The Best 78 Dime Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dime jokes. There are some dime dollar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dime defy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Dime Jokes and Puns
How many dimensions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. Two to rotate, one to get it done in time.
If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.
A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest penthouse suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."
If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change
I'd still say no.
First job
A teenager walks proudly home one afternoon to tell his farther dime good news.
Teen: Hey dad, guys what, today i got my first job!
Father: Congratulations son, I'm very proud of you. How much does it pay?
Teen: (confused) well, so far I'm out 20 bucks. But if she starts paying me, I may have found a career!
A Million Dollars
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.
"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"
GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"
GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."
The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"
GOD said, "In a minute."
So a Hispanic man walks into a bar...
He sees an old cigarette machine and decides to buy a pack. He puts in his change and the machine flashes the words, DIME, DIME, DIME. He looks around and whispers to the machine, Malboro.
Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...
The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.
How do you know you're playing a Jewish Football team (American Football)
On defense, they only run the Dime Formation
Did you hear about the new Israeli sports car?
It turns on a dime then goes back and picks it up.
Have you heard about the new car from Israel?
Not only does it stop on the dime, but it picks it up too!
You can explore dime quiero reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dime coin dad jokes. There are also dime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You know what's great about jewish tires?
They don't just turn on a dime, they pick it up too
My dealer needed to do laundry
so i sold him a dime bag of quarters.
How did the gangster die below the Empire State Building?
Someone dropped a dime on him.
Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not?
Because the dime had more cents.
If I had a dime for every time I quoted the movie Blazing Saddles...
I would have a shitload of dimes.
You have a dime in one hand and a nickel in the other. What are you?
Broke.
Jewish Car
Did you hear about the new Jewish car?
Not only can it turn on a dime, but it can go back and pick it up too
My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection!
At least I was able to turn on a dime.
The Jews have designed a sports car...
It can stop on a dime, and the Jew got out and picked it up.
Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company?
Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime.
What do you call a frugal Transformer?
Optimus Dime.
What is Oskar Schindler's favorite song?
I've paid my Jews.
Dime after dime....
If I got a dime every time I exaggerated...
I'd have a jillion, gazillion bucks!
You heard about the new Jewish designed car?
It stops on a dime... & picks it up.
Did you hear about the new Israeli Sportscar?
Not only will it stop on a dime but it'll pick the thing up too!
If I had a dime for everytime I thought about you...
I would definitely think about you
Little Johnny was made fun of...
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Firestien just came out with a new Jewish tire.
It not only stops on a dime, it picks it up too.
If I had a dime for every time I lost something between the couch cushions...
I would probably lose those between the couch cushions too.
Why is 2 dimensional soda not popular?
Because it's always flat.
Where does a two dimensional man live?
A flat.
If I had a dime for every nickel I had
I would have three cents
Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...
Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"
If I had a dime for every time I saw a BMW turn without signalling
...I could buy a BMW.
This vehicle stopped on a dime.
Unfortunately the dime was in Joeys pocket.
My grandmother is so cross-eyed, she dropped a dime..
... And picked up two nickels.
A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts in 65
The machine reads "dime" so he gets closer and whispers "quiero Pepsi".
If I had a dime for every time I bragged about my bank balance
I'd have 10 cents.
Fake people are like pennies
Two-faced and not worth a dime.
If I had a dime for every time I didn't think something through...
I'd have...well, I don't know really, I guess a lot of dimes.
Oh hey, just found a dime.
A latino goes to a vending machine
He gets a soda for 75c. He puts in 65c. The machine says "dime", so he whispers quiero una pepsi porfavor
Mexican prostitutes are a dime a dozen.
You start to feel like you got ripped off after the first 7.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime...
But I can't do his job,
I barely do mine.
Why did the nickle leave the penny on the ground?
It's not worth his dime.
Not a dime of our taxes was used to buy bookmarks....
Politicians prefer to bend a page over.
If I had a dime for every math problem I get wrong
I'd have $1.46
A Mexican man puts two quarters and a nickel into a vending machine to buy a soda
but the price is 65 cents. Instead of dispensing the soda the machine it reads "DIME" so the man leans in and says Quiero una Coca
Carpe Dime
Seize the coin.
Who was the sexiest U.S. president?
Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd U.S. President
He was a dime piece
If I had a dime for every time I got annoyed at American-english....
I wouldn't know how much I had. Why can't you americans just use numbers.
A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine...
A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine and puts in 40 cents. The machine displays "DIME" on the screen. The man gets close to the machine and whispers, "Yo quiero Pepsi"
Why was the orange-colored metal police officer found not guilty of trespassing inside the world largest dime?
Everyone knew that copper was in a cent.
If I had a dime for every homeless man that asked for money
I would probably keep it for myself.
The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive.
"I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."
"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."
"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."
Did you hear about the new Jewish Tires?
They stop on a dime and pick it up too.
If I had a dime for every time I had no idea what was going on…
I'd be like Yo, what's with all these dimes?
I feel bad for whoever invented the change machine.
The poor guy never made a dime off of it.
What do you call a homeless transformer?
Optimus dime.
A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...
"How much are the protons?"
"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."
I donated $100 to a charity that helps the blind.
Too bad they'll never see a dime of it.
If I had a dime for every time A beautiful woman looked at me longingly...
I'd have a cent and a half from that time I met Handsome Steve.
What is a dimension completely inhabited by sheep?
A eweniverse.
Have you heard of Firestone's new tires?
They're called Firesteins. Not only do the stop on a dime, they pick them up too.
I'm never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Not a dime in my bank account was inherited.
It was gifted to me by my parents, whom are still alive and well!
They always told me you have to spend money to make money
I've maxed out 2 credit cards already and about to lose my home and I haven't made a single dime yet!
A chinese and a jew were travelling in a train ..
A cockroach came through the window. At once the chinese caught and ate it. Jew was dumbstrucked.
After a while another cockroach came through. With lightning fast action the jew caught it , before the chinese and asked,"wanna buy it for a dime?"
Have you seen that picture of young FDR? You'd almost say...
He's a dime piece
If I had a dime for every time I didn't understand what was going on...
I'd be asking, "Where are all these dimes coming from?"
My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...
...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.
My coworker makes pennies.
We work at a mint.
If I had a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on
I'd be like why do yall keep giving me dimes??
If I had a dime for every time I had no idea what was going on...
I would be crushed by dimes and have no idea why.
All you can drink for a dime (an old Flip Wilson joke)
A kid sets up a lemonade stand in front of his house, with a sign that says, All you can drink for a dime.
Before too long, a man happens by, sees the sign, and thinks it's a good deal. He gives the kid a dime and the kid hands him a cup.
The man tosses it back and says, Hey, that was pretty good. I'll have another.
The kid says, That'll be another dime.
Now wait a minute, says the man, your sign says 'all I can drink for a dime.'
But you just had a cup, didn't you? asked the kid.
Yeah.
Well, that's all you can drink for a dime.
In my day, I could walk into the grocery with a dime and walk out with a loaf of bread, half a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a pound of hamburger.
Nowadays they've got these newfangled cameras everywhere.
Nickel & Dime Dining
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
What do you call a person that has a penny, a dime, and a quarter?
Nickel-less
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dime circumsized jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dime penny piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.