Digging Holes Jokes
110 digging holes jokes and hilarious digging holes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about digging holes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Digging Holes Short Jokes
Short digging holes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The digging holes humour may include short digging jokes also.
- I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
- If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
- My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well
- How do you catch an elephant? First you dig a big hole and fill it with ashes. Next you put peas around the hole. When it comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.
- I have a story about digging holes... But you probably wouldn't enjoy it because it's just boring
- How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.
- Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin? It was a grave excavation.
- As my old Grandad was so fond of saying , "When you're in a hole stop digging" It cost him his job in the graveyard , though.
- What happens when you dig a hole in the middle of the road and name it love? People fall in love.
- While renovating my fence I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with silver, gold and platinum The things you get by re-posting.
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Digging Holes One Liners
Which digging holes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with digging holes? I can suggest the ones about well digging and grave digging.
- What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard? Well, well, well
- I got a job digging holes. It's well boring.
- How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!
- I was gonna dig a deep hole... ... but it turned out well.
- I'm thinking about digging a hole to get some water It's going well
- My dog kept digging holes in the back yard... ..so I hide all the shovels
- Why is digging a hole not a good way to entertain yourself? Because it's boring.
- Why don't people dig holes underground anymore? It's boring
- If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
- I had this friend who'd only talk about digging holes... He was always boring
- Yesterday I was digging a hole... Sorry I can't finish this joke it's just too dirty.
- Chuck Norris once decided to dig a hole, today we call it the Grand Canyon.
- What did the pirate do before burying his treasure? Dig a hole...
- How do you know when the hole you're digging is big enough? When the (w)hole job's done.
- I just got a great deal on lots of digging equipment... It was hole-sale.
Digging Holes Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about digging holes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean digger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make digging holes pranks.
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Q: How do you capture a polar bear? A: You dig a hole in the snow and set peas around it.
When the bear comes to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole
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Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole.
The next door neighbor saw him and asked;
"Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?"
"My goldfish died, and I have to bury it."
"Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?"
"Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your s**... cat!"
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How do you catch a bear?
First, dig a large bear-sized hole. Then, burn up some paper and fill the hole with ash. Lastly, kick the bear in the ash-hole.
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How do you capture a polar bear?
1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
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How to catch an elephant
Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.
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Cemetery
Which is better: a cemetery or a jewish cemetery?
A Jewish one because I only need to dig one hole.
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How do you catch a polar bear?
First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Oldie but a goodie
An old farmer was busy plowing his field when he heard a terrible noise and looked up. A busload of politicians was careening wildly down the road, then spun out of control, flipped several times, and crashed into tree.
The old farmer hurried to the site of the accident. Seeing the wreckage and carnage, he sadly went about digging a large hole to bury the dead.
A few hours later, the sheriff came by, searching for the missing politicians. When he saw the crashed bus, he stopped and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer gravely shook his head and said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied grimly, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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Hunting Polar Bears
A hunter decides he wants to hunt a polar bear in the northern tundra. He hires a plane and a guide to take him out in to the ice fields. He asks the guide if he has any advice on how to catch a polar bear.
"It's quite simple," the guide responds. "First you take your shovel and dig a large hole in to the ice. Then take this can of peas and sprinkle them around the hole."
Confused, the hunter asks, "How on earth is that going to help me catch a polar bear?"
The guide smiles, "When the bear bends over to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!"
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"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.
"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."
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A German, a Mexican, and a c**...
A German, a Mexican, and a c**... all come to the U.S. together eager to live the American dream. Ready to work, they go around knocking on doors asking if anyone needs help. An old man answers the door and informs them that he needs a new barn built. The three agree to do it and follow the old man behind the house.
The old man explains what he wants and leaves them to it telling them that they'll find tools in the old barn.
The German takes charge and says, "I'll design it and supervise the job." Points to the Mexican and says, "You'll do the labor and dig the foundation," and points to the c**... and says, "You'll be in charge of the supplies."
Immediately the c**... takes off. After a little while the German completes the design and the Mexican gets right to work. A little while later the foundation has been excavated and the German and the Mexican look at each other wondering where the c**... is with the supplies. About half an hour later, the Mexican climbs out of the hole and joins the German in the search for the c**....
They are look around the old barn and as they're about to round the corner, the c**... jumps out with a smile on his face and his hands flailing in the air and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
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There were two fellas working for the town council one day, walking through the park.
One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill it in. They worked furiously all day without rest, o**... digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you're putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again.
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we're a three-man team, but the bloke who plants the trees is sick today."
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Bury the dead!
One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"
Two men are working by the side of the road...
One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks "What in the world are you two doing?"
One of the workers replies, "We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today."
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
My water stopped working for a bit today.
My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"
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How to Catch a Polar Bear
1. Dig a hole in the ice
2. Line the edge of the hole with peas
3. Wait for a polar bear to come along
4. When the bear comes along and bends over to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole
A young girl was digging a hole...
...one day when the neighbor passed by on his way home from work.
"What's the hole for?", the neighbor asked.
"It's for my fish", the little girl replied.
The neighbor left the girl to herself and sat down for dinner and afterwards stepped outside for some fresh air and saw the little girl still digging away.
"What's with making the hole do big, I thought it was for your fish.", the man said to the girl.
"It is. But it was in your cat"
How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?
By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage
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How to catch a bear.
Dig a deep hole, fill it with twigs and other pieces of firewood, and burn the wood. When the wood is all good and burned, cover the hole with some sort of coverage, and open a can of vegetables, like peas and place the peas all around the entrance to the hole. Hide somewhere downwind of the hole
When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
How do you make your own Brad Pitt?
