Dilemma Jokes
74 dilemma jokes and hilarious dilemma puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dilemma that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some hilarious false dilemma jokes? Check out this article to discover the most problematic and mysterious jokes in the form of an equation!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Dilemma Short Jokes
Short dilemma jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dilemma humour may include short predicament jokes also.
- I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
- What is the greatest dilemma for a Jewish mother? She finds out her son is gay, but is dating a doctor.
- Lawyers' Ethical Dilemma When a client gives you two hundred dollar bills stuck together from the bank machine to pay a $100 bill, do you tell your law partner?
- Dilemma If you had to choose between your wife or a million dollars, which car would you buy first?
- What's the difference between your dentist and a philosopher? Your dentist helps you solve molar dilemmas.
- Have you heard the dilemma of the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
- What's the biggest dilemma of libraries Deciding where to put the bible, fiction or non-fiction
- Eventhough technology is advancing, there is still a dilemma between wired or wireless. There are many things in which wired is better.
Example: hanging yourself. - Emma's dilemma Lady next door: What happened to your face?
Emma: My husband hit me.
Lady next door: Isn't he out of city?
Emma: I also thought so. - Environmentalist Dilemma Biggest dilemma for an environmentalist in Washroom:
'Should I save water or save paper?'
Share These Dilemma Jokes With Friends
Dilemma One Liners
Which dilemma one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dilemma? I can suggest the ones about trouble and problematic.
- What's a dilemma for an atheist vegan? What will they tell you about first??
- What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham
- A Jewish dilemma? Free ham
- What's a Jewish dilemma? Free bacon.
Let the downvotes rain down on me. - What is a jewish man's biggest dilemma? Free bacon
- Hear about the mushroom who had to make a tough choice? It was a big morrel dilemma.
- What is a Jewish dilemma? Free ham
- What do you call a dilemma in Southeast Asia? A krises.
- What do you call a Liberal dilemma? Snowden hacking Hillary's files.
- What do you get when you cross a Jew and a cop? A moral dilemma.
- Do you know a Jew's eternal dilemma? Pork is free of charge
- A pencil sketch artists' greatest dilemma..... 2B or not 2B?
- What's a Jewish dilemma? Half-priced ham.
- If you hasten the dalai lama... You end up with a dilemma.
- A Programmer's Dilemma Roses are red
Violets are blue
Expected '{' token
At line 32.
Uplifting Dilemma Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about dilemma you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crisis jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dilemma pranks.
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.
Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark."
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"m**... from Colombia."
"Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard.
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew."
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew?"
"c**... from Bolivia."
"Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?"
"It's John."
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John?"
"Crack from New York."
"Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas!"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas?"
"FREEZE! THIS IS THE DEA!"
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world.
In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark" Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"m**... from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?"
"c**... from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?"
"FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Fred drank a lot and his wife said "If you ever come home drunk again, I'm gonna leave you"...
Inevitably, he went out to a pub, drank too much and threw-up all over himself. He turned to his friend and shared his dilemma "If I go home in this state my wife will leave me". His friend replied "I tell you what, go home and tell her somebody threw-up over you and gave you twenty-pounds. Show it to her and say he gave you this for the dry-cleaning bill". Fred goes home and his wife starts shouting at him. Quickly, he says "No, no, no, somebody threw-up over me, gave me twenty-pounds for the dry-cleaning bill", She looks at him and asks "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in your hand, then?", Fred, smiling says "Oh the other is from the man who s**... in my underpants".
A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.
Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, the guy snatches his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours a little whiskey in the snake's mouth. His eyes roll back and he goes limp. The guy releases him into the lake without incident and carries on fishing using the frog.
A little later, he feels nudge on his foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
Jesus and Drugs
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "m**... from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "c**... from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
Dam's biggest dilemma...
Dammed if I do, d**... if I don't.
So the boss wants to fire one of his employees...
When his company fell on hard times, the boss realized that he'd have to lay off one of his two middle managers. As both Jack and Liz were equally honest and dedicated to their jobs, he was unable to decide which one to fire. To resolve his dilemma, the boss arbitrarily decided that the first to leave his or her desk the next morning would be the one to get the ax. The next morning found Liz at her desk, rubbing her temples. Asking Jack for some aspirin, she headed for the water fountain and that's where the boss caught up with her. "I've got some bad news for you, Liz," he said. "I've got to lay you or j**...." "j**...," she snapped. "I have a headache."
An Australian man decides to visit New York City...
