Didnt Jokes
101 didnt jokes and hilarious didnt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about didnt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Didnt Short Jokes
Short didnt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The didnt humour may include short straight jokes also.
- The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
- Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
- There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.
- This year was the first year I couldnt travel to Europe because of Covid-19. Before this I couldnt because I didnt have money.
- Somebody just called me fat I didnt start a fight and simply walked away because I'm the bigger person
- I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings - My boss went deer hunting. He winged a buck but ended up losing the trail. I messaged him oh deer, that must have been stag-gering when you fawned out you didnt get it .
- My brother didnt like the school shooting jokes I was making I think I should aim for a younger audience.
- I was seriously considering stealing a military strategy board game from the store yesterday... ...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.
- Two turtles had a collision at an intersection. . The only witness was a snail. When interviewed by police the snail explained he didnt see anything as it all happened so fast.
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Didnt One Liners
Which didnt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with didnt? I can suggest the ones about anymore and knew.
- I once knew a blacksmith who didnt like metal... it was ironic.
- What is a ten letter word that starts with gas. Automobile
- My friend never learned to shave properly I guess her mom didnt razor right
- I met my ex at a race track Didnt quite work out, we just drifted away
- My dad told me he was gay, i didnt believe him until my other dad comfirmed it
- Why did the chicken fall in the well? He didnt see that well.
- i got an award for being humble. I obviously didnt accept it.
- Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows? He didnt have any joints.
- So i walked into a bait shop this morning And i didnt even mean to.
- Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat? He was being SHELLFISH
- I went to Taipei but didnt like it because I am Type B.
- Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed? He didnt use the main stream
- Did you hear about the guy that got hit by a train? He didnt hear the end of it
- Why didnt Jesus become a boxer? Crosses killed him.
- I miss Steve Irwin But the stingray didnt.
Witty Didnt Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about didnt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overdose jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make didnt pranks.
The guns in Star Trek didnt actually shoot lasers...
They were faux-ton guns.
I found this on sickipedia complain if you want
A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"
My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into a wizard?
sauromon, didnt see you there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher says to his class
A teacher tells his class :"If one of you thinks he s s**... please stand up".After a minute of silence a a kid in the backrow stands up.the teacher asks:"Do you really think you re s**...?" the kid says: "No i just didnt want to leave you the only one standing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a good thing my new Thai girlfriend doesn't have an issue with small p**....
I just wish she didnt have one.
A gynecologist decides to make a career change...
He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."
The doctor studies day and night and finally feels ready for his practical exam.
He comes in and is asked to fix the transmission and engine of a beaten down, old car.
After the test, he is seated in the office and the head mechanic comes in.
"Congratulations doctor, you scored 150 out of 100 points"
"im confused" the doctor says, "how did i get 150 out of 100"
"well..." the mechanic says "you fixed the engine perfectly, so thats 50. You also fixed the transmission perfectly, for another 50"
"Great! But where did the last 50 come from?"
"I gave you a bonus. You did it all through the exhaust pipe"
I tried to use the bury a dog above a body trick
the graveyard employee didnt let me
My friend once talked me out of jumping off a building with my new homemade glider wings.
He said I didnt understand the gravity of the situation.
I didnt believe my grandfather got fired from his job as a Crossing guard for theft...
But when i got home the signs were there
My boss asked why he didnt see me at work on halloween.
I told him I went as god. I clearly was never there, and all the work that got done I did not do.
Why did the student fail the exam?
Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
My parents didnt take me seriously when i came out
It was because i couldn't keep a straight face
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is donating at his local s**... bank, right as he finishes the doctor walks in....
covers his eyes, and says dont worry I didnt see nuttin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do b**... and apples have in common?
If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.
Da h**..., no I didnt.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man cheats with his wife's sister
Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there n**... on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:I don't know why?
6: He didnt, he got hit by a truck!
I had the worst deal today
I didnt get any candy from the old guy. I don't rember the rest.
I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes
I didnt know my dog could ride a bike
3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.
Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.
Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.
The 2 other spies asked him How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy! The Italian replied: I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.
When they put a computer at the wheel of a car, why didnt it work ?
They needed to install a driver
A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died...
his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.
A 178 year old Civil War survivor told me this joke.
Me: "Hey old man, tell me a joke from the war!!"
Him: "I can't remember any - I General Lee didnt find them very funny."
i went to a fancy dress party dressed as a globe and didnt speak to anyone all night.
I was in a world of my own
So my ex girlfriend called me told me she has clamydia...
it didnt surprise me
she was always a shellfish lover
The airline lost my prosthetic leg
To make matters worse, a baggage handler dropped a heavy suitcase on my foot... I wanted to sue the airline, but my lawyer said I didnt have a leg to stand on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I gave up my seat in the bus to a blind person. I didnt tell him though.
We both just stood there like a couple of idiots.
Tapeworms built a plane, but it didnt fly very fast.
Turns out they forgot to account for parasite drag.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didnt the Mexican h**... make any money?
Because she had frijoles.
A roofer with a lisp
Is hired to install new roofs across the city, when he didnt get paid - he began tearing up all his hard work without discrimination.
It was roofless.
I wanted to buy some bread from a south-Asian bakery
But i didnt get any because they said they had Naan...
I will leave now
A guy walks into a bar and orders a whisky neat....
He pins it in one go...
He orders another... pins that too..
After about 4 whiskys, the barman asks him "whats up?"
"Im after having my first blo job" says the guy..
"Ah good man..", says the barman.."here, have this whisky on the house..congratulations!!"
The guy replies " if 4 didnt get the taste out of my mouth, I dont think a fifth will help!!"
