Detroit Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.

The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

Why does the population of Detroit never change?

Because as soon as a baby is born, some guy leaves town.

Apparently, someone in Detroit gets stabbed every 52 secconds

Poor bastard

Detroit is a such a dangerous city...

You can't even let your kids out at night.
The might rob someone.

Life without farms.

The teacher asked "What sound do pigs make?"

Little Tyrone stood up and said
"FREEZE MOTHA FUCKER!"

I guess there's not many farms in Detroit.

Apparently someone in Detroit gets stabbed every 3 minutes.

Poor bastard.

I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"

...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

At a Detroit Kindergarten

Teacher: what does the dog say?

Students: woof woof.

T: what does the horse say?

S: neigh neigh

T: what does the pig say?

S: hands on the head, on the floor, motherfucker!

Not a Latvian joke

Lost job and no money for buy potato.

Also is cold.

Regret immigrate to Detroit.

me "Please to meet you, I am from East Detroit"

Other person: "Oh my gawd, have you ever seen someone get shot"

Me: "No I close my eyes when I pull the trigger"

Why wasn't Jesus born in Detroit?

Because God couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.

He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"

David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"

Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."

"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."

Shower Sex in Detroit

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, sex in the shower. The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.

Who's your daddy?

A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.

Some people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates.

A group of people from Detroit walk up to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter is confused, as no one from Detroit has ever arrived there. He leaves to speak to God.

"There are some people from Detroit here. What should I do?"

God thinks for a moment. "The usual, I suppose. Ask what they've done to get into Heaven."

Saint Peter goes back to question the people, but comes running back moments afterword.

"They're gone!" He exclaims.

"The people?" Asks God.

"No, the Pearly Gates!"

I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend...

and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."

So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...

"I hope this helps."

A Kindergarten teacher in Detroit asks her class what sound a pig makes...

A boy in the back of the class stands up and yells, "FREEZE MOTHA FUCKA"

Prostitutes

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She replies, "Well, most of them become taxi drivers."

Someone threw a dollar coin at the Mayor of Detroit

Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.

Must be read with an Italian accent

One day Ima gonna go to Detroit to a bigga hotel. Ina morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her "I wanna two piss on my plate." She says "you better not piss on the plate, you sonna na bitch." I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna na bitch.

Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tells me "everyone wanna fock." I tella her, "you no understand, I wanna fock on the table." She say "you better not fock on the table, you sonna na bitch."

So I go back to my room ina hotel and there isa no shits ona my bed. I calla the manager and tella him "I wanna shit." He tella me to go to the toilet. I say "you no understand, I wanna shit ina the bed." He say "you better no shit on the bed, you sonna na bitch."

I go to the check out and the man at the desk say "Peace to you." I say "piss on you too, you sonna na bitch!" I gonna go back to Italy.

Why did all the Black people move to Detroit?

Because they heard there were no jobs there.

A woman and her son are in a cab

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

What do you call a group of people who are trying to rebuild after a major disaster?

The Detroit Tigers.

Shower Sex in Detroit

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower. In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.

A man is about to have sex with his lady.

The lady turns to the man and says, "I want you to fuck me in the shit hole." So the man brought her to Detroit.

When Transformers was filmed in Detroit

Michael Bay had to use CGI to repair buildings

A teacher asks her class what noise a pig makes...

Lil Tyrone raises his hand and says "Freeze mothafucka!"

I guess there aren't any farms in Detroit.

What is the people mover in Detroit?

A bulldozer.

What do Detroit and the Olympics have in common?

You hear a gunshot and see a bunch of black guys running

Where's the safest place for shelter during a tornado in Detroit?

The Pontiac Silverdome, there hasn't been a touchdown there in years.

Three year old goes to prison.

A police officer was investigating a noise complaint coming from a daycare in downtown Detroit. The officer realized that it was just a three year old kid kicking and screaming because he didn't want to nap during nap time. The officer charged the child with resisting a rest, and took him to prison.

Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit?

All the pairs of floating eyes

Did you know that shot sizes are different in different places?

In most of the US it's usually 50mL but in Detroit it's usually 9mm.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion

He's not allowed back into the Detroit Zoo.

How would Jesus die if he was born in Detroit?

In a crossfire.

Why are so many African Americans moving to Detroit?

Because they hear there are no jobs there.

Febreeze

Two men were urban exploring in the ruins of Detroit on a windy day. As they walked past the old factories, one man smelled a strange smell.

He said to his friend, "This smells like rusting iron.".

His friend replies, "I agree, it smells like FeBREEZE."

What is the most confusing holiday in Detroit?

Labor Day.

What do Billy Graham and the Detroit Lions have in common?

Both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell, "JESUS CHRIST!"

Good news for Detroit - a major TV show just signed to do filming there!

Unfortunately, it's Survivor.

What state is Detroit in?

A bad shape.

My son says that Detroit: Become Human wont run on his console

That's weird, everyone usually run so fast in Detroit...

What are the funniest detroit jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Detroit? Well, here are the best Detroit puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Detroit pick up lines to share with friends.

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