Following is our collection of funny Diamonds jokes. There are some diamonds karat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these diamonds neil diamond puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Carbon dating
"I have only diamonds, clubs, and spades," said Tom heartlessly.
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'
Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..
Hotline Bling.
a redneck at his family reunion
John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player
She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
Later on, it's a club and a spade.
-Mom, why is my cousin named Diamond?
-Because Aunt Carol Loves Diamonds
-What about me?
-Enough questions Harambe
His mother replies "because your auntie loves Diamonds"
He replies "what about me?"
She responds "enough question Richard"
You can explore diamonds gold reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean diamonds jeweller dad jokes. There are also diamonds puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
John Lennon - World's Worst Cluedo Player.
She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."
Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.
Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds
Kid: well what about my name?
Mother: never mind about that Richard.
She will love this pack of playing cards.
Because they are measured in carrots.
April Fools
I bought a deck of 'American Police' playing cards yesterday.
There's no hearts or diamonds in it. Just one spade and fifty one clubs.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck
It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.
Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*
Sexual harassment suit.
... pretty coal.
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.
Programmer: Honey, Imma buy you diamonds for our anniversary
Wife: Oh honey! Nothing would please me more.
He got her nothing instead.
But taking what annoys you, wrapping it up in gunk, polishing it until it looks pretty and then ignoring it makes pearls.
When she sat on graphite, she turned it into diamonds!
Massive oversupply with artificial market restrictions in place. Everyone who has one thinks they are unique, and if one is in your hand you're expected to mention its size,
and fake ones are often just as good
The demand for them is manipulated by a cartel to create artificial scarcity and drive up profit margins.
First you have hearts and diamonds then at the end is clubs and spades
Could you gift me couple of diamonds, for our anniversary, girlfriend asked.
I gifted her a pack of playing cards.
...and sometimes I wonder the same thing about the title of the movie The Dark Crystal.
"Sorry sir, all we have are these Juuls."
Perfectly cut and hard as a rock
Never spend diamonds on a hoe
Never waste diamonds on a hoe.
Eggspensive!
He's the one that orca-strated the heist!
It's that you don't waste diamonds on a hoe
As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."
"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I ask coyly.
"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."
Last week, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday present.
Oh, I don't know, she said. Just give me something with diamonds.
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
Minecraft taught me a valuable life lesson...
Never spend your diamonds on a hoe
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?
Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds
Head producer: You're over-thinking this, let's just keep it low-key
... but if they find drugs, then it's yours?
They're all just carbon copies of each other.
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the diamonds bracelets jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working diamonds earring piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.