Dictator Jokes
114 dictator jokes and hilarious dictator puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dictator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dictator Short Jokes
Short dictator jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dictator humour may include short traitor jokes also.
- I've managed 434 days, 12 hours, 47 minutes and 17 seconds of sobriety. I'm so glad alcohol doesn't dictate my life any more.
- Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate - There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead. But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well
- What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties? A dic-tater.
- I've been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator. Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.
- What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.
- Did you know Stalin got hit in the groin with a potato when he was young? That's how he became a dictator.
- What's a dictator's favorite debating technique? Stalin
- Why does the dictator like to go shopping in the early morning? Because he loves to beat the crowds.
- What's a dictator's least favourite band? The Guerillaz
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Dictator One Liners
Which dictator one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dictator? I can suggest the ones about emperor and dictate.
- Why is North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un so ruthless? He doesn't have a Seoul.
- What do you call a dictator who can't drive a manual transmission? Stalin
- Did you hear about the procrastinating dictator? He was stalin.
- What do you call a mean Potato? A Dictator.
- What do you get when you cross a president with a potato? A dictator.
- Kim Jong Un is currently.. The Shrodingers cat of dictators.
- What do you call it when a Russian dictator procrastinates? Stalin'
- What do you call a Canadian dictator? Vladimir Poutine.
- How do dictators travel on the sea? In dictatorships.
- What do you call a dictator running a bookshop? The Supreme Reader.
- This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around. I was a dictator.
- What do you call a Roman dictator having an epileptic fit? Julius Seizure
- Why did the dictator ban carousel rides in his country? He deemed them revolutionary.
- Why did everyone hate their potato overlord? Because he was a dictator.
- Why doesn't Putin use his own hands when he sends a text? 'Cause he's more of a dictator.
Dictator Kim Jokes
Here is a list of funny dictator kim jokes and even better dictator kim puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard that roles in leadership positions are good jobs... ...but tell that to Kim Jong Un, he's a dictator with a failing Korea
- Can he tame the crazy dictator from the North? The whole world is hoping for Kim Jong-Un.
- Dictator Who's the dictator who loves playing card games?
Kim Jong Uno. - A lot of people say that Kim Jong Un is a terrible dictator.... but I worked as a secretary in his administration for several years, and found his speech to be clear, concise and well paced
- What do you call a North Korean dictator who produces music on SoundCloud? Kim Jong Tune
- What happens when Korean dictators are bad drivers? Kim car-dashing
- Who is Master P's favorite dictator? Kim Jung Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
- What do you call someone who dictates the music on a car ride? Kim Jong Tune
- What dictator was famous for his rapping? Kim Jon Illin
Cheeky Dictator Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about dictator you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dictator pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Question: Do yo know what America does with all it's circumcision's.
Answer: We send them to Cuba where they grow dictators
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the foreign government growing potatoes in their f**...?
Bunch of dictators.
What Italian dictator is either the strongest, or the fishiest?
Benito Muscle-ini or Benito Mussel-ini
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Logic Joke
Two r**..., Hunter and c**... decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" the c**... asked.
The counselor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a w**... eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the counselor.
"That's real good!" said c**....
The counselor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, c**... said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
c**... was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the counselor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
c**..., proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Hunter was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked Hunter.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied c**....
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Hunter.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a w**... eater?" asked c**....
"No," Hunter replied.
"Then you're gay."
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s favorite drunk food?
Dictator-tots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the dictator's plane c**...?
It was stallin'
Lil' Rascals
read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"
Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?
They're way too into Stalin
I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy and Sarah are two finalists at the spelling bee...
Sarah is up first.
Prompter: Sarah, your word is dumb. Please spell it and use it in a sentence.
Sarah: D-U-M-B dumb. Billy is dumb.
Prompter: Good, now spell s**...
Sarah: S-T-U-P-I-D s**.... Billy is s**....
Prompter: Correct, now Billy, spell dictate
Billy: D-I-C-T-A-T-E dictate. Sarah might say I'm dumb and s**..., but she also say my dic-tate good.
Did you hear about the guy who went to Halloween with a potato in his pants?
He went as a dictator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own g**....
Nobody likes dictators
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...
This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.
