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Dictionary Jokes

144 dictionary jokes and hilarious dictionary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dictionary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the world of dictionary jokes and humorous puns! Uncover a variety of unusual words, creative puns, and amusing jokes based on synonyms, idioms, etymology, online dictionaries and thesauruses. Get your daily dose of laughter and delve into the world of urban dictionary and its endless compilation of amusing and witty dictionary jokes.

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Funniest Dictionary Short Jokes

Short dictionary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dictionary humour may include short words jokes also.

  1. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, - Mark, my words!
  2. Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
  3. My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.
  4. I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
  5. I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas. He couldn't find the right words to thank me.
  6. My wife has just given me a book with all the words that I'm not supposed to use when we argue.... It's called a dictionary.
  7. I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
  8. I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary.
  9. How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter? They're both flying information.
  10. After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary. Things just went from Bad to Worse.

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Dictionary One Liners

Which dictionary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dictionary? I can suggest the ones about terms and language.

  1. I just read through six pages in a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.
  2. I just memorized six pages of the dictionary... I learned next to nothing.
  3. I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.
  4. What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
  5. What do you call a dictionary thief? I don't know :(
  6. My son is rehearsing for a part as a dictionary It's going to be a play on words
  7. What word in the dictionary is always spelled wrong? Wrong.
  8. What is the best way to hurt someone with words? Hit him with a dictionary.
  9. I studied 10 pages of a dictionary I learnt next to nothing
  10. Santa has been reading all your posts. Most of you are getting dictionaries.
  11. My favourite word in the dictionary is toned Great definition
  12. Last night I tried to read the dictionary in bed but didn't finish it. I got up to p
  13. Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary? Because he wanted to get more definition.
  14. what's the longest word in a black man's dictionary? sheeeeeeeeeeeeit..
  15. What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary? He got a way with words.

Dictionary Definition Jokes

Here is a list of funny dictionary definition jokes and even better dictionary definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I try working out by lifting dictionaries... I've been told that's how you get definition.
  • I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep... I wanted to add definition to my arm
  • I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result... but every dictionary I check says something else.
  • My teacher once told me that success never comes before work... I'll definitely pay him a visit after I make a fortune selling dictionaries.
  • Me: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? Her: If you say "Addict-ionary", I will kill you.
    Me: I was going to say "High Definition", but yours is better.
  • Why was the dictionary on the top shelf more expensive than the one on the bottom... Because it was a higher definition
  • What do you get a body builder for Christmas? A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.
  • There's a stack of dictionaries in my local gym. That place is full of definition.
  • How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out? You can see the definition.
  • I looked up the definition of missing in the dictionary… It wasn't there.

English Dictionary Jokes

Here is a list of funny english dictionary jokes and even better english dictionary puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary It's going to be a play on words
  • What is the only word in an English dictionary spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly is the only word spelled
    I n c o r r e c t l y
  • No means no. -page 47 of my Spanish to English dictionary
  • How do Spider-Men get good in English? They consult the Webster dictionary.
  • How did Kim Jong Un learn every word in the English dictionary in one day? He's the Supreme reader.
  • Only one word in the English Language starts with D and ends in Y If you don't believe my check the dictionary
  • I just finished writing the script for a theatrical production about the making of the first English dictionary I'm calling it A Play On Words
  • Someone just told me... The word gullible has been taken out of the English dictionary!
  • What word in the English dictionary, which word, unless spelled incorrectly is always spelled incorrectly Incorectly.
    >*(Source: Cortana)*
  • Fellow female classmate asks if she could borrow my dictionary in English class I pull down my pants
Dictionary joke, Fellow female classmate asks if she could borrow my dictionary in English class

A Womans Dictionary Jokes

Here is a list of funny a womans dictionary jokes and even better a womans dictionary puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • she asked me to show her what it meant to be a woman So I pulled out a dictionary and opened it to W

Dictionary Defines Jokes

Here is a list of funny dictionary defines jokes and even better dictionary defines puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the bodybuilder borrow a dictionary? Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.
  • Website Idea They should make a website that defines words with pictures instead of words. It's like a dictionary of pictures. They'll call it dicpic .com
  • What word is defined exactly halfway through a dictionary "middle"
  • I believe as a society, it is our dictionaries that define us.
  • Our Unabashed Dictionary defines w**...... As the winner of a damp-t-shirt contest.