Dig a hole and throw some loafs and a couple buns into it.
Routines
Two guys are working for the city. As they went down the street, one would dig a hole--he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole--fill, fill, fill. The two worked furiously--one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man watching them from the sidewalk couldn't believe how hard they were working, but he also couldn't understand what they were doing.
Finally, he said to the digger, I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole, and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!
The hole digger replied, Oh yeah. We must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.
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To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):
First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.
What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?
A paracetamole!
City workers
A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.
What did the field say to the other field while the farmer was digging holes into him?
This really irrigates me
How to catch a polar bear (a joke by my grandpa)
To catch a polar bear you first need to dig a hole in the ice. Then take a can of peas and sprinkle them in the hole. Next you wait for a polar bear to walk by and kick him in the ice hole.
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How to capture an elephant
step 1 dig a hole.
step 2 fill the hole with ash.
step 3 surround it with peas.
step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!
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Two Irishmen were working for the city public works department.
p**... would dig a hole and m**... would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, p**... digging a hole, and m**... filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
So he asked p**..., I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it:why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?
p**... wiped his brow and sighed, Well, we're normally a three-person team, but today the lad who plants the trees called in sick .
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How to catch an elephant
Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.
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If American dogs dig holes to China, where do Chinese dogs dig holes to?
Nowhere, slaughterhouses have concrete floors.
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There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all s**.... We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
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How do you catch an Elephant?
Dig a hole, fill it with ashes, and line the outside with peas.
So when the Elephant comes to take a pea, you can kick him in the ash hole.
A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...
...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"
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How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?
Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.
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How do you capture an elephant?
You dig up a hole, put ashes in it and surround the hole with peanuts. Then, you kick him in the ash hole.
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How do you catch an elephant?
You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.
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How to catch a polar bear
First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to catch a bear
First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.
Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.
Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
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How do you dig a deep hole without a shovel?
Vote republican.
A woman is sitting in a park one day, watching two men work.
A woman is sitting in a park one day, watching two men work. The first man digs a hole, and then the second man fills it back in. Then the first man digs another hole, and again, the second man fills it back up. They keep doing this over and over again. Finally, the women asks them, Why do you keep digging holes and filling them back in? One of the guys replies, Well, usually there's a third guy here who puts in the tree, but he's out sick today.
Two men were going around the park.
One of them dug holes into the ground, then the other would fill them in, they did this for hours, went to a break for lunch, then, as they were about to get back at it, a boy walked up to them and asked why they were doing this.
One of them told the boy "We're planting trees."
"But you don't actually plant trees in the holes" the boy said.
"Oh, that's true! I dig holes, Steve plants a tree, and Bill fills them in." said one of them.
The other then replied "Yeah, but Steve called in sick today."
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.
Two bananas were digging a hole
Suddenly one of them said: "I'm quiting, my back is becoming crooked.''
I had been digging for a long time today.
Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...
Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.
One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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How do you catch a bear?
You dig a hole, and fill it up with ashes. Then you line up frozen peas around the hole.
And when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.
What do Jesus, Kurt Cobain and Trump have in common?
A hole.
Jesus in his hands, Kurt Cobain in his head and Trump is digging one for America.
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By the book
Lady looks out her window and sees a couple of Parks and Recreation guys setting up cones before they start work.
They finish and o**... digs a big hole by the sidewalk.
He finishes, they chat and drink coffee, then he walks about 10 yards away and starts a second hole, meanwhile, the second guy begins filling in the first hole.
They finish, chat and drink coffee, then first guy digs third hole and second guy fills second hole.
She waits until they pause again and walks out to see what's going on.
"What are you guys doing?
"Well, lady, were supposed to be planting trees, but there isn't any budget to buy them, so the Union told us to get to work. So here we are."
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When the kids said they were going to dig a hole to China . . .
I warned them that it would be boring.
My therapist said the fact that I keep digging that weird hole is shallow
I said it's deep for me
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
A Guy was digging a hole
A guy was digging a hole and when he finished he asked his friend Now what am I going to do with all this dirt? His friend said well, why don't you dig another hole and put the dirt in that one
2man Team
Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."
I was walking through the park and seen two blondes
I was walking through the park and seen two blondes. One was digging a hole and the other was filling it in. I asked what was going on and they said there's usually three of us but the one who plants the tree in on the sick
I should dig a hole and name it love
So I can watch people fall in love and cry at my lonely, depressing life
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How do you trap an elephant?
You dig a hole, put peanuts around it and ash inside it and when the elephant gets close you kick him in the ash-hole.
A guy is sitting on a park bench...
... when he notices something odd about two workmen by the side of the path. The first workman would dig a hole, then the second workman would fill the hole, and the pair would move along a few feet and repeat the process. He is intrigued and watches them a for few minutes, digging and filling holes. Eventually he can't stand it any more and gets up to talk to them.
"Excuse me," he says. ""I've been watching you a little while. Do you mind me asking what are you doing?"
The first workman looks up from his digging and replies, "Sure thing. We're planting trees, but Fred's off sick today."
Two Hardworking Irishmen
Two Irishmen were working hard one day. One man
was digging these foot deep holes and the second man would follow him and fill the hole with dirt.
One bystander saw the two and was very confused on what they were trying to accomplish so he decided to ask. Excuse me sirs says the civilian, I appreciate the hard work you two are doing but what are you hoping to accomplish ?
The Irishman responds , Ya I could see where you might be confused . You see usually there is a third one of us who places a seed in the hole but he called in sick today .
A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks.....
He was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I'm really impressed and appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you keeps digging holes, and then the other one immediately fills them back again.
One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."