Diagnosed With Jokes
136 diagnosed with jokes and hilarious diagnosed with puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diagnosed with that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Diagnosed With Short Jokes
Short diagnosed with jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diagnosed with humour may include short diagnosed jokes also.
- TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
- Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
- Just been diagnosed with the dreaded 'Peek-a-Boo virus'...
I'm being transferred to ICU. - My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD. Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.
- I just got diagnosed with color blindness. I gotta say this diagnosis came out of the orange.
- I found out how vaccines cause autism, Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.
- Cat with mental disorder The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.
She now have 45 lives. - I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. There is no cure.
- My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
- A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.
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Diagnosed With One Liners
Which diagnosed with one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diagnosed with? I can suggest the ones about cured and medical condition.
- I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.
- I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giant… Feefiphobia…
- My doctor diagnosed me with "Autocorrect Syndrome" I didn't even know I was I'll.
- I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants. Fee-fi-phobia.
- My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's. At least it isn't cancer.
- What kind of cancer was Jar Jar diagnosed with? Meesathelioma.
- I was just diagnosed with colorblindness The result came completely out of the purple
- I've just been diagnosed as Colorblind.. I know, it certainly has come out of the purple.
- Robin hood went to see a doctor... ...he was diagnosed with Menintightis.
- I was diagnosed with color blindness the other day. It really came out of the purple.
- My doctor diagnosed me with Onomatopoeia.... It's exactly what it sounds like.
- I've recently been diagnosed as delusional.
- Who was the first man diagnosed with erectile dysfunction? Cain.
He wasn't Abel. - Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19 Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days
- I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation. I'm scared shitless.
Diagnosed With Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about diagnosed with you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suspected jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diagnosed with pranks.
Eminem Coronavirus joke
Apparently, Eminem is rumored to be diagnosed with Coronavirus
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...
Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.
Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...
Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
I got a call from my brother the other day...
I found out he was diagnosed with an intense fear of wanting to have s**... with other men; Homonymphobia. Which really freaked me out because I have a fear of words that sound the same but mean different things.
Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.
It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.
My wife went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with the broken-vacuum-cleaner syndrome
It means that they make a ton of noise and don't s**... anymore.
I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression.
Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
A woman tells her husband she was diagnosed with cancer.
Her husband tells he's very sad and sorry for her. Once they get to bed, the wife asks:
'Honey, when I'll be... dead, will you marry someone else?' The husband thinks for a while. 'No.'
'Why not? Don't you like being married?' 'If you want me to, then yes.' 'Will she sleep in my part of the bed?' she asks mournfully. 'I guess she will.' answers the husband. 'Will you replace all my photos?' 'Of course not, I'll keep the ones I love most.' 'Will she drive my car?' 'No, she doesn't have a driver's licence.'
Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once?
I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Wife says to husband.
Wife: I can't believe it, first I am diagnosed with dyslexia.
Now I have tiny t**....
Husband: Tinnitus babe Tinnitus..
My chameleon couldn't change colors, so I took him to the vet…
Poor guy was diagnosed with ereptile dysfunction.
My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression.
I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.
I've been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I'm an airport building.
Hope it's not terminal.
I was diagnosed with insomnia and it's made me quite sad.
But ok the upside, only three more sleeps until Christmas!
I was diagnosed with Narcissictic Personality Disorder...
....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.
OCD
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
I was recently diagnosed with mesothelioma
it's tough sometimes, but I'm doing asbestos I can.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with ADD ( attention deficit disorder ) ...
I always suspected I had it, but I never paid any attention to it before.
When my granddad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I can still remember the very first thing I said to him.
Have you got that five grand I lent you?
Where do Jewish kids go when they are diagnosed with ADD?
Concentration camps
My grandpa was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease....
which is good because he likes to meet new people.
I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's seven years ago
But it feels like it was just yesterday
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
I was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year
Which is great, I can finally make cancer jokes without feeling bad about it
My friends' girlfriend gets diagnosed with cancer..
He proposed to her on the spot. See ladies, it's not that men can't be spontaneous and romantic, we just don't like long term commitment
The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.