After the first 2 rounds of the NFL draft, this team's fans didnt think things could possibly get any worse...
...And here's the kicker...
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter tp be president?
Because they didnt want to Elect Ron
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix
That was the second time I've been called a neo-n**....
one of the best documentarys
ive ever watched on netflix is about a chinese couple who didnt board the Malaysian flight 370 (one that disappeared) when they should have done. All sorts of conspiracy theories. worth a watch, highly recommended.
It's called 2 wongs dont make a flight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I passed through Nevada, all i saw were h**...'s. Then in Utah, I didnt see as many, but there were quite a few h**...'s if you looked. When I left Salt Lake City, the truth hit me like a brick when I crossed the border...
Idaho.
My buddy was lately depressed as he found out that he wasn't planned and his parents didnt really want him, I tried to comfort him and said:
"Dont worry, accidents happen"
Five pounds.
A young woman walks towards a fishmongers stall. She approaches him and says
Woman: I nee five pounds o makkel.
Fishmonger: what was that hon? I couldnt understand you.
Woman: makkel. Five pounds.
Fishmonger: I'm sorry I still didnt catch that.
The woman is visibly frustrated and sticks her hands into her pants, pulling her fingers out and under the man's nose.
Fishmonger: HOLY MACKEREL!
Woman: Five pounds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them
My teaching career.
I used to teach history, but thats all in the past.
I started teaching biology but my heart wasn't in it.
I tried teaching chemistry, but there were elements i didnt understand.
I was offered a job teaching maths, but something didn't add up.
I was sent to Germany to do food science, that was the wurst.
I've started teaching physics, its got potential.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isaac Newton died a v**...
The man who discovered gravity didnt even go down
So I dated a furry once
I didnt know he was a furry at the time.
After a while, he showed me his true collars
In the court:
The judge: So is it true you saw your brother beat his mother in law?
Yes, sir
Then why didnt you try to help?
I could see he could handle her himself
So an African pastor is heading to his church Sunday morning
So as he's walking through the jungle he hears growling. He turns around and sees a lion. He starts running and running until he gives up and gets on his knees and starts praying: God please dont let this lion eat me.
The pastor stops praying because he couldn't hear the lion anymore. He turns around and sees the lion on his knees praying. The pastor says hey lion I didnt know you prayed and the lion says im saying Grace
The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.
Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.
I had to put my cat down today
He didnt like being picked up so decided put him on the ground
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
poor teacher
A teacher was teaching a class, when the students started creating chaos.
The teacher shouted "Whoever is standing will be declared as s**..."
Everyone went back to their seats except for one.
"So you admit you're s**...?" said the teacher,
"No, but i didnt want you to be alone"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
God vs Satan
In contrast to popular beliefs, Heaven and h**... dont lie above each other, but next to each other.
Because God didnt want people be tempted to cross sides, he came to an agreement with Satan: they would have a wall build and split the bill afterwards.
Ofcourse as you could imagin when the wall was build, Satan plays deaf and dumb when it comes to the bill.
After some time God is fed up with Satan's behaviour and confronts him. "If you dont pay your share, i'll sue you!"
Satan shrugs and laughs: "what are you going to do? I got all the lawyers here"
so there's two guys drinking, right?
And the first guy noticed the second guy was wearing an "I survived cancer, and all I got was this shirt" shirt
And he was like "oh, I didnt know you lived through cancer"
And the second guy said "oh, well I didnt, my brother gave it to me"
And the first guy responded to this, with "oh, well thats kinda weird for you to wear it then. Tell your brother he did a good job at it I guess"
And the second guy sighed, and looked at the first guy, and said "well, dont worry about it, he didn't either."
My favorite wisk broke
I saw the same one at the store but I didnt have any money for it so I decided to steal it. I knew the repercussions of shoplifting, but it was just a wisk I was willing to take.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Translated] A man saw a good deal and bought 20 p**... of the same pattern and color to his wife.
Wife : Oh My God,now people will think I never change my p**....
Husband : Which people?
(Hope the joke didnt get lost in translation)
My wife called me from the cash machine for the card's pin number
I said 7496
she said it didnt work
I said 7469
she said it didnt work
I said 4796
she said the machine took away the card
I said thank god
the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....
he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.
i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"
he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"
needless to say he got a handfull of candy from one of my kids bags. how could you not reward that creativity?
First time in Vegas
I stayed for one night. Checked out in the morning, the bill was $250, and they had added resort fees, and I asked what the heck is that for?! She said the hotel had a pool and internet here and available for use. I said I didnt even use them! She said Well they were here and available and you could've used them.
So I just wrote out a check, but made it out for $50 and handed it to her. She said: Sir this check is for only $50.
I said That's right! I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.
But I didn't! she said.
I said: Well I was here and available, and you could have!
One time a kid offered me a San Diego waffle. Had no idea what it was, so I said sure. So he hands me an Eggo waffle covered in sand.
I didnt wanna look like an idiot, so I ate it.
The Italian Game
Pulled this on my wife on a road trip
Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together
Me: Imma A!
Wife: Imma not A (confused)
Me: Imma B!
Wife: Imma not B
Me: Imma C!
Wife: Imma not C
Me: You're a *WHAT*?!
She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles
Drunk guy takes the bus
Drunk guy gets on a bus stumbling. The bus goes forward, drunk guy stumbles back. Each stop drunk guy stumbles forward. When he reaches his destination, bus driver says,
"Hey you didnt pay the fare"
Drunk guy, "what are you talking about I walked here!"
I asked my mom why she didnt hyphenate her last name.
Dad said she lost her hyphen when she got married.
