Dials Jokes
38 dials jokes and hilarious dials puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dials that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dials Short Jokes
Short dials jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dials humour may include short dialed jokes also.
- Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven. - Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes." Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"
- My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach "Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said
"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial" - A drunk man ran over a policeman, and immediately dials 911 - 911?
- Yes
- Well, now you're 910. - Hard to find good help nowadays A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?"
He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else." - phone call Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, Hello? and I said, Hello, could I speak to Joey? … They said, Uh… I don't think so…he's only 2 months old. I said, I'll wait.
- If a watchmaker uses Dial and a piano player uses Ivory and a Orange grower uses Zest... ...Does a Bull Fighter use Olay?
- I dialed a wrong number It told me: "I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate by 90 degrees and try again."
- police and public Caller: Dials in 911 Hello officer, I broke my arm in 3 places!
Officer: Then stop going to those places. - I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet... He sent me a large goat with a really long neck...Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama
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Dials One Liners
Which dials one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dials? I can suggest the ones about dial up and telephone call.
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the number 11
- Why couldn't the blonde dial 911? She didn't know where the 11 was.
- Girl, are you dial-up internet? Because you're really loud and annoying.
- I put my Grandma on speed dial.. I call that Instagram
- Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
- What do solstices use to communicate? Sun-dial-up!
- What do you call it when you have your grandmother on speed dial. Instagram
- Common sense is like dial-up internet access It hasn't been used in years
- The USA is number 1 when dialing internationally.
- Why are alligators' Internet connections so slow? Because their modems are croco-dial up.
- I like my women how I like my dial-up Internet Always going down on me...
- Why can't the blonde dial 911? She couldn't find the 11.
- What do you call it when you have your mom's mom on speed dial? Insta-gram
- Why can't blondes dial 911? They can't find the number eleven on the phone.
Delightful Fun Dials Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about dials you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean calls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dials pranks.
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?""No," replied the trainee."It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"The trainee shouts back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!""No," replied the CEO indignantly."Good!" replied the trainee, and slams down the phone.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...
When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"
Two hunters were walking through the forest...
all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
Two men are walking in the woods...
...all of a sudden, one of them collapses. The other man dials 911 and says, "Help! I think my friend is dead!" The operator responds, "Sir, calm down. First of all, we need to make sure he is dead." There is a minute of silence and a loud thud before the man responds, "Okay, now what?"
Two hunters.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
What is a s**... b**... worst nightmare?
Pocket dials
A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that reads:
If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.
He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When they answered he said, I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?
The guy's first day at work.
He picks up the phone, dials the number and shouts:
"Get me one coffee and make it quick!"
The voice from phone says, "What do you want, do you know who you're talking to?"
"No I do not know."
"I'm the manager of this company, you idiot!"
"And do YOU know who are you talking to you imbecile??"
"No." the manager replies.
"Thank God!" The guy says, and hangs up.
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat.
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat. Nobody falls in the water. Nothing tells Crazy to call the police. Crazy quickly pulls out his phone and dials 911 and says: "Hi, I'm Crazy. I call for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water".
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
An elderly lady dials 911.
"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"
Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."
Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.
Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Harold comes back to the phone. 'OK,' he says nervously, 'what do I do next?'
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
I dropped my phone in a pitcher of beer this weekend...
Now it only drunk dials and does last call.
Sean Connery dials 911.....
Is this the polish.
Two men are walking through the woods
They hear some noise of some birds overhead. They point their guns in the air and take aim. One of the men takes a few steps forward to get a better view of the birds. He trips over a log and hits his head on a rock and immediately falls unconscious. The other man dials 9-1-1.
"9-1-1 what's your emergency"
"My friend...I think he's dead"
"Well why don't you make sure he's dead"
*\*Operator hears a bang\**
"I'm pretty sure he's dead now"
\--
Heard this as a kid-thought it was hilarious.
Wife's having a heart attack
A man comes home after a long hard day at work, and hears some sounds coming from his bedroom.
He hurried up the stairs and sees his wife in her bed, "I think I'm having a heart attack" she says in a panicked voice. The man rushes downstairs and dials 911 and goes to tell the operator what the problem is.
His 4 year old son comes down the stairs and says "daddy, uncle joe is n**... in your closet". Angrily, the man slams the phone down and hurried up the stairs, swings open the closet door and sees his brother sitting there n**.... "My wife is having a heart attack, and all you do is run around my house n**... scaring the kids!?"
New guy in big corporate
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day
of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.
