Diapers Jokes

What are some Diapers jokes?

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps.

She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.

"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.

"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"

Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"

The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"

What do politicians and diapers have in common?

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor one day and tells him she's been having some stomach pains. In reply the doctor takes some samples and tells the woman to come back a week later when the results are in. So a week later the woman goes to the doctor and asks "So what's wrong with me?", "well..." says the doctor "in 6 months from now you be changing diapers.", in astonishment the woman exclaims "wow, I'm pregnant?", "No..." says the doctor "you have bowel cancer."

A woman visits the doctor as she has some strange symptoms and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope your husband likes changing diapers".

She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

Now that I'm an adult, there are things I can appreciate a whole lot more than when I was a child...

Things like wearing diapers and spankings...

My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

Politicians are like Diapers

they should be changed regularly, and for the same reason

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

Ever since I started to wear adult diapers

I've been a changed man.

Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do
a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.

Husband: Well you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said, "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

That's when I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.🤔

How do diapers work?

(>_<) Hnng. Aaaaaaaah.

Like that.

I'll show myself the door. ^^[sqiush ^^squish ^^squish ^^squish]

One man, one job

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.
Husband: Well you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said, "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here." That's when I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.
*Moral*: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.

Babies wear diapers for two reasons...

Number 1 and number 2

A woman visits the doctor because she's been suffering from some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After he finishes examining her, the doctor comes out to see her and says, "Well, I hope you like changing diapers."

The woman replies, "Oh my God! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

The doctor says, "No, you've got bowel cancer."

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

We are sorry to announce that we are out of diapers, Poise, and Attends.

We apologize for any incontinence.

So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

Mark Twain Quote

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

How are politicians similar to diapers?

Both need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Diapers

Why are baby's diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that's because when we're babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we're adults it depends on who's in the will.

Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

A woman visits her doctor since she has some abdominal pains ...

She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

I gave my incontinent friend some adult diapers...

He's a changed man now.

What kind of bear wears diapers?

Winnie the Pooh

My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers

I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they're loaded.

I only wear adult diapers for 2 reasons

#1 and #2

Where can you find adult diapers?

Depends on who's asking.

A woman at the store.

Today I saw a woman at the store. She was buying both diapers and birth control. I just had to ask her out, because I love a woman that learns from her mistakes.

I usually only wear diapers for 2 reasons

Number 1 and number 2

If you really want to change the world...

...you're going to need 7 billion diapers.

I ran out of adult diapers...

but I can make do without them.

Why did the elephant go to the party with diapers on?

He was a party pooper.

When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...

"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.

1. Unzip your pants

2. Pull out your equipment

3. Pull back your foreskin

4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee

5. Push back your foreskin

6. Put your equipment back,

7. Zip back up.

Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."

Bomb the babies and....

Thanksgiving political conversation:

Me: well what would you rather spend the money on, giving babies diapers or dropping bombs?
Uncle Morris: we have enough for both. Bomb the babies and give the terrorists diapers.

How do you know when Indian men grown up?

When they take out their diapers and wrap it around their head

Some people hate the thought of adult diapers....

But I say, "It's just Depends."

A woman goes to the doctor because her stomach has been slowly swelling.

The doctor examines her and says "Expect more swelling and buy some nappies (diapers)."

"Why?" asks the woman. "Am I pregnant?"

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

I've come up with an idea for a robot that changes my kid's diapers and shags me.

I call it Poo Nanny.

How to make Diapers jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Diapers to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Diapers? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Diapers pick up lines to share with friends.

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