Did U Know Jokes
71 did u know jokes and hilarious did u know puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about did u know that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Did U Know Short Jokes
Short did u know jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The did u know humour may include short did u hear jokes also.
- Couple claiming Virginity: Couple claiming Virginity:
Girl:If this Is your 1st time,then how did u do it so well?
Boy:If this Is your 1st time,then how do u know that i did well??? - what is the propeller used for on an airplane? Many people dont know this, but is actually for air conditioning, if u ever get to see it, when the propeller stops the pilot suddenly starts sweating
- I asked my friend what the sequel to E T would be called, and do you know what he said?? F U
- Sometimes "i" makes the same sound as a "y" You know what, "i" wouldn't do that if "i" were "u"
- A friend asked me Friend: what does 'u' mean in chemistry again?
Me: The only thing I know that starts with a "u" in chemistry is us - Vectors Joke When (i) think of crossing with (u) I get my own normal vector, if you know what I mean. ;)
- Driving test... Friend: I just gave my driving test.
I: Did u pass it?
Friend: I don't know... I'm waiting for the instructor to return from the trauma center. - Did you know why U boat captains brought dogs on boards ? They thought subwoofers would improve their radar.
- Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute. - Cop: know how fast u were going; Me: obviously. I have a speedometer.
Cop: i know that
Me: then why did u ask
Cop: [looking down moving toe around the dirt] I just wanted to takk
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Did U Know One Liners
Which did u know one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with did u know? I can suggest the ones about interesting facts and knew.
- Know why the letters a, e, i, o, and u are so angry? Irritable vowel syndrome.
- There are two letters of the alphabet that I don't know I don't know u and I don't know y
- I'm Friends With 24 Letters Of The Alphabet.. I Don't Know U And I Don't Know Y.
- Everyone I know tries to convince me that Y is the last vowel of the alphabet. "No u"
- Anyone know Native American vowels? E,I,O,U,A! Y?
- Did u know Chuck Norris had a role in star wars.
He was the force. - You know why they call it a U-Turn Because YOU-Turn
- Americans only need to know 3 alphabets out of 26. They just need to know U, S and A.
- U know, Sam is moody Whenever I tell him so, he gets angry.
- Mr Bean bought a cow Do U Know Why Mr.BEAN Bought A Brown Cow???
2 Get Chocolate Milk!! - u know whats funny? Pom
- pipechu the pikachu ears is like pipes if u are greek u know what i mean
- How do you know if two l**... are on a date? The u-haul that's parked out back.
Comical Did U Know Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about did u know you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fun fact jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make did u know pranks.
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot.
No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that.
I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it.
No, no, this time we had a list.
We were going to get the stuff we need.
Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms.
I haven’t even touched your tooth yet."
Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail.
The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail.
The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail.
So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... kid
A barber was doing his business and a kid walked in his shop.
The barber told his customer:
- See that kid, he's the stupidest kid I've ever know. Here I'll prove it to you.
The barber yells at kid to come to him so his customer can watch.
The barber pulls out a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill and asks the kid:
- Hey kid, what do u choose?
The kid takes the 2 euro coin and leaves. The barber:
- See, I told u. He chooses 2 euro coin every time.
The customer walks out and sees the kid around the corner eating ice-cream.
He approaches the kid and asks:
- Do u not know the difference between a 2 euro coin and a 5 euro bill. Which one is more valuable?
The kid replies:
- I know the difference, but the moment I choose the 5 euro bill, the game is over.
Crossword Puzzle Pope
A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.
"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."
Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him.
I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me.
The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts.
The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking.
The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"
"Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?"
"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?"
The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."
The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
american , Japanese, Indian travelling together
**American :** Know what when we dug up our ancient cites we found these thick cables...U know what this means?
**Indian & Japanese** : NO.. tell us.
**American :** This means Telegraph was 1st used here
**Japanese not to be outdone :** When we dug our ancient cities we found these thin wires ... know what this means
**American & Indian :** ... no .. tell us
**Japanese: means we invented the telephone
*Both The ame**rican and the Japanese now look at the Indian with a smile*
**Indian :** Well we dug and found nothing ... know what that means
**The other 2:** no ... tell us
**Indian : **Who do you think invented wireless
So a man gets on a plane...
