Dig Jokes
155 dig jokes and hilarious dig puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dig that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dig Short Jokes
Short dig jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dig humour may include short trench jokes also.
- I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig .. It's not a beautiful poem but it's really deep.
- I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold. I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.
- Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
- I wrote a poem. I dig.
You dig.
She digs.
He digs.
They dig.
We dig.
Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep. - There's a new goth dating app called graveyard. Instead of liking someone, you dig them.
(putting the romance back in necromance.) - What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show "I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"
- I was digging in the garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run inside and tell my wife. But then I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden.
- If it takes 6 men 6 days to dig 6 holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. It's just a hole.
- I told my wife that what she's wearing isn't appropriate for gardening. But..she's digging in her heels.
- Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site? His career is in ruins.
Share These Dig Jokes With Friends
Dig One Liners
Which dig one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dig? I can suggest the ones about shovel and digger.
- I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
- "Dad, I don't want to go visit Grandma" "Shut up, and keep digging"
- I spent a few hours by my wife's grave today. She thinks I'm digging a pond.
- But daaaad, I don't wanna go see grandma... "Son, shut up and keep digging,!"
- Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond.
- Do y'all have any jokes about shovels? I really dig those types of jokes.
- Mommy mommy I dont wanna see grandma! Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
- Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting Some may even call it boring
- What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard? Well, well, well
- I thought digging tunnels would be exciting… Turns out it's boring
- A man digs 3 holes in his backyard... he steps back and says "Well... well... well..."
- Kid: I played with grandpa today! Mom *angry*: I told you not to dig in the sandbox!
- I spent some time at my Auntie's grave today. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
- I visited my wife's grave today Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.
- "Daddy, I don't want to see grandma!" "Shut up and keep digging!"
Dig Hole Jokes
Here is a list of funny dig hole jokes and even better dig hole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A prisoner digs a hole out of jail.... .... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!" - My mom said she's going to dig a hole in the garden and fill it full of water.... ....she means well
- While digging a hole today I found a bunch of old gold coins. I ran in to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging a hole. - I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
And, that is the hole poem. - How to catch an elephant Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole. - Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds. I think it's carpal tunnel.
- I got a job digging holes. It's well boring.
- How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!
- How to catch a polar bear First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole
When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole! - I was gonna dig a deep hole... ... but it turned out well.
Dig Tunnels Jokes
Here is a list of funny dig tunnels jokes and even better dig tunnels puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so, He felt undermined.
- Elon Musk's tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion... Even more boring than before!
- Digging tunnels is the most boring thing on Earth.
- I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel. But it's too boreing.
- I've been operating the same tunnel-digging machine for years... ...it was boring when I started, and it's still boring now.
- I had to quit my job digging subway tunnels... ...tube boring
- Did you hear about Elon Musk's idea to dig tunnels under L.A.? I thought it was a pipe dream
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- Never vote for a tunnel-digging politician Because he's probably just another burrowcrat.
Cheeky Dig Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about dig you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dug jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dig pranks.
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.
One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
A couple go to a restaurant...
And when their food arrives, the husband says
"Wow, this looks great! Let's dig in!"
Without another word, he starts devouring his plate. Meanwhile his wife glares disapprovingly at him.
"At Home, you *always* say grace"
Swallowing, the husband replies.
"Honey, that's at home. Here, the chef actually knows how to cook"
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig.
It might not be a beautiful poem but it's very deep.
a joke translated from turkish
Once upon a time there was a pit in a village, people used to wound themselves from falling into the pit. 3 elders of the village unite to a find a solution to this pit.
First one says that we should place an ambulance next to the pit, that way people will get to the hospital faster
Second one says that we should build a hospital next to the pit that way it will be even faster
Before the third one could talk Chad jumps in and says "y'all are idiots why don't we fill this pit up and dig one up next to the hospital.
"Where's your mother in law?"
- "She's in the garden."
- "Where? I can't see her."
- "You have to dig a little."
3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...
After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.
How do you trap an elephant?
Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole
Tragedy in Poland
The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.
You dig ,I dig, she dig, he dig, we dig, they dig.
It's not a great poem but it's very deep.
If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no.
They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived : avoiding manual labor.
I just heard a beautiful poem...
"I dig, you dig, we
dig, he dig, she dig,
they dig, we all dig."
I'll admit it's not a very *beautiful* poem, but it sure is deep.
There's an old Italian man
There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."
An archeologist walks into a bar
An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer and gives a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?" the bartender asks. "I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday," the archeologist laments. "Sadly, upon further excavation today it turns out that it was just a fossil arm."
My water stopped working for a bit today.
My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"
Let me tell you a little poem.
I dig
You dig
He digs
We dig
And so do they
Not a great poem, but it's very deep.
My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning
She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.
I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
Back in my hippie college days, a professor came up to me in the cafeteria and asked me, "Ya dig?"
I thought to myself, this guy's pretty far out. I answered, "Yeh, man. I dig!"
That's how I got hoodwinked into joining his archaeological expedition.
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
I went to see my mate Bruce today and asked his wife where he was.
She said he's out the back in the garden. I had a quick look but couldn't see him so went to ask his wife again.
She said, he's out there, you just have to dig a little deeper .
I dig. He dig. She dig.They dig. We dig.
Now it may not be a beautiful poem but it's quite deep.
I have a dig bick
You that read wrong
You read that wrong too
You can't have Juan ...
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health
From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
Last week paleontologists found the largest dinosaur tibia ever uncovered.
They had a big party to celebrate. I heard it was quite the shin dig.
Here's a pun joke
he dig
she dig
they dig
i dig
we dig
you dig
now it's not very poetic but it is quite deep
I dig, you dig, we dig.
He digs, she digs, they dig.
It's certainly not the most beautiful poem in the world, but it's incredibly deep.
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
A little poem
I dig...
You dig...
We dig...
He dig...
She dig...
They dig...
It may not be the best poem, but atleast it´s deep.
I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure
So yeah, I got a big b**... h**...
Today, I'm gonna dig up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid.
I can't wait to see how big my puppy's gotten.
Poem
I dig, she dig, he dig, they dig.
Not a beautiful poem but it is deep.
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you'll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.
*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*
Two necrophiles are sitting on a bus and look at pictures of their girlfriends.
One turns to the other and says "Where did you dig up that one?"
A very interesting poem
> I dig
> You dig
> He dig
> She dig
> They dig
> We dig
It might not be very long, but I think it is very deep.
A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island
After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.
How to catch a bear
First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.
Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.
Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. That's not a very complex peom.
But it's pretty deep.
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.
Excuse me, do you like graves?
Yeah, I dig 'em.
Why are most archaeologists women?
Because of their inherent ability to dig up the past
romanian joke: 300 sailors and one woman get shipwrecked on an island
After one month, completely disgusted by what the sailors have been doing to her, the woman kills herself.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they did that month, the sailors decide to bury her.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they've been doing, the sailors decide to dig her up.
A farmer gets a call from his son in prison...
They talk for a bit. The farmer mentions that times have been hard with his son not around, and that he's getting too old to dig up the field. The son responds back, "DAD! NO! That's where all of the bodies are hidden!" The FBI swarms the farm, digging up every inch of the field and the son calls back the next day, "Hey dad, that's the best I can do."
Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.
"Hes in the garden"
"Really? "
"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."
At first I didn't know how to dig a trench
but then I got to the bottom of it.
You want to know how to catch a bear?
First you dig a big hole, then you place peas all around the rim. After that you dump wood ash in the bottom of the hole.
Now, when a bear comes to take a pea you kick them in the ash hole.
Old Man VS KGB
An old man somewhere in the Soviet Union's has dug his vase. Early in the morning two KGB officers show up at his place and ask him about his vase. He swears to God that he hasn't got any food.
Then they give him a shovel and point at the place to dig.
He digs the vase.
"Huh you silly old man. What's this? What are you hiding in it?"
"I ain't hiding anything" says he and opens the vase. It is just as empty as he said.
"You old man, I don't understand this. Why did you dig this vase into the ground then?"
"Well..." starts the old man "I had a new neighbor moving in and I was curious if is he a snitch"
I had an idea for a joke concerning an archeologist and a nudist,
But, no matter how deep I dig, the punchline seems bare
How to catch an elephant
Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.
Three moles dig their way to IHOP
The first mole pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmm I smell pancakes!"
The second moles pops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "mmmm I smell coffee!"
The third mops his head out, sniffs around, and says, "all I smell is molasses.."
If they had to dig their way out of a prison cell, who would be faster:
Ann Widdecombe, or Reese Witherspoon?
Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.
The first one said: Lets go w**... the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.
The second one says: Thats a great idea!
Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.
the other one says: What is wrong.
the second one replies: Were domed.
The first one says: Why
The second one replies: Because theres no fence.
When the kids said they were going to dig a hole to China . . .
I warned them that it would be boring.
How do you capture a polar bear?
1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
I was fired from my job for having s**... with one of our clients.
At least I won't have to dig graves anymore.
To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):
First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.
What do field anthropologists and jokes subredditors have in common?
They dig around all day looking for some rare *humerus* discoveries only to find they've already been catalogued via Google search.
How to Catch a Bear.
Have you ever wanted to catch a bear? If you have, there are 4 simple steps to follow.
Step 1) Dig a big hole to catch the bear in.
Step 2) Cover the bottom of the hole in ashes so the bear doesn't get hurt when it falls in the hole.
Step 3) Sprinkle berries around the ring of the hole, because bears love berries.
Step 4) When the bear comes to eat the berries, kick it in the ash-hole.
The majority of archaeologists are women.
Because of their natural ability to dig up the past.
As an archeologist, I organized a party with my friend to help me excavate the lower leg of a T Rex fossil...
...it's going to be quite a shin dig.
Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.
It was quite the shin dig.
How to catch a bear...
1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood
2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes
3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole
Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.
Stranded on an Island
Two men and a women are stranded on an island. After a week, the woman is so ashamed of what they were doing, she killed herself...
After another week, the two men are so ashamed of what they are doing, so they bury her.
After another week, they are so ashamed of what they are doing, they dig her up again.
TIL most archaeologists are women
Due to their natural ability to dig up the past
Workers are building a brutally tall chimney...
When they are almost finished, a foreman runs to them short of breath and shouts:
We are in deep s**... guys, someone turned over my construction plans...
We were supposed to dig a well!!!
How to catch a polar bear
First, go to the Arctic and dig a large hole in the ice.
Next, open a can of peas and place the peas around the edge of the hole.
When the bear steps up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Sorry. I'll see myself out
2man Team
Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."