The Best 43 Diabetic Jokes

This article offers a collection of jokes about diabetes.

Top 10 Funniest Diabetic Jokes and Puns

I am both dyslexic and diabetic...

So needless to say I fell in love with the idea of "All You Can Eat Carb Legs".

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

Hitler is walking in an extermination camp with the camp manager..

"Why is there such a sweet smell in the air?" Hitler asked.
"Today we're burning the diabetic" answered the manager.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

jokes about diabetic

I saw a commercial this afternoon advertising a "certified diabetic shoe fitter."

I really hope he remembers to take his insulin.

What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date?

I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.

The Eddie Izzard Diabetic Suicide Prevention Hotline


Diabetic joke, The Eddie Izzard Diabetic Suicide Prevention Hotline

What does a diabetic elf need?


I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk.

He lacks toes and tolerance.

What do you tell a diabetic girl in bed?

Hi sugar

Why cant diabetics have vengeance?

Because vengeance is sweet.

You can explore diabetic insulin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean diabetic blood dad jokes. There are also diabetic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

An Indian diabetic wasn't following his diet...

You could say that he was naan-compliant.

So, my feminist cousin is diabetic and recently, her legs were amputated... to say, she won't be jumping to conclusions anytime soon.

Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?

Because he was so good at pumping.

My friend is a diabetic...

My friend is a diabetic, he had his first cupcake today, it sure was a sweet way to go.

I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets

It'll cost me an arm and a leg.

(It's ok for me to post this, cos I am actually a diabetic)

Diabetic joke, I'm diabetic, and I can't eat sweets

What does a guy call his diabetic girlfriend?

Sweet Pee

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."

"Sure thing, sweet pee."

I lost 10 lbs a week!! My secret???

Turns out I'm diabetic...

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

Laughter is the best medicine.

Unless you're diabetic, then insulin is pretty high on the list.

A diabetic friend

I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."

After a year long struggle, my diabetic uncle just had both legs amputated below the ankle....

I guess you could say he was de-feeted.

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.

I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

Why can't diabetics get revenge?

Because revenge is sweet.

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?


Diabetic joke, If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?

My mum always hated my dad for using thousands of dollars to shoot drugs up his arm.

I kept telling her he was diabetic but she didn't care

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..

"Did someone mention takeaway?"

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?


What do you call a cow with 1 leg

My diabetic aunt

Class trip to the coca-cola company factory

I hope there's no pop quiz

Cause I'm diabetic

What does a diabetic person pee


You can call a diabetic a cripple because

they're candicapped

What do you call a diabetic patient after surgery?

I lack toes.

What do you call diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks you can't prove or disprove the existence of God?

A diagnostic.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

It sucks if you are diabetic.

What is black and smells like caramel?

A diabetic after a flat fire

I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class.

He said "Piece of Cake"

How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle

Candy Bars

A doctor flirted with me today, she said I was really sweet!

I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said you're severely diabetic but I know what she meant. She said I'm type 2 and I told her she's my type too

What do you never tell your diabetic son?

Sweet dreams.

My bro asked what's it like being diabetic?

I said it has its highs and lows I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said it has its ups and downs

What is the worst type of doctor for a diabetic?


Dr. Pepper.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the diabetic blood pressure puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working diabetic type 1 diabetes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes