diapers Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious diapers puns

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

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A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps...

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps.

She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.

"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.

"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

"No, you've got bowel cancer."

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A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"

Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"

The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"

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Bosses are like diapers...

Always on your ass and normally full of shit

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There are 4 babies: 1 German, 1 Filipino, 1 Jewish and 1 Chinese. (Possibly offensive)

All 4 of them look and sound exactly the same, hair color, skin color, size, everything.

You are only allowed to tell them apart by saying 1 word.
What word is it?


Answer:
You shout "Hitler!". The German baby will salute, the Jewish baby will cry and shit his diapers, and the Chinese baby will order the Filipino baby to clean it up.

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What do politicians and diapers have in common?

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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Explaining how the parliament works.

One day a boy asks his dad how the parliament works. So his dad tells him,
"Well, i am the working man of the family so think of me as capitalism. Your mom is the government, your baby brother is the future and the housekeeper is the working class. Now ponder over what i've told you and tell me what you understand."
That night, the boy's brother shit his diapers, when he goes to call his mom, she doesn't wake up and his dad isn't there. So he goes to the housekeeper's room and finds it locked. He peeps in and sees his dad banging her.
The next morning the boy says to his dad,
"I finally understood how the parliament works. While the government sleeps and the future is in deep shit, capitalism is screwing the working class."

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A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor one day and tells him she's been having some stomach pains. In reply the doctor takes some samples and tells the woman to come back a week later when the results are in. So a week later the woman goes to the doctor and asks "So what's wrong with me?", "well..." says the doctor "in 6 months from now you be changing diapers.", in astonishment the woman exclaims "wow, I'm pregnant?", "No..." says the doctor "you have bowel cancer."

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Dadding is not easy

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.

Husband: Well you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said,

"Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

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I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

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I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

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Now that I'm an adult, there are things I can appreciate a whole lot more than when I was a child...

Things like wearing diapers and spankings...

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My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

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Politicians are like Diapers

they should be changed regularly, and for the same reason

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Politicians are like diapers

They need to be changed frequently and for the same reason

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Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

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Ever since I started to wear adult diapers

I've been a changed man.

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How do diapers work?

(>_<) Hnng. Aaaaaaaah.

Like that.

I'll show myself the door. ^^[sqiush ^^squish ^^squish ^^squish]

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One man, one job

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.
Husband: Well you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had wet its diapers and you said, "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here." That's when I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.
*Moral*: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.

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Babies wear diapers for two reasons...

Number 1 and number 2

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A woman visits the doctor because she's been suffering from some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After he finishes examining her, the doctor comes out to see her and says, "Well, I hope you like changing diapers."

The woman replies, "Oh my God! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

The doctor says, "No, you've got bowel cancer."

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Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

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We are sorry to announce that we are out of diapers, Poise, and Attends.

We apologize for any incontinence.

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Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

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What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

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Diapers

Why are baby's diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that's because when we're babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we're adults it depends on who's in the will.

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A woman visits her doctor since she has some abdominal pains ...

She thinks she might be pregnant. After the examination, the doctor comes out to see her.
Doctor: *"Well, I hope you like changing diapers."*
Patient: *"Oh my god, are you serious? Am I pregnant?"*
Doctor: *"No, you've got colon cancer."*

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Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

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Mark Twain Quote

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

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How are politicians similar to diapers?

Both need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

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I gave my incontinent friend some adult diapers...

He's a changed man now.

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Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they're loaded.

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My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers

I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."

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a man gets a phone call at work...

his wife has been in a horrible car accident.

he rushes to the hospital, and the doctor, who is affectedly canadian, as the man can tell by his accent, says to him, "i'm sorry, guy, it's been a terrible accident. she is comatose and can't do anything for herself. if she ever does come out of it, she'll be a vegetable; you'll have to feed her, dress her, change her diapers and/or catheter bags regularly for the rest of her life."

crying, the man says "oh doctor, that's awful!"

the doctor says "i'm just fucking with you, buddy, she's dead."

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What are the most funny Diapers jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Diapers? Well, here are the best Diapers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Diapers pick up lines to share with friends.

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