Which African Dictator extorts flying insects
Robert Mug-a-bee
A rouge English cavalier from the Middle Ages is magically sent into the future to depose Thailand's most ruthless dictator.
One knight in Bangkok makes a hard man humble.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Libyan Dictator's wife say when she didn't want to have s**...?
Muammar Gedoffame!
The Middle East
Where you have to chose between a genocidal dictator or an extremist mob.
(Well, except Turkey; they got it mostly together)
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
Who's the dictator that reports on youtube drama?
Keem Jong Un.
I don't see how someone could mourn the loss of a Chinese dictator.
It just seems unbereaveable to me.
What do you call the North Korean dictator?
Seouless
If Chef Boyardee was a dictator what would he name his secret police?
Gazpacho
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone says h**... was a bad guy
But he killed one of the worst dictators of all time so he can't be all bad.
I found a potato shaped like Fidel Castro
It's a dictator.
A history professor was given a boring lecture about Russian dictators
Finally, an exasperated student exclaimed,"stop, you're putin me to sleep"
What do you call Mussolini's flying saucer?
A dictator ship.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a homeless h**...?
A roofless dictator.
Russian dictators are the best.
They're the crème de la Kremlin!
Trump & Trudeau
Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were we discussing politics when Donald leans in close and says:
Donald: You know Justin, if the US were a Dictatorship I would be a Dictator.
Justin: Yea, I suppose so Donald.
Donald: And you know if the US were a Monarchy I would be a Monarch.
Justin: That's also true Don, but I hate to break it to you, the US is a Country.
What's a cat's favorite dictator?
Mao
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is the North korean dictator so evil?
Because he has no Seoul.
News: Trump would be honoured to meet North Korean dictator.
He's my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut. Said North Korea's dictator.
3 Main Evils
There are 3 main evils in the world: Dictators, Mosquitos and Vegans.
Or D.M.V for short.
What Is a Dictator Dinosaur Called
Tyrant-O-Saurus
Who was the sweetest dictator?
Chairman Maoam
Why did the Russian dictator take so long to respond?
He was Stalin.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Have you heard of Richard Potato?
He's a dictator.
What did Stalin eat for breakfast?
Dictator-tots
Who is the fastest dictator ?
Hussein Bolt
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did ISIS kill the man who had s**... with communist dictators?
He was in fidel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when a Cambodian dictator opens up a restaurant in his Cannabis plantation?
Pol p**...'s p**... Plot Hot p**....
A husband and wife are getting ready for a costume party. Since they have nothing on hand to wear for the event, the husband suggests to his wife that she should put a lemon between her legs as he puts the potato between his. Confused, she asks what it's all about.
The husband says, "Honey, you be the sourpuss, and I'll be the dictator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Due to the amount of coincidence that happened for h**... to become a dictator
We can safley assume that if there is a god, he sure isn't jewish
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... was a pretty good leader
He killed a dictator that killed and tortured millions of people that then ended WW2
Why is it impolite to say Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat?
Ettiquete dictates you say, "President Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat."
Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator
Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?
Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can't guarantee
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dictator walks into a bar...
He orders everybody shots.
A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.
He was a Dic-tater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Italian Dictator say to those dang Allies?
Get off Mi-Lan!
What is a dictators best magic trick?
They make people disappear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Kim Jong Un such an evil dictator?
Because he has no Seoul.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific f**... of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...
So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**..., Stalin, and Mussolini were on a boat.
It was quite a powerful dictator ship.
What do you call an authoritarian couch potato?
A dictator tot
I have only one rule when it comes to attire
I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.
I call it...
Occam's Blazer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life hacks from Secretary Stalin, don't dress for the job you want. Use the job you have to create a totalitarian dictatorship to crush your enemies.
*this joke exists because I found out Stalin's title during his reign was Secretary. During the power struggles his opponents wanted to give him a menial job to side line him. But he realized he controlled who got invitations to meeting, what was on the agenda, and when they should happen. Leading to his total d**... of the communist party as a dictator.
What do we want? A Chinese dictator!
When do we want it? Mao!
Guy goes to a costume party dressed in a Speedo with a potato in the front. He knocks on the door of the party and the host says what are you suppose to be?
He says, I'm a dictator
Who was the strongest dictator?
Muscle-ini
