The Best 72 Dictionary Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dictionary jokes. There are some dictionary webster jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dictionary urban dictionary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dictionary Jokes and Puns

Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '

The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'

The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.

While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.

After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.

The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up prostitute in the dictionary, a person who trades sex for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.

Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.

what's the longest word in a black man's dictionary?

sheeeeeeeeeeeeit..

Dictionary joke, what's the longest word in a black man's dictionary?

A panda walks into a restaurant

He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."

"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap


I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month...

...I'll be done reading this dictionary.

What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary?

...High Definition

Dictionary joke, What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary?

What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary?

He got a way with words.

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!

"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas.

He couldn't find the right words to thank me.

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

High definition

You can explore dictionary etymology reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dictionary addictionary dad jokes. There are also dictionary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What word in the dictionary is always spelled wrong?

Wrong.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

I have an odd friend who gets off to the dictionary.

It's weird but he's come to terms with it.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition.

Have you seen the new Broadway production about the dictionary?

It's a great play on words.

Dictionary joke, Have you seen the new Broadway production about the dictionary?

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Addictionary

Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?

Because he wanted to get more definition.

What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

incorrectly


A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

Suspended

Boy: Dad, I got suspended from school today.

Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!

Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Dad: So?

Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.

Dad: That's my boy.

I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...

Some thug tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."

The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

I just read through six pages in a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

I'm a really slow reader. Today, I only got through six pages of my dictionary.

From dawn to dusk.

My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary"

Turns out it was just a play on words.

If I hit you with a dictionary...

...is it physical or verbal abuse?

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. I beg to differ because, there is...

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE."

And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED!"

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED"

Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary

It's going to be a play on words

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They're both flying information.

Why did the bodybuilder borrow a dictionary?

Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.

What is the best way to hurt someone with words?

Hit him with a dictionary.

My dad ought to buy a dictionary.

He just said, "I need words with U."

I just bought a new dictionary at my local book store, but when I got home the pages were blank...

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I studied 10 pages of a dictionary

I learnt next to nothing

I bought a dictionary from the library and realized someone had ripped out pages from the beginning.

They also ripped out pages from the end. It just went from bad to worse .

Pls don't make me woosh

I bought a dictionary but when I got home and opened it the pages were all blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am 😡

I just swallowed a dictionary...

It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had,

My favourite word in the dictionary is toned

Great definition

I can't find my dictionary

I'm at a loss for words

Who is a "dumbass"

While at college, foreign students found an online English-to-English dictionary of American slang.

Awesome read, but almost all agreed there was no need to look up for the word "dumbass" as it was completely clear.

One student persisted.

And got the answer - the dictionary stated:

"Dumbass" - the person who looks up for the word "dumbass" in a dictionary.

Our joy was limitless.



I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep...

I wanted to add definition to my arm

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

Someone stole my dictionary.

I have no words.

When you have finished reading the dictionary

Every other book is just a remix.

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.

I told him, - Mark, my words!

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute

The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

I once swallowed a whole dictionary....

...it gave me thesaurus throat I ever had.

I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre

It's a play on words.

I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result...

but every dictionary I check says something else.

What did the dictionary say when it got a cold?

I had thesaurus throat ever.....

I'll see myself out

My wife has just given me a book with all the words that I'm not supposed to use when we argue....

It's called a dictionary.

Every dictionary has at least one mistake

It's in the m section, after mist.

For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes

"Wish granted," says the Genie.

"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.

The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.

"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"

The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."

A panda goes to a restaurant.

After finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots 3 shots at the ceiling. He then exits the restaurant. A guy outside who saw the whole thing asks, Hey! Why'd you do that?!

The panda replies, I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary.

Panda: eats shoots and leaves

I just memorized six pages of the dictionary...

I learned next to nothing.

Have you ever looked up the word whistle in the dictionary?

I found it a bit under whelming.

A panda bear walks into a restaurant

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."

The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished'. And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished'

I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.

But then I got smacked with a dictionary.

Hot Dog

A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion and thought: "If there is nothing to eat, I will eat the damn dog."

He ordered and got a long piece of bread with sausage in between it. He looked straight at the salesman eyes in frustration and asked: "From a whole dog, all I get is the dog's d\*ck?"

I'll never use that dictionary again...

The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.

No means no.

-page 47 of my Spanish to English dictionary

Cleanliness is next to godliness

This dictionary was a complete waste of money.

I keep telling people gullible isn't in the dictionary

Don't believe me look it up

My buddy Mark stole my dictionary once

As he was running away I yelled Mark my words!

I SWALLOWED a dictionary.

It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dictionary a womans dictionary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dictionary pages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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