Following is our collection of funniest Diagnose jokes. There are some diagnose hypochondria jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these diagnose identify puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Hope it's not terminal.
...I fear the Wurst.
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using cocaine.
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.
The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."
Doctor: Well, those results look bad...
Patient: How bad are they?
Doctor: It depends, how old are you?
Patient: I will be 24 soon.
Doctor: Pffff, no you won't.
I asked the doctor if it was a rare condition.
"It's not unusual".
I have mixed feelings about it.
And it's making me sick.
I was so surprised, it just came out of the green!
Good to see I'm not the only one with low standards.
The news came out of the purple.
You can explore diagnose analyze reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean diagnose fix dad jokes. There are also diagnose puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Adenocarcinoma
Hypochondria. If you think you have it, you are right.
I know, it certainly has come out of the purple.
I'm scared shitless.
Guy: doctor, I've been hearing voices. Can you help?
Doctor: I'll try to diagnose but I can clearly see your nuts
Now I'm sad
The doctor diagnosed me with kyphosis. 85 degree curvature.
I had my suspicions for a while, but the diagnosis proved to me that it wasn't just a hunch.
But it feels like it was just yesterday
There is no cure.
Guess I'm gettimg rusty in my old age
She said she didn't know who I was anymore.
It came right out of the purple.
Which is great, I can finally make cancer jokes without feeling bad about it
He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"
Turns out, my car has cancer.
The result came completely out of the purple
It's awful, but at least I don't have amnesia!
Feefiphobiaβ¦
It's not unusual.
Unfortunately there is no cure.
But don't worry, I'm taking something for it.
....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.
He doesn't know how to feel.
And I'm fairly tired of it now at this stage
I was surprised because It came straight out of the purple
I gotta say this diagnosis came out of the orange.
I didn't expect that - it came straight out of the purple!
So I can tell you whats wrong with you, says the doctor.
But ok the upside, only three more sleeps until Christmas!
Apparently, Eminem is rumored to be diagnosed with Coronavirus
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
I'm scared to get insulin shots, what should I do?
Therapist: I see, I diagnose you with BTSD.
We offer high speed WiFi.
Apparently there are multiple personalities inside of me fighting their way out.
I would take them all over my ex-wife's one!
If you ask me, this is only supposed to give me a false sense of security.
...then I thought, without professional advice its best not to make any rash decisions.
It really came out of the purple
Now i'm feeling purple
A man went to the doctor and said that he wanted to commit suicide.
The doctor, visibly surprised, asked, "why?"
The man said, "When I touch my finger to my body, it hurts. When I touch it to my head, it hurts. When I touch to my feet it hurts. What will I do living with so much pain?"
After a lot of investigation, the doctor diagnosed, that the man actually had a fractured finger.
10....because one less would benign.
I can't imagine how it's going to affect my life really.
I'm being transferred to ICU.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the diagnose doc jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working diagnose abscess piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.