Diesel Jokes
60 diesel jokes and hilarious diesel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diesel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Hear the latest Diesel jokes that are sure to put some diesel in your engine. Laugh out loud at jokes about the price of diesel fuel, diesel tank capacities, diesel mechanics and fitters, diesel shortages, and the difference between petrol and diesel vehicles. Discover the most recent Ford Diesel jokes, and defuse the tension as you compare gasoline and diesel. Satisfy your car-humor needs with these jokes about diesel and more!
Quick Jump To
- Short Diesel Jokes
- Diesel One Liners
- Vin Diesel Jokes
- Diesel Fitter Jokes
- Diesel Fuel Jokes
- Diesel Engine Jokes
- More Diesel Jokes
Funniest Diesel Short Jokes
Short diesel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diesel humour may include short petrol jokes also.
- Did you know that vin diesel only eats two meals a day to keep in shape for making movies? Breakfast and breakfurious
- Things are pretty bad right now Van Diesel was forced to change his name to Van Electric due to increasing gas prices.
- What weighs 10 tons, consumes 20 liters of diesel per hour and splits apples into three parts? A Soviet apple quartering machine.
- What happened to Vin Diesel when Dwayne Johnson pinned him against a brick wall? He found himself between The Rock and a hard place.
- Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend? Because they're both roasted
- Weird Al and Vin Diesel should team up with a chip tune band Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks
- Hollywood is really taking climate change seriously Vin Diesel even changed his name to Vin Solar
- They've announced a new Chronicles of Riddick movie without Vin Diesel.... ...which is just Riddickless.
- A lot of different plants can be turned into alcohol and then used for trucking fuel. I tried this with juniper berries. I call it gin diesel.
- VW just released a new diesel car... It's called the Cheetah.
... credits to a colleague at work
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Diesel One Liners
Which diesel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diesel? I can suggest the ones about fuel and gasoline.
- "Talk dirty to me!"she begged. "Alright," he said leaning closer, "Volkswagon diesel!"
- I'm going to develop a biofuel made from grapes And call it Vin Diesel.
- Why didn't they ever stop for gas in the Fast and Furious movies? They had Vin Diesel.
- -you're so cute. I liked your accent +thank you. It's 2019 1.6 Diesel
- Dominic Toretto's car wouldn't run It had diesel in it.
- Why does Vin Diesel get hangry? The fast makes him furious.
- What do you call a weasel made out of gasoline? A diesel.
- Vin Diesel is back as Xander Cage in TedXXX
- What kind of fuel does the Fast and the Furious cast use Vin Diesel
- What do you call gasoline that comes in first place? Win Diesel
- What is Vin Diesel's favorite Disney movie? Beauty and the Fast and the Furious
- What does Vin Diesel put in his car? Petrol
- Buy a Family Car and get a chance to... Win Diesel
- Which cast member of The Fast and the Furious has the worst taste in wine? Vin Diesel
- Why no Fast and Furious character goes to gas station? Because they have Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel Jokes
Here is a list of funny vin diesel jokes and even better vin diesel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does black Vin Diesel smell like? What does black vin diesel smell like?
Vinegar. - Why they never refuel in Fast and Furious? Vin Diesel
- What is Vin Diesel's l**... style? Pitch Black, Multi-f**..., x**... and Fast and Furious.
- Chuck Norris has his own protien powder.
The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, l**..., and Vin Diesel.
Diesel Fitter Jokes
Here is a list of funny diesel fitter jokes and even better diesel fitter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My first job was being a diesel fitter at a pantyhose factory. As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, "yeah, Deez-el fit her."
Diesel Fuel Jokes
Here is a list of funny diesel fuel jokes and even better diesel fuel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
- Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Diesel Engine Jokes
Here is a list of funny diesel engine jokes and even better diesel engine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you had to choose between a wonderful wife or a wonderful car.. Would you choose a petrol or a diesel engine ?
- The meeting with Kim Davis isn't the only thing on his U.S. trip that Pope Francis wanted to keep secret... The engine in his fiat was a Volkswagen diesel.
Hilarious Diesel Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about diesel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean engine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diesel pranks.
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
put diesel in my e**... this morning
she died
My friend filled his e**... with diesel...
She died.
Obama and Putin are walking on the beach.
Obama says "We have got great submarines, they can stay under water for 6 weeks". Putin replies "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for 10 weeks". Suddenly, a submarine emerges and a man sticks his head out and yells "Heil h**...! Do you have diesel?"
I was at a gas station and I accidentally filled up my e**... with diesel.
She died.
Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.
Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.
After a while the man asked.
Man: "So what's your name?"
Vin: "Cin Diesel"
Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"
Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"
Man: "But why?"
Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"
I was driving and I decided to fill up the e**... with diesel.
She died.
A man applies for a job as a diesel fitter at a women's underwear factory. He asks his supervisor what the job entails.
The supervisor takes some underwear off the line, puts it on his head and says, "Deez'll fit 'er!"
Filled the e**... with diesel,
she died.
I accidentally put diesel in my e**......
She died.
I accidently filled the e**... with diesel yesterday.
She died
Vin Diesel pulled up next to me at a light the other day
Shocked, I saw him motion for me to roll down my window. I did and he said to me:
"You know what I put in my car?"
"Gas?" I replied.
"Diesel" he said and then he sped off.
I accidentally filled the e**... with diesel.
She died.
I accidentally filled the e**... up with diesel
She died.
Posting my favourite Gary Delaney joke on my cake day.
Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.
He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.
He jumped in front of a model train.
The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.
He overdosed on placebo pills.
He jumped off a low bridge.
He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.
He doused himself in diesel and tried to light it.
He leaped into an animal cage at the petting zoo.
Did you see they're turning p**... into diesel now?
Turns out you can get pretty far with a load of b**....
Who can drink 20 litres of diesel?
j**... can!
I accidentally put diesel in the e**....
She's dead now.
