Dialed 911 Jokes
28 dialed 911 jokes and hilarious dialed 911 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dialed 911 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dialed 911 Short Jokes
Short dialed 911 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dialed 911 humour may include short call 911 jokes also.
- Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven. - A drunk man ran over a policeman, and immediately dials 911 - 911?
- Yes
- Well, now you're 910. - police and public Caller: Dials in 911 Hello officer, I broke my arm in 3 places!
Officer: Then stop going to those places. - Why can't a blonde dial 911 She can't find the eleven.
Not sure if someone already posted this joke but a friend told me so I had to post it. - Q: Why don’t Oregon fans use 911 in an emergency? A: Because they can’t find "eleven" on the phone dial.
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Dialed 911 One Liners
Which dialed 911 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dialed 911? I can suggest the ones about 911 calls and 911 emergency.
- Sean Connery dials 911..... Is this the polish.
- Why can't a blonde dial 911? You can't dial a question mark
- George Bush woke up to hear a burgular downstairs. So he dialed 9/11
Howlingly Hilarious Dialed 911 Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about dialed 911 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 911 operator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dialed 911 pranks.
Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...
When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"
Two men are walking in the woods...
...all of a sudden, one of them collapses. The other man dials 911 and says, "Help! I think my friend is dead!" The operator responds, "Sir, calm down. First of all, we need to make sure he is dead." There is a minute of silence and a loud thud before the man responds, "Okay, now what?"
Two hunters.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says 911, whats your emergency? The hunter replies My friend just passed out and I don't know what to do! I think he might be dead! The emergency responder replies Before you do anything, make sure he is dead. The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says Ok, now what?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one only works if you're familiar with New Orleans
A man was walking down the street when he came upon a guy lying face down in the gutter. Not knowing if the guy was passed out or dead, he dials 911…
Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Man: I've come upon a body lying in the gutter. He could be dead or passed out, I'm not sure
Operator: we'll send a patrol car, what's your location?
Man (looking up at the street sign): I'm on T Soup… No, I'm on T choopsol… No no, I'm on Toolsoulp…. No. d**.... Give me a few minutes. I'm gonna drag the body to Magazine and call you back!
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat.
Nobody, Nothing, and Crazy go on a boat. Nobody falls in the water. Nothing tells Crazy to call the police. Crazy quickly pulls out his phone and dials 911 and says: "Hi, I'm Crazy. I call for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water".
An elderly lady dials 911.
"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"
Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."
Two men are hiking in the woods.
Suddenly, one of the them drops to the ground and doesn't appear to be breathing.
Luckily, the other man has his cell phone and dials 911.
"911! 911! My friend is dead! What should I do?" he asks.
"Slow down," the operator says. "Don't worry, okay? Now, let's make sure he's actually dead, okay?"
The operator hears silence, and then a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon. Then the man's voice comes back on the line.
"Okay, now what?"
Blonde Jokes
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? You pull the pin and throw it back!
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because they can't find the 11.
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
Now your turn!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama's so s**......
That when she got into an accident and needed to dial 911 she couldn't find eleven.
A man stops to ask directions from a farmer sitting on his porch and is amazed to see a three-legged pig sitting at the farmer's feet.
"That's a weird-looking pig," the man says. The farmer is furious. "Don't you ever say anything bad about this pig!" he says. "Just last week my wife and I were sleeping, and a fire broke out. This pig dragged us both to safety. Last month a robber broke into the house. The pig knocked him down, dialed 911 with his snout and sat on him until the police arrived. So don't ever say anything bad about him."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "But what's the deal with the three legs?"
"Mister," the farmer says, "a pig like this you don't eat all at once."
The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.
She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"
The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.
The operator asked, "The officer wants to know what kind of car you are stuck in."
The blonde replied, "It's a convertible."
The operator said, "I'd imagine there are many convertibles in that lot, which one are you?"
Exasperated, the blonde shouted, "The one with the top down!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife's having a heart attack
A man comes home after a long hard day at work, and hears some sounds coming from his bedroom.
He hurried up the stairs and sees his wife in her bed, "I think I'm having a heart attack" she says in a panicked voice. The man rushes downstairs and dials 911 and goes to tell the operator what the problem is.
His 4 year old son comes down the stairs and says "daddy, uncle joe is n**... in your closet". Angrily, the man slams the phone down and hurried up the stairs, swings open the closet door and sees his brother sitting there n**.... "My wife is having a heart attack, and all you do is run around my house n**... scaring the kids!?"
There are three friends in a boat...
There are three friends in a boat and their names are Nobody, Nothing and Crazy. While the three friends were sailing on their boat, a huge wave strikes the boat and Nobody was taken by the wave and thrown into the ocean. After seeing his good friend in danger of losing his life, Nothing quickly turns to Crazy and says "Hurry up and call the police!". Crazy then proceeds to dial 911 and the dispatcher answers and asks him what the problem is. Crazy yells, "Help, I am calling for Nothing because Nobody fell into the ocean!". Dumbfounded, the dispatcher asks, "Excuse me sir, but are you crazy?". To this Crazy responds, "Yes, how did you know?".
A very successful lawyer buys a new Ferrari...
He parks in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too close and completely tears the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up to take a report.
Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically. His Ferrari, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally winds down from his ranting and raving, the officer shakes his head in disgust.
"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "All you care about is money and your possessions."
The lawyer unleashes a stream of obscenities before the officer can calm him down.
"Hear me out...see, you are so worried about your car, you didn't even notice that the accident took off your left arm."
"Oh my god!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hiking...
Two men are hiking in a forest when suddenly, the other man falls down. "Oh my God!", his friend exclaims. He quickly dials 911. He gets connected to an operater. "This is 911, what is your emergency?" "Me and my buddy were hiking and he suddenly fell down! His eyes are glazed and he isn't moving!" "Calm down, sir. Everything will be okay. Now, can you make sure he is dead?"
There is a brief silence on the line, then a gunshot is heard in the background. "Okay, now what?"
A hunter and his friend.....
A hunter and his friend have been camping in the woods for a few days. One day, however, the hunter noticed his friend was sleeping for a very long time. He repeatedly tries to wake him up, but fails each time. He then runs to the cabin near him and dials 911. He says to the operator: "I think my friend is dead!" The operator thinks for a moment, and then says: " Make sure he is really dead, and not just sleeping." There is silence, and then the operator hears a loud bang. The hunter picks up the phone again: "Ok, now what?"
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust.
"I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"