My life has been pretty uneventful since.
I have recently been diagnosed with colorblindness
That really came out of the purple
I'm bummed out because i was just diagnosed with alzheimer's
at least I don't have alzheimer's
Doctor knows best.
Doctor : you have been diagnosed with obesity
Me : I know it runs in the family
Doctor : nobody runs in your family.
I was diagnosed with colour blindness yesterday.
The news came out of the purple.
Wife says to husband.
Wife: I can't believe it, first I am diagnosed with dyslexia.
Then I find out I have tiny t**....
Husband: Tinnitus babe Tinnitus..
The Rock and his family just got diagnosed with Covid-19
No one at his home can smell what he's cooking tonight.
"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."
"No whey, man."
A man diagnosed with t**... cancer...
A man diagnosed with t**... cancer tells his family of the bad news, he starts:
"It pains me to say this..."
It is with a heavy heart that I want to announce
That I've been diagnosed with Cardiomegaly.
A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works
It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.
I've just been diagnosed with Sausagephobia...
...I fear the Wurst.
I got diagnosed with tourettes today
guess it's time to tic that off my to-do list.
I've just been diagnosed with Gloria Gaynor disease...
At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Until the doc told me that I will survive.
What did the Redhead get diagnosed with at the Dentist?
Gingervitus
My mother used to say, "If it wouldn't matter after 5 years, don't worry about it."
Apparently, that's not a very good thing to say to someone recently diagnosed with cancer.
I thought everything in my life was hard...
And then I was diagnosed with Erectile Dysfunction
I was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Cancer
The cancer s**..., but at least I don't have Alzheimer's!
Wait
No
I do
I can feel the edges of my mind unraveling; each piece, once so firmly put together, slowly falling away from my grasp. To know that the mind, the seat of who you are, can simply... disintegrate, like a mighty sandcastle in the tide...
Well, at least I don't have cancer.
I walked into the psychiatrist office the other day with a penguin and an ice bear
Got diagnosed with being bipolar :(
What do you call two friends who have both been diagnosed with Mesothelioma?
Asbesties
I was just diagnosed with colorblindness...
I was so surprised, it just came out of the green!
The influencer was diagnosed with paranoia.
He believed nobody was following him.
My friend told he's been diagnosed with h**..., and has to go for a retest to confirm the results.
I told him to stay positive.
The p**...
A p**... is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.
She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."
He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."
I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.
Unfortunately there is no cure.
I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian...
My psychiatrist named it "atsalottaphobia."
I was just told I've been diagnosed with autism
I'm not sure how to react to that
Alzheimer's
An older woman was awaiting the results of a medical exam when her doctor informed her of some upsetting news. "I'm afraid you've got stage 4 cancer."
"Oh my god!" she shrieked.
"That's not all. To make matters worse, you have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease." he said.
She took a moment to process the news. After a few moments passed, relieved, she says "Well thank god I don't have cancer."
My wife got diagnosed with Alzeihmers and Parkinsons last week.
I've been getting 8 wanks a day.
My friend told me that he was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I bought him a snickers
Just been diagnosed with Swedish flat pack syndrome.
Sadly I have no IKEA what it means.
I've been diagnosed with paranoia today.
If you ask me, this is only supposed to give me a false sense of security.
A new study found that an overwhelming majority of architects are seeing psychiatrists
Most being diagnosed with an edifice complex.
A man was diagnosed with cancer.
Man: "Wow, Doc, how bad is it?"
Doctor: "Well, you're at the extreme end of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. You've only got about 3 months to live."
Man: "Oh no! Is there anything I can do?"
Doctor: "Well, I'd suggest moving to Arkansas and becoming a pig farmer."
Man: "Really? That would cure my cancer?"
Doctor: "Oh no, of course not. But it will be the longest three months of your life."
How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer?
She was in udder disbelief.
[True] A while back I was diagnosed with a benign brain lesion. I was distraught. to make light of the situation...
You really have to have a good sense of tumor. Laughter is cancerous.
What happened to Chef Boyardee after he was diagnosed with a terminal illness?
*He pastaway.*