An Australian man decides to visit New York City one day. After the long flight, he decides that he wants to wander around and see the sites. As he is crossing a busy street however, traffic picks up all around him, and he is stuck in the middle of the road. Several police officers notice his dilemma and halt traffic to help him out. One of the officers walks up to him angrily and asks "What's the matter?! Did you come here to die?"
The Australian man simply replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
A student goes up to his professor after class...
A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed n**... with a gorgeous n**... g**... the right of you, and a n**... gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"
A dilemma
A student asked his english professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma." "The professor said, "well, there's nothing better than an example to illusrate that! "Imagine that you are laying in a bed with a beautiful n**... young woman on one side and a gay man on the other." "Who are you going to turn your back on?"
Mickey's Yellow Snow Dilemma...
Mickey was angry because somebody was writing "Mickey s**..." in yellow snow outside of his front door every time it snowed. He ended up going to his friend who was a cop to ask for help. The cop checked it out and took some photos and samples. A couple of days later the cop came back to Mickey:
"Well, the good news is we've figured out that the u**... came from your friend, Goofy. The bad news - it's Minnie's handwriting..."
Christian Drugs.
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "m**... from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "c**... from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
A boss had a sudden dilemma...
...as due to the company's restructuring, he has to fire one of two employees, Karen or Jack. Both are excellent workers and are perfect for the job, but the position was deemed redundant and only one should stay.
While out for lunch, he decided to confide with his office friend, "Look, I can't really decide on this matter. What do you think: should I take Karen or j**...?"
His friend replied, "Well, kidnapping is a crime and m**...'s not. I think the answer's obvious."
When life gives you dilemma
make dilemma-nade
What to Wear
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most s**... negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get s**..."
So, there's this man named Dave and he's been a really successful doctor
However, lately he's been facing a little dilemma of wanting to have s**... with his patients.
One voice in his head says, "Oh come on Dave, there's probably been plenty of doctors who have done this before, it won't be any different if you do it too".
The other voice in his head says "But Dave, you're a veterinarian".
Donald's Dilemma
Should his first action as President be to jail Hillary, or deport Obama to Kenya?
General Motors finally solved their workplace diversity dilemma
There are equal numbers of black, white, brown, red, yellow, and orange robots. Half the robots have p**... drawn on them.
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're n**... and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
What is an even bigger Jewish dilemma?
Free Palestine.
A son asks his father, Dad, what's a dilemma?
Well, Son, imagine you were lying in bed, n**..., and, to one side, is a beautiful, young, n**... woman, and, to the other side, is a very muscular, gay man; who ya gonna turn your back on?
Do you know the definition of Dilemma?
Lying in a bed n**... between two people, on your left is a gay guy and on the right is a super model, which one do you turn your back to?
What is a Jew's most difficult dilemma when buying beer?
Whether or not to choose Hamm's.
The owner of a dry cleaning business finds a $20 bill left in the pockets of a pair of pants that was dropped off. He now has a dilemma....
Does he tell his partner or not?
I have a dilemma. They say you should always give 100%, and I was raised to give 110%...
but... I am at the blood center.
I'm in somewhat of a moral dilemma
I've recently gotten really into the whole b**... thing, you know, the chains, the whips, I'm the master, she's the s**.....
But I'm kinda only into black chicks.
If you can't decide whether to buy real flowers or fake ones
do you have a floral dilemma?
Burial dilemma.
Husband & wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $5,000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:"Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"
Man: "Nothing like that Father.. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. Why take unnecessary risk!!!
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
An old woman visits a lawyer to draw up a will. He completes the process and charges her $100. She hands him a crisp, brand new $100 bill and as she turns to leave the lawyer notices another $100 bill stuck to it. His moral dilemma is causing him great discomfort because...
He can't decide if he should tell his partner.
Two Aggies bag a deer
Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck."
A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the deer the other way, the antlers won't stick in the mud."
So the Aggies give it try and it works! The first Aggie says, "That hunter was right! This way is a lot easier."
The second Aggie says, "Sure was, but now we're two miles from the truck."
Dilemma
Police: Why did you not report the stolen card immediately?
Guy: Actually, the thief was spending less money than my wife.
Police: So, why are you reporting now?
Guy: I think, now the thief's wife has the card.
Dilemma
A male student asked his english professor what is the definition of dilemma? .
The Professor said well there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that
Imagine that you are laying in the middle of a big bed with a beautiful n**... young woman on one side, and a gay man on the other, who are you going to turn your back on?
A lawyer gets paid
A client owed his lawyer $100. He handed him a crisp, new $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that he actually received two $100 bills stuck together. This presented him with a dilemma. Should he tell his partner or not.
