Digestible Jokes
81 digestible jokes and hilarious digestible puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about digestible that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Digestible Short Jokes
Short digestible jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The digestible humour may include short jokes also.
- How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#? It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.
- Watson: what is another name for the digestive tract? Holmes: Alimentary, my dear Watson.
- Did you hear about the buffalo fossil excavation where they found partially digested mail bags in their stomachs? It turns out they were stamp eating across the Midwest.
- I like my women like I like my coffee.... ...passed through the digestive system of a civet.
>also, requesting any other versions you may have. - Others change, but you should be yourself! said one corn to another in the digestive tract
- I went to the Doctors today for a checkup He told me that I had one of the best digestive systems he'd ever seen.
So today I'm celebrating superb bowel sunday. - Eat Marshmallow and Digest a Pillow I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
- What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library? Digest Readers.
- If CRIPSR becomes commercialized, there should be a magazine that advertises its genetic-altering capabilities And one day, we'll all have a subscription to Breeder's Digest.
- Amy Schumer and a dyslexic vegan are eating a cannibal... The vegan turns to Amy and says "this is more meta than I can digest"
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Digestible One Liners
Which digestible one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with digestible? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Just finished the book Eating for Dummies Boy was it hard to digest
- What do you call stolen digestive medication? Klepto-Bismol
- This might be hard for some people to digest... Dairy.
- Why do cannibals hang out in libraries? Because Readers Digest
- You know what really takes guts? Digestion.
- I had a joke about what happens to corn in the digestive system. But it's recycled.
- What do you call high school students doing a digestive system test? In-test teens.
- What do you call the outcome of someone reading a book on the toilet? Reader's Digest.
- Which character in Game of thrones has a healthy digestive system Bran
- Like a radiologist researching sausage digestion, I tend to see the Wurst in people
- What's Boba Fett's favorite magazine? Sarlacc Digest.
- How Did 10 Die? Seven finally finished digesting 9.
- My baker told me he's been adding sawdust to his flour This is a lot to digest.
- They say it takes 7 years to digest swallowed chewing gum. Yet somehow, I'm still hungry.
- Did you hear about the new digestive aid from Apple? It's called iPoop.
Digestible Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about digestible you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make digestible pranks.
So there was a contest going on in Reader's Digest.
It was a pun contest, and as I thought myself to be a pretty funny guy, I decided to enter. I spent several hours thinking of them, and I ended up submitting 10 of them to the magazine. When the results came out, I was crushed, I totally thought that I was going to win, but no pun in ten did.
What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?
I won't digest yet.
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
My Grandmother got involved with a younger man
So my grand mother got involved with a younger man.
27 years old.
My family was outraged; they couldn't digest it.
But I don't think it's fair. I mean, love is blind...
So what if he dug her out?
So there's a new saliva cell...
...and he's kind of panicky because he can't figure out how to digest a starch molecule.
But then good guy Mr.Enzyme comes along and says "Let me break it down for you."
A man took a woman out for dinner...
but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.
The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.
The Spaghetti Joke. Two men had a plane c**... in the desert and survived.
They had water, but no food. After a couple of days wandering in the desert they saw the remaining of another plane that was crashed a few days ago with a dead pilot. So one man says to the other "Let's open the dead pilot's stomach, perhaps what he ate is still there." The other agrees, they open the pilot's stomach and see the he had spaghetti.
The second man starts eating hungrily, the first man refuses politely. "You said to open his stomach and now you refuse?" asks the second man, "No thank you, I don't feel like it." The first man replies. So they continue walking, after a few hours, the spaghetti which was rotten in the dead pilot's stomach is hard to digest, so the guy who ate it starts to v**.... The other guy starts eating the vomited spaghetti. "What the heck are you doing?" asks the guy who vomited the spaghetti. And the man replies: "I like my spaghetti warm."
In the bus...
-Sit miss, you are pregnant!
-I am not pregnant!
-Sit miss, you must digest!
A wife on her deathbed.
An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.
The old woman whispers to her husband.
"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."
The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."
"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of the bed that I always kept locked."
"I will! I've always wondered what was in there."
The old man opens the chest and inside is $50,000 and 3 ears of corn.
"I have to ask honey, why is there 3 ears of corn in there."
"Well," the old woman answered. "Every time I committed adultery I would put an ear of corn in the chest."
"Oh, I forgive you my love, it's been 60 years. But why the $50 thousand?"
"When I collected a bushel, I sold it."
I read this joke in a Readers Digest in a doctors office 14 years ago. Never forgot it.
