Diamond Ring Jokes
45 diamond ring jokes and hilarious diamond ring puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diamond ring that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Diamond Ring Short Jokes
Short diamond ring jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diamond ring humour may include short engagement ring jokes also.
- My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!" So I got her nothing
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring". So I bought her nothing.
- I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake They gave me a sham rock
- Bought my wife a beautiful big diamond ring. She asked, "Why didn't you buy me a new car ?"
I told her, "They don't make fake cars." - My girlfriend's birthday is in two days. And she told me Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring .
So I bought her nothing and now she is mad at me for no reason - My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
- My girlfriend said nothing would make her happier than a diamond ring for her birthday So I got her nothing
- Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ...
- A lesbian couple gets married and decides to only get 1 diamond ring between them Two birds, one stone
- A guy tells his friend, "I bought my wife a diamond ring." "You told me she wanted a car," the friend replies.
"Yeah," says the first guy, "but where would I find a fake car?"
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Diamond Ring One Liners
Which diamond ring one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diamond ring? I can suggest the ones about diamond name and wedding rings.
- Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend Fair trade if you ask me
- Our dog accidentally swallowed my wife's wedding ring. Now we have a diamond in the ruff.
- What idiot called it an engagement ring... When he could've called it a Kneel Diamond?
- These dishwashers are getting too expensive my new one even demands a diamond ring
Diamond Ring Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about diamond ring you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean diamond jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diamond ring pranks.
Southern Ladies
Three southern ladies are sitting on a porch, talking about how much their husbands love them. The first lady says, "My husband loves me so much! He bought me this diamond ring!" The second lady responds, "Oh my!" and the third lady says, "Isn't that nice". The second lady then boasts to her friends, "Well, my husband loves me more! He bought me a Mercedes Benz!" The first lady gasps, "Golly! he does love you!" The third lady says, "Isn't that nice". They then proceed to sip their tea when the first lady looks over at the third and says, "Well, doesn't your husband love you? What did he buy you?" The third lady raises her eyebrows, looks at her and says, "My husband sent me to finishing school, so instead of saying f**... You' I say, 'Isn't that nice!'".
A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
Gave my wife a diamond ring, now she isn't speaking to me.
Because those were the terms of our agreement.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...
He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.
Another Southern Belle Joke:
Four southern belles were discussing their husbands one afternoon
1st Southern Belle: "Well, ah do declare, my husband is so good to me.
He brings me diamonds near' every day of the week. I got a diamond
ring for every finger."
2SB: "My My My"
3SB: "You know, my husbands is the same way. He brings me fur coats
all the time. I got a whole closet full of fur coats."
2SB: "My My My"
4SB: "Mine too. He takes me on cruises and trips. I've been nearly
everywhere on this whole blessed earth."
2SB: "My My My"
(Nervous pause)
1SB to 2SB: "How does your husband treat you?"
2SB: "Oh, my husband is good to me too. He sent me off to finishin' school."
(Nervous pause)
3SB to 2SB: "Finishin' school? What good is goin' to finishin' school?"
2SB: "Well, I used to say 'Fuck you, b**...', now I just say 'My My My.'"
It's been a long time c**...'.....
Cremated Husband....
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that b**... I promised you?"
"Here it comes."
A cop is walking down the street and notices
A cop is walking down the street and notices a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. Can I help you? he asked.
The blonde woman replied, I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it.
The cop asked, Did you drop it right here?
No, responded the blonde, I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here.
I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?
She did, I replied, But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
On Valentine's Day
On Valentine's Day , a man and his wife got up from bed
The wife told the man that she dreamt of him giving her a diamond ring on Valentine's Day. She asked him what it meant. He said, " You'll see tonight."
That night he came home with a small package.
Excited, his wife opened the package to find a book named "The Meaning of Dreams"
I was thinking of getting my girlfriend a 24 carat diamond ring
But when I tried it at the jewelry store it didn't taste like carats at all, let alone 24 of them
A businessman boarded a plane...
to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning, diamond ring he had ever seen.
He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr Klopman."
A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary.
A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreams that her husband bought her a gift box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.
When she wakes up, she tells her husband about the dream, wondering what it entails and if she was foreseeing the future.
That night her husband bought her a gift box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
Inside that box was another box.
And inside the fourth box was a book entitled "HOW TO INTERPRET DREAMS".
what a dream!!
Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
I don't know why she freaked out after I gave her a gift on our second date.
I really spent a lot of money on that diamond ring.
An Irish Proposal
An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick's Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.
He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick's Day, he picked her a sham-rock.
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
Doctor and Engineer wanted to date the same girl
The girl said to both what can you do for me. The Doctor being well-off bought the girl a diamond ring and the girl smiled and said thank you. The Engineer brought the girl an apple and the girl was confused. She said "why did you bring an apple?". The Engineer replied "An apple a day, keeps the Doctor away"
A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer.
A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer. "Last night my wife woke me up to tell me that she dreamed that I bought her a big, expensive diamond ring for Valentine's Day, and she wondered if that dream meant anything." "What did you tell her?" the bartender asks. "I gave her a passionate kiss and told her she would find out tonight," the guy laughs as he pulls out a small, exquisitely wrapped package. "I got her a book, 'The Meaning of Dreams.'"
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
Two friends were talking to each other in a bar...
"I bought my wife a diamond ring for her birthday!", one man proudly exclaimed.
"I thought you said that you were buying her a new car," the other questioned.
"Yeah, but where was I gonna find a fake car?"
Mood 𝑺𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈
Two women are shopping and talking about their husbands. One says, "My husband said he was getting impatient with my mood swings, so he bought me a mood ring the other day to monitor my moods." "How'd that work out?" asked the second woman. "Well," said the first, "When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big, flipping red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond."
My wife told me over breakfast she dreamed I'd given her a diamond ring
"I wonder what it means," she said.
I smiled but said nothing and left for work.
That evening I brought her a small gift-wrapped package. Oh you should have seen how excited she was! Brought a tear to my eye.
She opened the present with trembling hands: a little book titled "How to interpret your dreams."
Two guys are talking about what the are got their wives for their birthdays…
…and one of them say he got his wife a five karat Diamond ring.
And his buddy says, That's nice, but I thought she wanted a Lexus?
Yeah, but I didn't know where to buy a fake Lexus.