!
He turns around and yells into the other room, Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last week?
A Rabbi is stranded on a desert island...
A Rabbi is stranded on a desert island. After years of solitude, he is finally rescued. His years of loneliness and the island's abundant resources have let him build many creature comforts. He shows his rescuers around the island.
"Here's my dining room," he says, pointing to an area with a palm-leaf roof.
"And here's my kitchen," he says, pointing to an area by the lagoon surrounded by stones.
"And here," he says, pointing to a beautiful hut, "is my synagogue where I go pray."
The rescuers see another building of equal beauty across the island. "What building is that over there?" they ask.
"Ugh, that's the other synagogue. You wouldn't catch me dead in there!"
Ask Jeeves
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay with the others since several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said, "take off my dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she continued, "take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said, "remove my bra and p**...." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
What is wrong with the soup?
A man is sitting at his table in the hotel dining room with a bowl of soup in-front of him. He calls the waiter over and asks him to taste the soup.
The waiter said; 'Is it something wrong with the soup?'
The man said; 'Just taste the soup!'
The waiter said; ' You haven't even touched the soup so how do you know it is something wrong with it?'
The man said; ' JUST TASTE THE BLXXDING SOUP WILL YHAA!'
The waiter said; 'OK THEN.......Where is the Spoon?'
The man Said; 'Aha!'
:) It is a really old post-war joke, but I thought it was worth sharing.
A lady and her butler
A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early. She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room. She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom. She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and p**...." The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said, "Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."