The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
After extensive marketing research the Colonel concluded that the franchise would benefit from better traffic patterns on the other side of the intersection.
(from my grandmother's Reader's Digest circa 1988)
Professor San Holo
Prof San Holo was busy at his lab. He was experimenting with splicing genetic material from rams into eggs of bees. With global warming, certain species of flowering plants flourish while others perish. The idea was to give bees the ability to digest leaves and grass to make honey and thereby reduce the need to be reliant on nectar and pollen from flowers.
The first splicing was a disaster. The bee digestive system became dysfunctional.
The second attempt disrupted the honey production with lactose contaminant.
The bee grew tiny horns in the third!
He then tried DNA from a sheep and Eureka! Yes indeed. It worked because he
Made the Fourth Bee with Ewe.
What happens you dunk your Digestive in your tea one too many times while listening to rock music?
You get a ... Limp Biscuit!
Which grocery department is great for digestion and your "constitution"?
Pro-deuce.
My life
I cant digest wafers.
My doctor told me I should be on a staple diet.
I told him I don't think I can digest metal and walked out.
Thinking of starting a magazine detailing the contents of various famous authors' stomachs...
...I think I'll call it Reader's Digest.
A Jewish kid swallows a quarter and poops out forty cents.
That's a pretty good return on digestion.
Vegetables
What's the toughest part to digest digest in vegetables?
The wheelchair
105 Year Old Mae
Her granddaughter asked her how she lived so long, Mae replied "For better digestion, I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure, I drink Scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps."
"When do you drink water?" the granddaughter asked
"I've never been that sick."
I was going to talk about how we process food in our body
but I digest.
An inspector arrives at m**... scene of an obese man by a cannibal
It was a lot to digest
My dad was always obsessed with puns
So when Reader's Digest held an unfunny joke/pun contest (in which they offered to pay any pun-tender $100 for each submitted 'joke' they published), my dad submitted 10 hoping that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
TIL about Kopi Luwak, an expensive coffee made from partially digested coffee cherries defecated by the Asian palm civet.
Imagine the barista's face when you go to the coffee shop then ask for a crappuccino.
I wrote a piece of music based on the experience of digesting Mexican food...
I'm calling it Taco Bell's Canon
A Bulgarian goes to the doctor
A Bulgarian goes to the doctor for a checkup. He enters the room, hangs his coat and sits infront of the doctor.
-When was the last time you had an examination made by a doctor? -asked the doctor.
-I don't know. Maybe 20 years ago.
-Do you drink?
-Yes. I drink beer for kidneys, and white wine for digestion. If I have low pressure I drink red wine and if I have high one I drink mastika. If I suffer from sore throath I drink rakija.
-What about water? - asked the doctor, amazed.
-Water... I haven't suffered from that yet.
A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
Teacher : Explain the process of digestion
Student : It is a process that starts with the right hand and ends with the left hand
Password Savvy
Scene: A bar.
**Me:** What's the WiFi password?
**Bartender:** You need to buy a drink first.
**Me:** OK, I'll have a Coke.
**Bartender:** Three Dollars.
**Me:** There you go. So what's the WiFi password?
**Bartender:** "You need to buy a drink first." No spaces, all lowercase.
(Seen in a Reader's Digest mag.)
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Roaming Zombie
A zombie was roaming through the woods looking for something to eat.
He came across two men - one sitting under a tree and reading a book, & the other typing away on his typewriter.
The zombie quickly pounced on the man reading the book and started to devour him.
Because even a brain dead zombie knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Read this on an anniversary special edition of Reader's Digest
Julius Caesar was coming out of a fast food restaurant when Brutus bumped into him and asked,"How are the burgers, Julius?
Julius replied, "Ate two, Brute!"
An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.
The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's a**....
The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?
The eagle yells back, "Oh about 10,000 feet."
The frog replies, "Really? You wouldn't s**... me now, would you?"
The Age Factor
(Taken from Reader's Digest Year:1998)
Even though she's been teaching English for 25 years, my mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognised the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted, "I used to date him!"
Peering up from his work, another wide-eyed student asked, "You dated someone from our history book?"
Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds v**.... "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness...."
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part II
# Alaska
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, 'Where were you on the night of October to April?'
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part III
# Arizona
Its so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part IV
# Arkansas
An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on 1-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver asks, " 'Bout what?"
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
A Taxing Situation
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
*As published in "Reader's Digest" 78 years ago.*
What do you get when the government gets involved in digestive issues.
An e**... of the state.