Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.
1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."
Me with 2 dicks in my mouth.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.
Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger.
My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.
*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*
His underwear fits like a glove.
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"
Dicks out for dead kids just doesn't sound good
Why does he only draw dicks?
They don't like Dicks...
Your mom can't take a joke!!!
You never know how yours compares to others but you always hope it's a little bigger.
Because they're complete dicks.
He says "honey, tell me something that's going to make me really happy AND really mad at the same time"
She looks at him and says "your dicks bigger than your brothers"
because she didn't like dicks.
Didn't think you'd know.
They love anything 10% off
It's called the Halfway Inn.
Into the silence, he says "So... I guess this is where the dicks hang out."
I get why most renaissance paintings are of fat people lounging around with their boobs and dicks out
Well... then blow my mind.
Because he likes Dicks.
His pants fit like a glove.
but all I want is a woman who will blow my mind.
she has a separate entrance for black dicks.
I think this "Dicks out for Harambe" thing is getting out of hand.
Because I think my wife is just overreacting?
...is they tend to rub off on you.
Two hookers are standing on the side of the street. One says to the other, "It's going to be a great night! You can almost smell the dicks in the air!"
The other hooker responds, "I'm sorry, I just burped."
When he sits down at the kitchen table while his mother is cooking, he calmly tells her, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm gay"
The mother has no reaction. She just continues cooking.
Again, the son says, "Mom, I am not sure if you heard me, but I wanted to tell you that I'm gay."
Again, the mother has no reaction, and just continues cooking.
The son says again, "Mom, I am gay. Did you hear what I told you?"
The mother stops cooking, walks to her son, and asks, "Does gay mean that you put other men's dicks in your mouth?"
The son tells her, "Yes, that is what it means."
The mother then slaps him and says, "Don't you ever complain about my cooking again"
Two prostitutes were walking down the street and one of them said excitingly, "Oh we're gonna make big money tonight, I can smell the dicks in the air." The other one said, "Oh please, I just burped."
Con: They're dicks.
Pro: Their dicks.
You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
...confusing and full of dicks.
His underwear fit like a glove.
My coworker was hitting on these two women who were way put of his league. They tolerated him for a while thinking he would go away, but he was persistent to the point that they were getting visibly agitated.
Thinking she would put him in his place, one of the women finally said, "Look buddy, I'm sure you're great, but my friend and I only date guys with 10-inch dicks."
I was getting that feeling in my stomach that guys get when they watch a friend get shot down and utterly humiliated. Then my friend replied, "Hey lady, I don't care who y'all are, I ain't holding back two inches for nobody!"
He got their numbers.
I've sucked 5 dicks so far and I still have no idea how this is supposed to work
..no wonder some priests are such immature dicks.
The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."
So I could brag about how small mine is
If you had one you would know.
I only like 12 inch dicks
if you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks.
Just the guys
Pants that fit like a glove.
Because they don't like dicks.
Your mom can't take a joke..
I hate junk mail.
Without a bunch of other dude's dicks inside of it.
They both have to say 'I'm in'.
So I asked her if she liked guys with big dicks.
She replied " oh, yes baby! I do! .."
I apologized for wasting her time and said good night...
3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for one. It is the test of purity. So the other monks tie bells to their dicks and put them in a room with a naked chick.
She dances in front of the first one, and, sure enough, he goes 'ding-ding!'
"Go take a cold shower, now!" she commands, and he goes to take a shower.
So she dances in front of the next one, and, after a couple of minutes, he goes 'ding-ding!'
"Go take a cold shower with your brother!" she yells, and he leaves.
Now she goes to the last one, dancing in front of him. He doesn't ring. The woman nods.
"Good, you've passed. Go take a shower with your brothers."
"Ding-ding!"
He called one Jose and the other Hose B
They are told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.
The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I work for Dyson!".
Dicks Sporting Hoods.
Because they don't like Dicks.
No.
Cuz then they would be uncles.
Yo momma never takes anything serious.
The bartender asks him where he got all the money. The guy said, "I sucked some dicks for $1000.10". The bartender asks him, "Who gave you the 10 cents?". The guy says, "They all did."
Turns out he was cock-eyed.
I asked a friend. If there are a 1000 dicks on the wall how many do u choke on
Friend says. None ?
Never knew my friend was such a pro ....
They replied yeah.
I replied, "I'm sorry for wasting your time..." turned around and walked away awkwardly.
An erectangle.
I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same.
Cr
A black woman can't take a black joke.
Cause he prefers Dicks.
Dudddeee.....your dicks out!
All he does is draw pictures of dicks. Over and over and over.
And it was my day off
Or why he's so obsessed with drawing dicks
I got pulled over for what he thought was drunk driving. He asked me to say the alphabet backwards, and I just smiled and say "you first". Then he said "No it's Z" and arrested me.
Life is always hard.
Yes that's the one.
"Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out on it though."
They ribbit for your pleasure.
Changing their official slogan to Dicks Sporting Hoods.
Edit* grammar
We have collected gags that can be used as Dicks pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Dicks, here are one liners and funny Dicks pick up lines.