Did U Hear Jokes
29 did u hear jokes and hilarious did u hear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about did u hear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Did U Hear Short Jokes
Short did u hear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The did u hear humour may include short did u know jokes also.
- my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.
my dad: "what kind is it?"
my grandma: "it's 4:15pm" - Apparently, Nintendo opened a hospital recently. Oh, hey, I can hear their ambulance driving by now!
Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U... - A golden joke... Did you hear about the man who robbed the bank? He went up to the cashier and demanded all the gold. When the thief ran away, the cashier yelled, "A u!"
- Did u hear about the male stripper who was considering retirement? He decided to stick it out one more year! LOL
- What would u call a deaf man with a red hair and grey mustache.? U could call him anything... He wouldn't hear it...
- Did u hear about the new plane that's going to be 2000 ft long? it's going to be the longest flight ever
- What did people hear when Nintendo's building went on fire? A Wii U Wii U Wii U in the distance
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Did U Hear One Liners
Which did u hear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with did u hear? I can suggest the ones about loud heard and last time i heard that.
- Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19? It's a riot
- did u guys hear about the conflict in the middle east? israeli interesting
- Did you hear that Grey Poupon is opening a university? It's called Poupon U
- What three letters do guys want not to hear most in bed? R U N!
- Did u hear about the p**... with no legs? She's selling it for half off.
Did U Hear Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about did u hear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overheard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make did u hear pranks.
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
A U-Boat is hit by a depth charge...
...the Kapitan gets to the radio and yells 'Commandant, Commandant!!! Ve are sinking.'
The radio is silent for a few seconds and finally the Kapitan hears a voice break through the static. 'Vhat are you sinking about?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did u hear about that young i**... practitioner?
He's really matured lately, you might even say he's come into his own.
I'm not saying you're old, but....
Ok guys I need some ammo for my ongoing age war with my business partner. So, I need your help. Here's a few I've used to get you started.
I'm not saying you're old, but I did hear that Moses owes u $20.
You know it's bad when dirt sees you and says, "now that's old!!"
What was it like to meet Lincoln?
(I thought about changing that to "shoot Lincoln," but I don't wanna start any new conspiracy theories)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.
... I said u look really fat in those pants!
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?"
I replied I prefer the good one.
Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!"
I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
Dad comes home from a long day at work
He goes to his child who is singing and dancing around the house
Dad: hey baby, why you so happy?
Child: nothing I was thinking about today
Dad: what happened today?
Child: i think mom was about to go to heaven
Dad: wait.... she was what? What you u mean?
Child: well I was sitting in my room and I could hear mum screaming oh my god, I'm coming, I'm coming so I ran to her room to help her but luckily the postman was already on top of her holding her down.
I was waiting for the green light at the crossing and saw an old woman walking with a little child...
The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to University for education and this is what she brought home instead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What question does Forrest Gump hate to hear while having s**...?
R U N Forrest, R(Are) U(You) N(In)?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a disgruntled farmer in the pub today
You look disgruntled, I said. What's the story?
I ordered a couple of tons of manure, he replied gloomily. It arrived today.
Is that bad?
Well, you see, it was fake.
Fake?
Yes, fake manure.
I didn't even know that was a thing.
Well, it is. And it's useless for farming.
U'm sorry to hear that.
After a long pause, he spoke again. But on the bright side, my hair is insanely soft.
What's that got to do with anything? I asked, puzzled.
Well, it's all thanks to the sham p**....
Camping!
John and his girlfriend were going to go camping for the week. On his way out of the the door, John's little brother yelled, "wait for me!" John told his brother to go back inside, but his girlfriend insisted on taking him. John turned to his brother and said, "OK, but we get top bunk when we get to the cabin." His little brother agreed and they left for the campground.
When night came John, his girlfriend and his little brother went to bed. While in bed John turned to his girlfriend and said, "I'm in the mood, do u want to do it?" his girlfriend replied "your little brother is right under us, he will hear us!" John than tells her "I have an idea, when you want me to go faster, say lettuce. And when you want me to go slower, say tomato." She agreed and started doing the dirty deed. All night night John's little brother kept hearing "lettuce, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, tomato, lettuce, lettuce!" After an hour John;s brother jumps up and screams "GUYS STOP MAKING SANDWICHES, YOU'RE GETTING MAYONNAISE ALL OVER ME!"
Crossword Puzzle Pope
A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.
"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."
Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him.
I am surely blessed the man thinks. Here I am, a good Catholic on a flight with the Pope sitting next to me.
The plane takes off and after a few minutes the passengers take off their seat belts.
The man looks sideways and sees the Pope reaching into his bag to take out a crossword book. Marvelous, he thinks, not only am I blessed with the Pope next to me but he does crosswords and so do I. He notices that the Pope is working his way through the puzzle, and that the Pope is tapping his pencil, thinking.
The Pope turns to him and says, "I usually don't talk to anyone on flights, but I wonder if you can help me?"
"Anything, your Eminence ... What is it?"
"Do you know a four letter word that ends in 'u-n-t' that means something associated with women?"
The man feels uncomfortable. He thinks and thinks. Finally he says, "The only word I can think of is aunt."
The Pope looks at him and asks, "Do you have an eraser?"