...he finds his seat and realizes he's sitting none other than the pope. The man is Catholic and greets the pope with:
"His Holiness".
The pope welcomes him and then goes back to his crossword. The man is nervous, worrying about doing something to offend the leader of his religion. About halfway through the flight the pope leans over and asks:
"would you happen to know a 4 letter word for a girl that ends in U-N-T?"
The man almost loses it. Of course the c word jumps to the front of his mind. He pauses, turning white while searching his mind for a better word. In a flash it comes to him:
"AUNT!!!" he exclaims.
The pope responds:
"Of course! Would you happen to have an eraser?"
James Thurber's crossword puzzle.
Laid up in the hospital, James Thurber passed the time doing crossword puzzles.
One day he asked a nurse, What seven-letter word has three u's in it?
She said, I don't know, but it must be unusual.
I'm not saying you're old, but....
Ok guys I need some ammo for my ongoing age war with my business partner. So, I need your help. Here's a few I've used to get you started.
I'm not saying you're old, but I did hear that Moses owes u $20.
You know it's bad when dirt sees you and says, "now that's old!!"
What was it like to meet Lincoln?
(I thought about changing that to "shoot Lincoln," but I don't wanna start any new conspiracy theories)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two southern girls...
R sitting out on the front porch. One of them has just gotten back from the big city of New York when she says to the other, "u know, they have women up there who have s**... with other women." Her friend says, "Do tell? What do they call them?" She says, "they call them l**.... And they have men who have s**... with other men." Her friend asks again, "Do tell? What do they call them?" She says, "They call them homosexuals. And they have these men who'll put their face down in your private parts and kinda lick around and stuff?!" Her friend says, "Do tell!? What do they call them?" She says, "Oh honey, I don't know. I just patted him on the head and called him Precious!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know The perfect system to avoid c**... accident ?
The perfect system to avoid c**... accident,
use double c**... with chilly powder in between,
if outer breaks she will know ,
if inner breaks u will know.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are My t**... Black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.
A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge
bath.
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my t**... black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my t**...
black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worry about his t**..., she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand
and his t**... in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with
them,
Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly:
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a beast made entirely from egg w**...?
A Meringue-u-tang!!!
Note: I know it's spelled Orangutan. :P
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Past& Sees Her.
Susie is a p**... who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& s**... 'em until they're dry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a disgruntled farmer in the pub today
You look disgruntled, I said. What's the story?
I ordered a couple of tons of manure, he replied gloomily. It arrived today.
Is that bad?
Well, you see, it was fake.
Fake?
Yes, fake manure.
I didn't even know that was a thing.
Well, it is. And it's useless for farming.
U'm sorry to hear that.
After a long pause, he spoke again. But on the bright side, my hair is insanely soft.
What's that got to do with anything? I asked, puzzled.
Well, it's all thanks to the sham p**....
A boy is at a spelling bee.
Judge: "Your word is 'buffering'."
Boy: "Let me know when it's loaded."
Judge: "It's not 'loaded'. It's 'buffering'."
Boy: "No problem, just tell me when..."
Judge: "Buffering!"
Boy: "Oh, OK..."
Judge: "No, it's actually B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three generals are having a day off at the beach
The American General begins to boast: "Our submarines are the best in the world! The newest 2016 model can stay weeks under water without having to surface!"
The Russian general is unimpressed and says: "Russian U-boat is best. Months we stay under water and no need to go up!"
The German general is impressed and doesn't know what to say.
Suddenly they see waves appearing a little off the shore and with a splash, a submarine surfaces. The hatch opens and the emerging soldier raises his right arm "Heil h**...! We are out of fuel!"
Iodine wanted to bond with Uranium...
But Uranium wanted to bond with Helium ; helium was noble and didn't want to bond with Uranium. When Iodine found out about this, he said.....
"I know I can treat U better than He can..."
You know those signs that say "In case of fire use stairs"?
How do u use stairs to put out a fire?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy sits next to a priest doing the crossword
Priest says: "You know a four letter word for 'type of woman', last three letters u-n-t?"
Guy replies: "Aunt."
Priest pauses, says: "Got an eraser?"
Young Dave just learnt the alphabets
He had an amplified stage fear, he was too afraid to even talk to more than 10 people at a time
The teacher says "Dave, write all the alphabets on the board"
Dave nervously replies" no ma'am, I don't think I know them all"
Teacher says" come here and give it a try!'
Dave complies and writes on the black board
"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z"
The teacher notices the mistake and asks" Where is the P Dave? "
"Running down my leg"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde walks into a store and asks, may I buy that tv, the store salesman say, sorry, we don't serve blondes.
she comes the next day with her hair dyed black, and
asks the same guy, can I buy this tv. the salesman says, sorry, we don't serve
blondes. frustrated, the next day she dyes her hair red and to make sure, she asks a
different salesman, can I buy this tv. he says, sorry, we don't serve blondes. the
blonde says, how on earth did u know I was blonde. the salesman says, that's a
microwave.
*finds old Ouija board*
"I don't know guys, that stuff is dark--"
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"Spirits of the dead give us your message!"
W-E-H-A
"Guys--"
"Shut up"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U
"Guys--"
"Keep going"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U-P-D-A-T-E-D-O-U-R-P-R-I-V-A-C-Y-P-O-L-I-C-Y
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
U know how the world was supposed to end in 2012 and it didn't and everybody was like haha silt Aztecs and their s**... calendar
Well has anyone felt alive since then?
Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?
This makes the moon an official province of France
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump, Putin and Merkel meet on a ship in the Nordsea to discuss which U-boats to use for the NATO.
Trump, Putin and Merkel meet on a ship in the Nordsea to discuss which U-boats to use for the NATO.
Trump: "American U-boats are the best boats in the world, they can stay under water for a year!".
Putin: "Ha, If you Americans had better spice you would know that soviet boats are the best boats in the world!"
They both look at Merkel, waiting for what she would say, but before she has time to come up with something a U-boat emerges from the sea and a man in a black uniform emerges and screams: "HEIL h**..., WE NEED MORE DIESEL!"
The things kids say....
I work in a middle school and I was talking to a 6th grader today. He was bummed because he's so short:
He says: I should go back to kindergarten with kids my own size.
Me: Well maybe you should try 1st grade because you already know the alphabet, right?
He didn't skip a beat and responded: I'm so American, the only letters I know are U, S and A!
It was hilarious.!! Thank you children for making us laugh.
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
Little John and his mother were attending church
Suddenly in the middle of mass, John clenched his tummy and looks distressed
Concerned his mother asks him, " What's wrong, son?"
John replies," My tummy really hurts, I think I am going to throw up"
Since the mass was still underway, she turns to him and says , " Ok, You know where the washroom is right? Go there, and when u feel better, come back"
Little John rushes out and soon returns
His mother is perplexed because the washrooms were located on the other side of the church.
"Are you feeling better? Did you use the washroom?"
John replies, "Oh there was no need to go all the way there, there is box outside titled 'For The Sick'"
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Teacher: Who is the President of Iraq?
Johnny: I don't know miss
Teacher: You need to focus more on your studies
Johnny: Please miss, can I ask a question?
Teacher: Yes
Johnny: Do u know Angela?
Teacher: No, Why?
Johnny: You need to focus more on your husband!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin
A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they speak Hebrew in heaven so I am learning the language now
To this the agent replied "Ha if u go to h**...? Then what?"
The old man replied "I am already fluent in Russian"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once a man met the great chessmaster Gary Kasparov on a plane seat beside him
The grandmaster says "would u like to play a game of chess for a $100 per game?" The man replies "I know who you are mate I would never be able to beat you". Gary thinks a bit and says "I will play with my left hand" the man accepts.
Afterwards when he recites his story to his wife he says "I lost 1800 dollars to that man he is such a great player even with his left hand".
The wife says, "YOU FOOL!!"
"He was a lefty and u didn't realise it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
U know why Christians call the preist 'Father' ?
Cuz calling them Daddy would be too suspicious.
Electrical Hum - True story
Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. I told the rep that the hum always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
He said " Do u know why it hums?"
Me, expecting a technical response, " No I dont know. Why does it hum?"
With a totally serious face he replied " Cuz it dont know the fookin words"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.
In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.
Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.
Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.
When we add it all up, we get 50+5+50+5+50+500+1+5=6**....
And there you have it. Mathematical proof that Barney the Dinosaur is Satan.
