The Best 81 Dicks Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dicks jokes. There are some dicks bobbitt jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dicks mens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dicks Jokes and Puns

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

They say you are what you eat.. wonder some priests are such immature dicks.

2 Dicks Walking Down the Street

So there are these two dicks walking down the street. One sees a gay bar, so he says to the other: "Hey man, you wanna go get shitfaced?"

Dicks joke, 2 Dicks Walking Down the Street

What did the letter " O " say to the letter " Q " ?

Dudddeee.....your dicks out!

Why doesnt justin bieber shop at Sports Authority?

Cause he prefers Dicks.

Why did the lesbian go to Sports Authority?

because she didn't like dicks.

The worst part about working with a bunch of dicks... they tend to rub off on you.

Dicks joke, The worst part about working with a bunch of dicks...

I met a Mexican with two dicks

He called one Jose and the other Hose B

Why do lesbians prefer going to Sports Authority?

They don't like Dicks...

What do men with big dicks eat for breakfast?

If you had one you would know.


A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"

"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

You can explore dicks vaginas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dicks dicked dad jokes. There are also dicks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon dicks on them.

I hate junk mail.

[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian

1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."

Two prostitutes were walking down the street...

Two prostitutes were walking down the street and one of them said excitingly, "Oh we're gonna make big money tonight, I can smell the dicks in the air." The other one said, "Oh please, I just burped."

They say us men all think with our dicks...

but all I want is a woman who will blow my mind.

Guy goes to a bar and starts buying everyone drinks.

The bartender asks him where he got all the money. The guy said, "I sucked some dicks for $1000.10". The bartender asks him, "Who gave you the 10 cents?". The guy says, "They all did."

Dicks joke, Guy goes to a bar and starts buying everyone drinks.

Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dicks.

I wish dicks were more like technology

So I could brag about how small mine is

What do you call 4 dicks tied together?

An erectangle.

What do guys with big dicks eat for breakfast?

Didn't think you'd know.

Pros and cons of guys:

Con: They're dicks.
Pro: Their dicks.

Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!

They are told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.

The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.

The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.

The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "I work for Dyson!".

Today I walked up to some girls and asked if they liked guys with big dicks

They replied yeah.

I replied, "I'm sorry for wasting your time..." turned around and walked away awkwardly.

Dicksuckers Cramp

Guy 1: "You know what this face is?"

*Holds mouth open in an O*

Guy 2: "No, what?"

Guy 1: "Dicksuckers Cramp, get it?"

Guy 2: "Yeah"

Guy 1: "How often?"

What's the difference between ten black dicks and a black joke? (offensive)

A black woman can't take a black joke.

What does a man with five dicks wear?

Pants that fit like a glove.

Why do Jewish girls love circumcised dicks?

They love anything 10% off

Welcome to Dick's hotdogs,

if you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks.

What's the difference between jokes and dicks?

My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes.

*edited for spelling: "Mr" instead of "my"*

My friend had to go to the doctor, because all he could see were dicks.

Turns out he was cock-eyed.

Paychecks are like dicks...

Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger.

Why are uncircumcised people loners?

Because they're complete dicks.

Jack the lad at work came out with this one today... What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke..

It's a good thing Harambe got shot....

Dicks out for dead kids just doesn't sound good

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.

If a woman says, "all men think with their dicks"

Well... then blow my mind.

My friend told me to try out a gloryhole, since you can pretend it's a woman on the other side

I've sucked 5 dicks so far and I still have no idea how this is supposed to work

A pro ?

I asked a friend. If there are a 1000 dicks on the wall how many do u choke on

Friend says. None ?

Never knew my friend was such a pro ....

Life is like a gay bar...

...confusing and full of dicks.

Was talking to a lady online. Things were getting sensual.

So I asked her if she liked guys with big dicks.

She replied " oh, yes baby! I do! .."

I apologized for wasting her time and said good night...

What has 3 dicks and is suicidal?

Me with 2 dicks in my mouth.

Did you hear about the man born with 5 dicks?

His pants fit like a glove.

Dicks and vaginas are sorta like Coke and Pepsi

I strongly prefer one, but my dad thinks they taste the same.


Political opinions are like dicks....

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

Dicks are like paychecks.

