The Best 24 Dine Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dine jokes. There are some dine cuisine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dine daesh puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dine Jokes and Puns

Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing.

Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...

I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...

When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...

I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.

He replied with 'Fuck off you piece of shit!'

I work in a prison.

What do you call a dinner at a fancy restaurant with your 3 year old?

Whine & dine

I'll see myself out

Dine joke, What do you call a dinner at a fancy restaurant with your 3 year old?

How do you think the unthinkable ?

With an itheberg.

Btw.. every single person i've ever told this joke to said they didn't get it or that it wasn't funny.. why am I the weirdo that finds it funny? And why am I picturing Mike Tyson?

Obv not my joke I heard it on Come Dine With Me

Why do so many recovering alcoholics dine at Japanese restaurants?

Best place to get Soba.


I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out Help, does anyone know CPR?! Yes! I cried. They're three letters in the alphabet! Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn't get the joke.

"Spartans, tonight, we dine in hell!!"

"Jerry, don't scream at the kids like that! If you don't want to come at my mother's dinner, don't"

Dine joke, "Spartans, tonight, we dine in hell!!"

Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..

Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?

When I was at the diner tonight my waitress had a black eye.

When I ordered I ordered real slow because apparently she don't listen so good.

What did the diner waitress say to Attila?

"More coffee, Hun?"

Diner: Can I ask about the menu please?

Waitress: The men I please are none of your business!

You can explore dine diner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dine resturant dad jokes. There are also dine puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Last night, I had dinner at one of those illicit restaurants where you can dine on endangered species.

I left there full of egret.

You know the fool-proof method to get your girl pregnant right?

Wait until the perfect Friday night and treat her real fine. I'm talking start with chocolate, flowers, the works. Dress in y'alls Sunday best and go to the best Italian place in town. Wine her and dine her then take her home. Take it slow but start getting her real hot. I'm talking wet enough to drown a fish. Once you've done every single step, in that order, absolutely perfectly, you call me over.

What do you call an expensive restaurant?

Dine & Whine

Besides, rotisserie meat is too tough for those tiny army knives.

Swiss people refuse to dine at Boston Market because they hate choosing sides.

A diner was disgusted to find a hare in his salad

It was already halfway through the lettuce

Dine joke, A diner was disgusted to find a hare in his salad

I'm thinking of opening a restaurant in Syria

But I'm afraid the customers will dine and daesh.

Why do diners in Kansas put a red star next to Vanilla ice cream?

to warn that it may be considered "too spicey" for the average customer

If there's an upset in the 2018 Russian Presidential elections, I'll never dine with a Russian again.

They can't stop talking about going Putin-free.


What is Osama bin Laden's favourite way to dine?

Aaaalllllaaaahhhhh carte.

A diner ordered the chicken parmesan at a restaurant

Waiter: "Actually the kitchen has run out of parmesanβ€”i'm very sorry, sir ."

Diner: "No parm, no fowl."

I went to a restaurant to dine last week.

When I returned to my car, there was a parking ticket stuck on the windshield.

Well, that was fine dining!

Tonight we dine on the flesh of the enemy.

Or they shall be dining on ours.

JK HAPPY ELECTION DAY!!!

Christmas is like a one night stand.

We wine it and dine it and make it feel like it's the most important holiday ever, then the morning after we're full of regret trying to find our pants and hoping we don't have a VD.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dine scrumptious jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dine delicacy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes