Dig Hole Jokes

Q: How do you capture a polar bear? A: You dig a hole in the snow and set peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole

Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole.
The next door neighbor saw him and asked;
"Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?"
"My goldfish died, and I have to bury it."
"Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?"
"Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your s**... cat!"

A man sees two blonde workers in a field digging holes.

One worker is digging the holes, and the other one is following close behind filling the holes in.
After watching this go on for a while, the observer decides to ask them that they are doing.
"Excuse me sir, but I have to ask. Why are you simply digging holes and filling them back in?"
One of the workers yells out, "Ah, you see we normally have a 3rd member on our crew, but the man who plants the trees called in sick today!"

How do you catch a bear?

First, dig a large bear-sized hole. Then, burn up some paper and fill the hole with ash. Lastly, kick the bear in the ash-hole.

How do you capture a polar bear?

1. Dig a hole in the ice.
2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole
3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Cemetery

Which is better: a cemetery or a jewish cemetery?
A Jewish one because I only need to dig one hole.

How do you catch a polar bear?

First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

"The total cost would be £3000," said the f**... director.

"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."

Bury the dead!

One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your f**...' cat!!!"

How do you trap an elephant?

Start by digging a big hole in the ground then fill it with ashes. Take some peanuts and place them around the edge of the hole. When the elephant comes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash-hole.

How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?

It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

Two men are working by the side of the road...

One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.
They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks "What in the world are you two doing?"
One of the workers replies, "We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today."

There were 2 blondes...

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

My water stopped working for a bit today.

My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"

To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):

First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.

How to trap a Bear.

1.) Dig a Hole.
2.) Put Peas around the Hole.
3.) Put ashes inside the Hole.
4.) When the Bear comes to take a Pea Kick him in the ash hole.

City workers

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.

How to Catch a Bear.

Have you ever wanted to catch a bear? If you have, there are 4 simple steps to follow.
Step 1) Dig a big hole to catch the bear in.
Step 2) Cover the bottom of the hole in ashes so the bear doesn't get hurt when it falls in the hole.
Step 3) Sprinkle berries around the ring of the hole, because bears love berries.
Step 4) When the bear comes to eat the berries, kick it in the ash-hole.

Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin?

It was a grave excavation.

How do you catch a bear?

You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

How do you catch a bear?

1. Dig a big hole
2. Fill the hole with ash
3. Place peas all around the hole
4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole

What did the field say to the other field while the farmer was digging holes into him?

This really irrigates me

How to catch a polar bear (a joke by my grandpa)

To catch a polar bear you first need to dig a hole in the ice. Then take a can of peas and sprinkle them in the hole. Next you wait for a polar bear to walk by and kick him in the ice hole.

A young boy is digging a hole in his garden...

A neighbour walks past and says "what's the hole for?"
The boy replies "my goldfish has died"
The neighbour responds, "it's a rather big hole isn't it?"
The boy replies once more "well yes, its got to fit your cat in it!"

If American dogs dig holes to China, where do Chinese dogs dig holes to?

Nowhere, slaughterhouses have concrete floors.

There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital

The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all s**.... We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."

How do you catch an Elephant?

Dig a hole, fill it with ashes, and line the outside with peas.
So when the Elephant comes to take a pea, you can kick him in the ash hole.

A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?"
"We're working" the first blonde replies.
"Just the two of you?" He inquires.
"Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick"

How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?

Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

How do you capture an elephant?

You dig up a hole, put ashes in it and surround the hole with peanuts. Then, you kick him in the ash hole.

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

Why will Caitlyn Jenner never become a man again?

Because it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.

How to catch a bear

First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.
Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.
Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood
2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes
3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole
Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

What happens when you dig a hole in the middle of the road and name it love?

People fall in love.

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.

I had been digging for a long time today.

Down in the hole I found a box full of Silver coins!
In the excitement I ran back indoors to tell my wife.
Then I remembered why I was digging the hole...

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."

How do you catch a bear?

You dig a hole, and fill it up with ashes. Then you line up frozen peas around the hole.
And when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

Two Blondes were working down the road from a mans house.

One blonde (who was n**...) would take a shovel and dig a hole about 3-4 feet deep.
The second blonde (who didn't like cats) would then take the shovel and then put the dirt back in the hole.
They did this for about 4 hours on 6 different spots.
The man (who was left handed) was quite curious and went to the blondes and asked them what they were doing.
"There's usually another blonde who plants the tree but shes sick today"

I have a story about digging holes...

But you probably wouldn't enjoy it because it's just boring

How to catch a bear..

You dig a hole in the ground, find some leaves and ash. Once the bear is near the trap you kick him in the ash hole.

What do Jesus, Kurt Cobain and Trump have in common?

A hole.
Jesus in his hands, Kurt Cobain in his head and Trump is digging one for America.

When the kids said they were going to dig a hole to China . . .

I warned them that it would be boring.

My therapist said the fact that I keep digging that weird hole is shallow

I said it's deep for me

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

A boy was digging a hole in his yard

The neighbor walks up to him and asks why he's digging a hole.
And the boy says "My goldfish died."
The neighbor replied "Oh, I'm so sorry. That hole looks awfully big for a goldfish, though."
The boy turns around at the neighbor and says "Oh, I know. It's because my fish was in your cat."

How do you catch an elephant?

First you dig a big hole and fill it with ashes. Next you put peas around the hole. When it comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.

A Guy was digging a hole

A guy was digging a hole and when he finished he asked his friend Now what am I going to do with all this dirt? His friend said well, why don't you dig another hole and put the dirt in that one

2man Team

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

I was walking through the park and seen two blondes

I was walking through the park and seen two blondes. One was digging a hole and the other was filling it in. I asked what was going on and they said there's usually three of us but the one who plants the tree in on the sick

I should dig a hole and name it love

So I can watch people fall in love and cry at my lonely, depressing life

So I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found...

these really old gold coins so I ran into my house to tell my wife about them, then I remembered why I was digging the hole...

How to catch a bear...

Dig a giant hole...fill it with ash and put peas around it. Then when the bear goes to take a pea..kick him in the ash hole.

While renovating my fence I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with silver, gold and platinum

The things you get by re-posting.

As my old Grandad was so fond of saying , "When you're in a hole stop digging"

It cost him his job in the graveyard , though.

While digging a hole in the backyard I discovered a box full of gold coins! Excited I went inside to tell my wife...

But then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Digging a hole in the garden.

Lock down has had some highs and lows. For instance, I've had a bit more time to spend in the garden while the weather was fine.
I was digging a hole one day and couldn't believe it when I found a large number of what I think are roman coins. I was so excited that I ran back into the house to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Three construction workers.

Three construction workers were at a jobsite one day when there was no port-a-p**..., the first worker grabs a shovel out of a truck and digs a hole, the second one disappeared, the third one finds the second one on top of a pole with his pants down reading a newspaper. The second worker says to the third hey buddy I found a shitpost .

I finally landed my dream job as a palaeontologist

It took years of studying and hard work, but I've never been happier.
As I excavated a new find from the ground, a mother and her young son passed by. She pointed at me and told him, "This is why you need to do well at school and get a good job, or else you'll spend the rest of your life digging in a hole just like him."

I walked into the lawn and saw my father digging a deep hole

There was still water at the base of the hole.
What the h**... is that dad?
Well, son
Yes dad?