Diabetes Jokes
99 diabetes jokes and hilarious diabetes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about diabetes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a new way to laugh at the struggles of diabetes type 1? Check out these humorous diabetes jokes, ranging from dark humor to the harsh reality of dealing with anorexia, sugarcoat and gavisgone!
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Funniest Diabetes Short Jokes
Short diabetes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The diabetes humour may include short diabetic jokes also.
- What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes? Diabetes.
Did you really expect me to make a pie joke on my cake day? No, you get diabetes. All of them at the same time. - I was just on a diabetes information website... It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
- Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes.
Billy has diabetes. - I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family. She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."
- I was on a diabetes awareness website... It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!
- Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem
- What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes? You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/
- If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year? Diabetes
- The problem isn't that diabetes runs in the family. The problem is no one runs in the family
- I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class. He said "Piece of Cake"
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Diabetes One Liners
Which diabetes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with diabetes? I can suggest the ones about blood sugar and obesity.
- What do you call someone with both Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes Ambidextrose
- What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.
- What do you get when you eat 3.14 slice of cake? Diabetes.
- Why cant diabetics have vengeance? Because vengeance is sweet.
- What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive? Incelin
- What did Santa get the day after Christmas? Diabetes
- Diabetes runs in my family... Because no one else does.
- What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes? Sweet Pee
- If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does John have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.
- What do you never tell your diabetic son? Sweet dreams.
- If you have 13 candy bars and John eats 9, what does John have? Type 2 diabetes
- Your Momma so fat....... Her flesh eating disease got diabetes.
- Why can't diabetics get revenge? Because revenge is sweet.
- Kids living outside of the US won't get this. Type 2 diabetes.
- I told my son to have sweat dreams, but he started crying He has diabetes
Type 2 Diabetes Jokes
Here is a list of funny type 2 diabetes jokes and even better type 2 diabetes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just thought of this now and I don't have time to fix it into a proper joke but... What's the easiest way for a person with type 1 diabetes to lose it? Eat enough to get type 2
- Paula Deen is set to release memoirs about life with Type 2 diabetes It will be titled "Paula Deen - For Butter or Worse"
- You know what they say about Type 2 Diabetes? The treatment costs an arm and a leg.
- They should rename type 1 and type 2 diabetes... ...to not your fault and your fault diabetes
- Time heals all wounds Unless you have type 2 diabetes.
- Yo Mama so fat Yo mama so fat, she got type 2 diabetes and died of a heart attack at the age of 45
- My girlfriend's kisses are so sweet that I probably have type 2 diabetes.
Diabetes Type 1 Jokes
Here is a list of funny diabetes type 1 jokes and even better diabetes type 1 puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Friend : I have got Diabetes type 1 Me : 1
He blocked me, no idea what wrong I did. - What is the Diabetes type 1 theme song? Wake me up before you go go,
I don't wanna die of going too low.
Harsh Diabetes Jokes
Here is a list of funny harsh diabetes jokes and even better harsh diabetes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor told me quite harshly that I have to quit eating sweets if I want to avoid diabetes He didn't sugarcoat it.
Heartwarming Diabetes Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about diabetes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make diabetes pranks.
Yo mama so fat, Dracula s**... her blood and got diabetes.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes
And It cost me an arm and a leg.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
I am both dyslexic and diabetic...
So needless to say I fell in love with the idea of "All You Can Eat Carb Legs".
A policeman pulls over a driver...
for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.
What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk? Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk?
Diabetes
An Englishman, a German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy are lost in the desert.
The Englishman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have some tea!"
The German says "I'm so thirsty, I must have ze beer!"
The Frenchman says "I'm so thirsty, I must 'ave some wine!"
The Jewish guy says "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes!"
Apparently, my joke about diabetics is pretty insensitive...
...kind of like their pancreases
h**... is walking in an extermination camp with the camp manager..
"Why is there such a sweet smell in the air?" h**... asked.
"Today we're burning the diabetic" answered the manager.
What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date?
I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.
What does a diabetic elf need?
Tinselin
A Frenchman, a German, a Russian, and a Jew walk into a bar.
The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a glass of wine?"
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a pint of beer?"
The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have a shot of v**...?"
The Jew wonders, "I'm tired and thirsty. Could I have diabetes?"
Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition?
Because he was so good at pumping.
On a scale from Casey Anthony to j**... Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...
Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes
My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.
I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates
A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.
Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a u**... sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your u**.... You're diabetic." She says.
Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."
"Sure thing, sweet pee."
Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes
NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.
b**..., I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic
Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.
I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you're diabetic, then insulin is pretty high on the list.
True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.
Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.
A diabetic friend
I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."
After a year long struggle, my diabetic uncle just had both legs amputated below the ankle....
I guess you could say he was de-feeted.
Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.
I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.
What does a diabetic's blood taste like?
Sweet irony
Ben has 911 candies. He eats 420. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
Ben has diabetes.
There's a common saying that for most people, life is short but sweet
But for some diabetics, life is sweet but short.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?
diabetic
Why is there no cure for diabetes?
Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.
My mum always hated my dad for using thousands of dollars to shoot drugs up his arm.
I kept telling her he was diabetic but she didn't care
After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.
After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.
"It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"
How easy is it to kill someone with diabetes?
It's a piece of cake!
Class trip to the coca-cola company factory
I hope there's no pop quiz
Cause I'm diabetic
My doctor told me that I may die due to diabetes
At least that's a sweet way to go.
Bob has 69 candy bars. He eats 42 of them and then stops eating. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.
A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.
"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,
"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.
"What did you find?"
"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."
How do you beat a diabetic rapper in a rap battle
Candy Bars
A doctor flirted with me today, she said I was really sweet!
I think she meant I was really sweet, she worded it differently and said you're severely diabetic but I know what she meant. She said I'm type 2 and I told her she's my type too
A Frenchman, a German and an American walk into a bar
"I'm tired and thirsty", said the Frenchman, "I must have wine!"
"I'm tired and thirsty", said the German, "I must have beer!"
"I'm tired and thirsty", said the American, "I must have diabetes..."
Toughest time of my Life
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis... I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
My bro asked what's it like being diabetic?
I said it has its highs and lows I asked him what it was like to have Bipolar disorder, he said it has its ups and downs
Free Organic Pathologist Test
Go upto a tree and take a leak:
* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.
I'm so fat and poor that...
I only have one diabete.
If Johnny has 10 candy bars and he eats 7 what does he have?
Diabetes
Ray Charles went to the doctor.
Doctor said, "I got good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"
Ray says, "Give me the bad."
Doctor says, "Well Mr. Charles because of your diabetes we have to amputate your left leg."
Ray, "d**.... Well what's the good news?"
Doctor clears his t**... and sings, "Uh huh, uh huh, you got the right one baby!"
I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes...
Doctor: It sounds like diabetes.