Differ Jokes

What are some Differ jokes?

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

What's the difference between a computer and an American?

An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture up.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?

One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One of them is an elephant

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What is the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?[NSFW[

One is an array of cunning stunts and the other is an array of stunning c*nts

What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.

What's the difference between the USA and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

What's the difference between American girls and Iranian girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?

A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword?

One's a little rapier...

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

A suicide vest gets something accomplished when triggered.

What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now

What's the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids

What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"

Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

Ones a Goodyear while the others a great year.

What's the difference between a burger, and a blow job?

You don't know?

Let's do lunch sometime!

What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground?

I dunno, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...

I'll see myself out now.

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom.

A pick pocket snatches watches.

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym?

An acronym stands for something

what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

What's the difference between a female farmer and Hitler's girlfriend?

One bails her hay and the other heils her bae

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Repost.

What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman?

one is a superhero and the other is a command.

What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.

What's the difference between the Titanic and my ex?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?

A circus is a cunning array of stunts...

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub??

Well, the woman in church has hope in her soul, but the woman in tub has soap in her hole...

Difference between computers and woman

Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major?

One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

What's the difference between a feminist and a computer?

You can punch information into a computer.

What's the difference between jokes and dicks?

My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.

*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*

What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?

One fewer drunk person.

What's the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go inside a store without Robin

What's the difference between a Pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters?

I don't know man I just fly the drones

What's the difference between Muslim and a terrorist?

I don't know, I just sign executive orders.

I'll be here all week.

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