Diary Jokes
77 diary jokes and hilarious diary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Diary Short Jokes
Short diary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diary humour may include short journal jokes also.
- Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
- My daughter thinks I don't respect her personal boundaries Or at least that's what she wrote in her diary
- My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she said in her diary...
- My wife thinks I don't respect her boundaries I was so shocked, I didn't want to read her diary anymore.
- I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare. - I was really surprised when my friend said I was nosey.... ...because they never mentioned that in their diary
- My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem. *Dear Diary,*
S*orry to bother you again.* - My brother thinks I don't give him enough privacy. That's what he wrote about me in his diary.
- I read in my girlfriend's diary...... that I have real trust issues!! What a bunch of BS...
- My Neighbor is purified of me Wait, not purified. Petrified. She's petrified. It's hard to read a diary through these binoculars.
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Diary One Liners
Which diary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diary? I can suggest the ones about notebook and autobiography.
- My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
- My girlfriend is mad at me According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".
- According to my wife's diary, I have boundary issues.
- My wife says I'm too nosy. At least that's what she said in her diary.
- Somebody stole my diary and my rosary. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
- My daughter thinks I'm nosy and controlling. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
- Noah's diary : Day 39. Unicorn pie is delicious!
- I'm working on a script for a horror movie. It's called *my diary*
- Hey, want a book full of jokes? Here's a copy of my diary!
- Why was the astronaut's diary blank? It was filled with space.
- What do you call a fluid log of fluid logs? A diarrhea diary.
- Jesus Christ wrote the same thing in his diary every day... "I think I'm being followed"
- Why didn't Ann Frank finish her diary? She needed more concentration.
- What Do You Call A Diary Prone To Burning? Incen-Diary
- Why did the Three Wise Men travel from afar to learn about how diary products were made?
Dear Diary Jokes
Here is a list of funny dear diary jokes and even better dear diary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dear Diary.. ..today I ate Indian food and Taco bell.
Thus, I will call you "Dear Diarrea" for the next two days. - Dear Diary, I've got the best April fool's day prank planned for my friends. I'm going to fake my death and return as a zombie! The looks on their faces will be priceless lolololol.
-Jesus
Hilarious Fun Diary Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about diary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean biography jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diary pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
Husband & Wife Diary Entries
Wife's Diary
Bob has been acting so weird lately. Yesterday, we had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for supper. I'd been shopping with Jenny all day, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything about it.
Conversation over supper wasn't flowing, so I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
Tonight, when he came home from work, he skipped supper altogether, piddled in the garage for two hours, then headed straight for his recliner and sat there quietly staring at the TV. When I asked him about the fire they'd just covered on the news, he said he hadn't followed the story. It had just been on!
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed, but he was distant and distracted. He didn't even kiss me goodnight -- he just fell asleep. I lay there for hours wondering what was wrong. I don't know how to reach him. I don't know what to do.
Husband's Diary:
Boat still won't start. Can't figure it out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found my daughters diary and read it.
So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.
For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out her closet, I found her diary. My initial reaction was just to put it back as i didn't want to invade her privacy, so I finished cleaning and left her room. But later that evening, my curiosity got the better of me and I got the diary, took it to my room and read it.
I was horrified to discover that she has a new boyfriend, and that they've been having s**.... She described in graphic detail all the k**... stuff they'd been doing and how she had performed o**... s**... on him. And then, just at the point I thought that the debauchery could not get any worse, you'll never guess what I came across next. Page 64, the bed sheets and my own leg a little bit.
The Great Father (Diary Story)
My mom says I don't respect her privacy...
I found out while reading her diary.
There was a pub quiz last week
And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!
Which book has the worst cliffhanger?
Anne Frank's Diary
Roommates
Roommate 1: "You think I'm nosy, don't you?!"
Roommate 2: "No, not at all!"
Roommate 1: "Then why'd you write that in your diary?!"
How does a gay forester calls his diary where he keeps account of all his affairs?
A heath ledger
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.
I wrote in my diary and went through it with a bright yellow marker.
It was the hi lite of my day.
I got a book for Hanukkah today
It was the diary of Anne Frank
I went to the races yesterday.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
My roommate says I don't respect personal space.
That's at least what it says in his diary.
My girlfriend says that I am snoopy.
But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.
A woman is cleaning her daughters room when she stumbles upon her diary. She sees an entry that reads: "I lost my virginitty today"
The woman starts crying.
"How can this happen? I've given her everything. Why did she do this to me? She can't be serious about this. She's in 9th grade for gods sake. How does she not know how to spell virginity?"
I remember the old days...
When people would get mad if you read their diary. Now they post it online and get mad if you don't read it.
The Song "Trumpets" from Jason derulo should be renamed
To "Diary of a stalker "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s favourite book?
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
A man writing in his diary:
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
My girlfriend said to me that she would break up with me for invading her privacy
Or at least that's what it said in her diary.
A man has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for over a year and a half
One day, however, one of his friends notices that he seems down.
"Are you okay buddy? You look like something's bugging you."
"Ah, yeah, well, it's this," he says shakily as he hands his friend a diary, which was opened to the latest page. The entry reads
"I'm going to marry her some day."
"Oh, I get it, you're not sure if you're ready to go forwards, and are having doubts about your relationship."
"No, no, that's not the problem."
"Well, if that's not it, then what is the problem?"
"The problem is," the man begins as he looks directly at his friend, "that this is my wife's diary."
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker
At least that's what I think she wrote in her diary... binoculars are hard to read through
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the man character wasn't likeable...
So, yeah, now I have a new hiding place for my diary.
What do you call a Jewish girl's best friend?
A diary
Castaway's diary
Day 1: Every thing is fine. Perfectly sound also I met a crab
Day 2: I married the crab
Day 3: I ate my wife
What do you the call the son of an alcoholic's diary?
Diary of a drinky's kid.
What do you call the diary of a woman of the faith?
nun-fiction.
What is a creep's favorite musical key?
The cute toy one that "opens" your kid's diary.
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
My crush thinks I'm a bit too invasive even at school.
That's what she wrote in her diary at her house anyway.
My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken.
"The Diary of Anne Frank"
