Difference Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

What's the difference between EA and my uncle?

My uncle didn't take my money when he fucked me.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

What's the difference between a computer and an American?

An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.

What's the difference between EA and North Korea?

North Korea didn't fuck up as many launches as EA

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture up.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.







The difference is staggering.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

Bad Math Grade

A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, "I got an F in math today."
His father replies, "What happened?"
The boy says, "Well, my teacher asked me, 'What's 3 times 2', and I said 6.'"
The father replies, "Well, that's correct."
The boy says, "I know. Then she asked me, 'What's 2 times 3.'"
The father then replies, "What the fuck is the difference?"
The boys says, "That's what I said!"

A chess joke: What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One of them is an elephant

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What is the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?[NSFW[

One is an array of cunning stunts and the other is an array of stunning c*nts

What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

Theory vs. Reality

A son asks his father what the difference between theory and reality is.

The father says go ask your mother if she would sleep with the neighbor for 1 million dollars, then go ask your sister the same question and tell me what they say.

The son returns and says, "they both said they would do it!"

The father replies, "ok son, in theory we are sitting on 2 million dollars, in reality we live with a couple of sluts."

What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.

Difference between twins

I've fucked a set of twins.
People have asked me how hard it was to tell them apart, but it was actually quite easy. You see, Caroline was a redhead with an amazing pair of tits,
And frank had a cock.

What's the difference between the USA and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.

There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying

I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine

As I got older I realized it was just a phase

Small Penis

My wife keeps telling me that if your relationship is strong a small penis shouldn't make any difference

I just wish she didn't have one at all...

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

What's the difference between a Penis and a paycheck?

After five years your Wife will still blow your paycheck

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

What's the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means it's good.

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bike, and a well-dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

What are the funniest difference jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Difference? Well, here are the best Difference puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Difference pick up lines to share with friends.

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