Urban Dictionary Jokes

Here is a list of funny urban dictionary jokes and even better urban dictionary puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If there is an Urban Dictionary... ...Shouldn't there be a Rural Dictionary
    Credits to my friend Portia.
  • FBI responds to increased number of botched investigations resulting in civilian casualties By adding a new definition for "botched" to urban dictionary; successful
  • Ambrose Bierce was the first.... Urban dictionary
  • Webster Dictionary... Webster dictionary on the streets, Urban dictionary under the sheets.
  • urban dictionary you cease to amaze me
Dictionary joke, urban dictionary you cease to amaze me

Cheerful Fun Dictionary Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about dictionary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alphabet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dictionary pranks.

Panda and a p**...

A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.

While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.
After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.
The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up p**... in the dictionary, a person who trades s**... for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.
Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.

Heard this from a friend

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between complete and finished. Some say there is no difference the two but there is. For example, when you marry the right man you are complete. When you marry the wrong man you are finished. When your husband likes shopping more than you do, you are completely finished.

A panda walks into a restaurant

He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."
"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap

I invented a machine that puts dictionaries in the ground...

It's a language burier.

What do you get when you roll w**... on a dictionary?

...High Definition

A panda walks into a restaurant

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!
"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."

What do you call a dictionary that smokes w**...?

High definition

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

I have an odd friend who gets off to the dictionary.

It's weird but he's come to terms with it.

I lost my dictionary today.

I can't find the words to express my dissapointment.

Have you seen the new broadway production about the dictionary?

It's a great play on words.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Addictionary

What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

incorrectly

A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs
So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of p**... in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does s**... acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

Suspended

Boy: Dad, I got suspended from school today.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That's my boy.

I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...

Some t**... tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."

These new editions of dictionaries are frustrating

Picked up a new copy and flipped through it to find a word I knew disappeared.
The next thing I found was disappointing

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles, there's a mile between the two s

I'm a really slow reader. Today, I only got through six pages of my dictionary.

From dawn to dusk.

My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary"

Turns out it was just a play on words.

If I hit you with a dictionary...

...is it physical or verbal a**...?

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. I beg to differ because, there is...
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE."
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED!"
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED"

Knowledge

I swallowed a dictionary....it gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had. -credit goes to my 80 yo grandmother

My dad ought to buy a dictionary.

He just said, "I need words with U."

I just bought a new dictionary at my local book store, but when I got home the pages were blank...

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I bought a dictionary from the library and realized someone had ripped out pages from the beginning.

They also ripped out pages from the end. It just went from bad to worse .

Pls don't make me woosh

I bought a dictionary but when I got home and opened it the pages were all blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am 😡

I just swallowed a dictionary...

It gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had,

I can't find my dictionary

I'm at a loss for words

Who is a "d**..."

While at college, foreign students found an online English-to-English dictionary of American slang.
Awesome read, but almost all agreed there was no need to look up for the word "d**..." as it was completely clear.
One student persisted.
And got the answer - the dictionary stated:
"d**..." - the person who looks up for the word "d**..." in a dictionary.
Our joy was limitless.

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of w**... and read the dictionary.

High definition.

I ate a dictionary last night...

It gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had

I ate a dictionary the other day....

ever since then I've had thesaurus t**...

Someone stole my dictionary.

I have no words.

When you have finished reading the dictionary

Every other book is just a remix.

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

What word is spelled wrong in the dictionary?

wrong

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"
The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"
And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

I've lost the dictionary

"Can you look upstairs?"
I can't look up anything

A panda spent the night in bed with a p**...

The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...

...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

I once swallowed a whole dictionary....

...it gave me thesaurus t**... I ever had.

I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre

It's a play on words.

Yesterday i finally found love!!

It was on page 469 in the dictionary!

What did the dictionary say when it got a cold?

I had thesaurus t**... ever.....
I'll see myself out

What's the only word that's spelled incorrectly in the dictionary

Incorrectly

Every dictionary has at least one mistake

It's in the m section, after mist.

I went from rags to riches

While reading the dictionary

For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes

"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."

A panda goes to a restaurant.

After finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots 3 shots at the ceiling. He then exits the restaurant. A guy outside who saw the whole thing asks, Hey! Why'd you do that?!
The panda replies, I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary.
Panda: eats shoots and leaves

Have you ever looked up the word whistle in the dictionary?

I found it a bit under whelming.

This is a joke from 1872

A man said to a preacher, "That was an excellent sermon, but it was not original." The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day the man brought the preacher a dictionary.

A panda bear walks into a restaurant

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'

Dictionary joke, A panda bear walks into a restaurant

jokes about dictionary