You never know how yours compares to others but you always hope it's a little bigger.

A man stands at a row of crowded urinals...

Into the silence, he says "So... I guess this is where the dicks hang out."

After 10yrs of marriage is finding out that your spouse sucked 500+ dicks before getting hitched a big deal?

Because I think my wife is just overreacting?

We're told men with large feet have large dicks and men with big cars have small dicks

You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.

Weinstein, C.K., Lauer...

I think this "Dicks out for Harambe" thing is getting out of hand.

Have you met the guy with 5 dicks?

His underwear fits like a glove.

You know that famous painter Rorschach?

Why does he only draw dicks?

A husband and wife sit down to dinner

He says "honey, tell me something that's going to make me really happy AND really mad at the same time"
She looks at him and says "your dicks bigger than your brothers"

I left my wife last night. It turns out I like my women like I like my coffee....

Without a bunch of other dude's dicks inside of it.

A condom store should be called...

Dicks Sporting Hoods.

Yo mamma so old,

she has a separate entrance for black dicks.

A football team loses its star player Dante Dicks due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."

Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.

The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."

Did you hear about the hotel that's only for guys with big dicks?

It's called the Halfway Inn.

Why do lesbians shop at Gander Mountain?

Because they don't like Dicks.

Do ants have dicks?


Cuz then they would be uncles.

Two hookers are standing on the side of the street..

Two hookers are standing on the side of the street. One says to the other, "It's going to be a great night! You can almost smell the dicks in the air!"

The other hooker responds, "I'm sorry, I just burped."

Have you guys ever heard of this artist Rorschach?

All he does is draw pictures of dicks. Over and over and over.

The government reveals their new logo today....

The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a condom.

I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while being screwed.

Not all black people have huge dicks

Just the guys

What's the difference between, anything serious, and 25 unwashed homeless Juggalo dicks?

Yo momma never takes anything serious.

I've got a foot fetish.

I only like 12 inch dicks

Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority?

Because they don't like dicks.

What do hackers from movies and guys with small dicks have in common?

They both have to say 'I'm in'.

Now that I have lived through a plague...

I get why most renaissance paintings are of fat people lounging around with their boobs and dicks out

What's the difference between a joke and a bag of dicks?

Your mom can't take a joke!!!

Have you guys heard the one about the guy with 5 dicks?

His pants fit like a glove.

Bro, you really don't want to get into a dick-measuring contest with me. Trust me, you'll lose.

I'm really good at measuring dicks.

My gf told me guys only think with their dicks.

She really blew my mind.

One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

Why do men name their dicks?

Because they don't like strangers making all their decisions for them.

Paul was having dinner with his family when suddenly his elder daughter rose from the chair and said, "I have a confession to make.I'm a lesbian ."

Paul smiles and says, "Congratulations. I will still love you nonetheless."

Suddenly his younger daughter says ," Dad, I'm a lesbian too."

Paul begrudgingly exclaims , " Does nobody in this family likes dicks?"

His son says,"I do."

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders a pint.

The second orders a half pint.

The third orders a quarter pint.

The bartender sees where this is going, he pours them all two pints of beer and says, "you guys are dicks".

The young man finally made up his mind to tell his mother he was gay.

He could no longer keep it a secret so one evening when she was in the kitchen making supper, he took the plunge and told her.

Mum, I have something to tell you, I'm gay.

Immediately, his mother replied, Does being gay mean you have men's dicks in your mouth?

Well … stammered the young man. Yes, it does.

In that case, she said angrily, don't you ever criticise my cooking again.

Life sucks.

That's probably why most people choose to be dicks...

I applied to every single college fraternity

But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently they only accept complete dicks.

Norm MacDonald died today

When he got to heaven, the angels told him it was mandatory that he take an eye exam to enter. And they all watched.

He read it out loud: E-I-E-I-Ohhh you guys are DICKS!

RIP Norm.

I got lucky in a bar

I got lucky in a bar and ended up taking a nurse home last night for sex.
As I stripped off in front of her I said, you must have seen a few dicks where you work - how does mine rate?
It's slightly bigger than most I see she said.
Thanks I replied feeling quite pleased with myself, where do you work exactly?

I'm a midwife.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dicks dick cheney jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dicks zip dick piss piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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