Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

What's the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can't tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can't tell if their leader is dead serious.

What's the difference between a computer and an American?

An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture up.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.







The difference is staggering.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

A chess joke: What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

Rooks can only move in straight lines, whereas bishops have sex with kids.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One of them is an elephant

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

It's a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What is the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?[NSFW[

One is an array of cunning stunts and the other is an array of stunning c*nts

What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

What's the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.

What's the difference between the USA and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying

I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine

As I got older I realized it was just a phase

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

What's the difference between American girls and Iranian girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?

A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword?

One's a little rapier...

My daughters favorite joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment.

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?

Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.

Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?

Daughter: Yeah sure!

Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.

We have collected gags that can be used as Difference pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Difference, here are one liners and funny Difference pick up lines.

Joko Jokes