The Best 90 Diabetes Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Diabetes jokes. There are some diabetes wafer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these diabetes severe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Diabetes Jokes and Puns

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes

It will be titled "Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"

If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have?

Diabetes. John has diabetes.

Diabetes joke, If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have?

Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?

Billy has diabetes.

What did Santa get the day after Christmas?


What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk? Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk?


An Englishman, a German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert.

The Englishman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have some tea!"
The German says "I'm so thirsty, I must have ze beer!"
The Frenchman says "I'm so thirsty, I must 'ave some wine!"
The Jewish guy says "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes!"

Diabetes joke, An Englishman, a German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert.

So my cousin came up to me the other day and told me he has diabetes.

I asked him how in the world that could happen to him.
He replied, "Easy, it was a piece of cake."

Which knight of the round table had Diabetes?

Sir Lance-a-lot

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

Yo mama is so fat that...

...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem

You can explore diabetes sugarcoat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean diabetes hypertension dad jokes. There are also diabetes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

You know what they say about Type 2 Diabetes?

The treatment costs an arm and a leg.

Black people are way more susceptible to diabetes. That's not racist, it's a medical fact.

Now if I said "hide your wallets, there's diabetes patients around here," that would be racist.

If I have 3 cakes and I eat 2, what do I have?


I'll see myself out

A Frenchman, a German, a Russian, and a Jew walk into a bar.

The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a glass of wine?"

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a pint of beer?"

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a shot of vodka?"

The Jew wonders, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have diabetes?"

Welfare is like diabetes

If Momma had it, her babies probably will too

Diabetes joke, Welfare is like diabetes

Jack & Jill Went In To Town.....

To buy some chips and sweeties.

Now Jack can't keep his heart rate down
and Jill has Diabetes

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...

Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes

My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

Yo mama so fat

It is a serious problem. She is suffering from diabetes, and your father dosen't find her attractive anymore, putting their marrige in danger

How did the doctor tell his patient he has diabetes?

He didn't sugar coat it

My dad is in the hospital, he needed to get some toes amputated because of his diabetes.

He's been good about it. He says he's lactose intolerant.

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

I saw the add on page one. I dont have a reason to stand for cancer.

But I do have a reason to sit for diabetes.

They should rename type 1 and type 2 diabetes... not your fault and your fault diabetes

My doctor told me my soda consumption was the cause of my diabetes...

so I switched to diet soda, and now I only have diet-betes.

Bob has 50 cookies. He eats 45. What does he have now?


Bob has diabetes.

I've stopped dating this girl I met at the Diabetes Camp.

Turns out she isn't really my type.

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."

"Sure thing, sweet pee."

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?

Andy has diabetes

My Grandpa has really bad diabetes

He already has one foot in the grave.

Kids living outside of the US won't get this.

Type 2 diabetes.

My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes

He didn't sugarcoat it.

Why did the american Werewolf go to london?

Because if he ate anyone in America he'd get diabetes

I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family.

She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

If you have 13 candy bars and John eats 9, what does John have?

Type 2 diabetes

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have

Type II Diabetes

My girlfriend has hayfever and diabetes

I try to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate, but she doesn't appreciate it.

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

My uncle told me to cut down on sugar, or I'd get diabetes and they'd cut my foot off.

Told 'em I wouldn't stand for it.

I use to call my wife "my sweet"

She developed diabetes.. So now I call her "my sweetener"

Life is like a box of chocolates

If you have Diabetes, it probably won't be good for you.

Ben has 911 candies. He eats 420. What does he have now?

Ben has diabetes.

If you put your ear to a seashell, you can hear the sea.

If you put your ear to a can of soda, you can hear the diabetes.

My parents were nice people. They shared everything with me and my 4 siblings.

Food, presents, love, diabetes...

Jim has 2 candy bars. His grandma gives him 10 more. What does Jim have now?

Diabetes. Jim has diabetes.

Tim has 12 chocolate bars. He eats seven of them. What does he have now?

Diabetes, and Bad self control.

There's a new diabetes medication that may lead to amputation.

Patients have also complained about the price of the medication. I guess it costs an arm and a leg.

Diabetes runs in my family...

Because no one else does.

Doctor: I don't know how to sugarcoat this have diabetes.

I have a friend that recently lost 45 pounds!

Well I say she lost 45 pounds. She lost a leg to diabetes.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

Diabetes runs in my family

...well, I say runs.

Your mom's so fat she gave Dracula diabetes.

That's all.

They say you shrink when you get older

My grandma lost a foot in her old age, but i think it had something to do with diabetes.

I was just on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

Sometimes I think it's my fault my dog died from diabetes

Pouring syrup over his dog bones was never good idea, especially at his wake.

How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?

It's a piece of cake!

Diabetes is a great way to lose weight.

Your average foot weighs a couple pounds..

My mother in-law has diabetes and hay fever

I like to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate.

Your mama's so fat

The only D she's getting is Diabetes.

I was reunited with my best friend, Cara, after suffering from diabetes for a while.

I missed you Cara Mel.

Time heals all wounds

Unless you have type 2 diabetes.

People who lose limbs to diabetes don't really have much hope afterwards...

They've got one foot in the grave.

Yo Mama's so fat...

She's got type *three* diabetes.

Boy: You can't spell sugar with u :)


Your Momma so fat.......

Her flesh eating disease got diabetes.

Patient: Doctor, tell me, what's wrong with me?

Doctor: I'm not going to sugar-coat it, you have diabetes.

My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes

At least that's a sweet way to go.

In math class:

Bill has 40 bars of chocolate. He eats 35. What does he have now?

Me: Diabetes.

Diabetes doesn't care about your morality

It cares about your molarity

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?


What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

*I waited an entire year to say this*

Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?


The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.

"What did you find?"

"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?


What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

My boyfriend got diagnosed with diabetes.

Now he wants me to call him my sugar daddy.

I just thought of this now and I don't have time to fix it into a proper joke but... What's the easiest way for a person with type 1 diabetes to lose it?

Eat enough to get type 2

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?


What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?


Did you really expect me to make a pie joke on my cake day? No, you get diabetes. All of them at the same time.

A Frenchman, a German and an American walk into a bar

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the Frenchman, "I must have wine!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the German, "I must have beer!"

"I'm tired and thirsty", said the American, "I must have diabetes..."

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes. You get Diabetes.

Did you think I'd make a pi joke on my cake day?

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?


I was on a diabetes awareness website...

It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!

I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying

He has diabetes

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis... I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?


What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.

If Johnny has 10 candy bars and he eats 7 what does he have?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the diabetes nausea jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working diabetes diabetic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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