Detector Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.

It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everythingο»Ώ

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son

Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!

The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.

The robot slaps the mom...ο»Ώ

I had to turn off my carbon monoxide detector...

...The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value.

Beach better have my money

I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today

All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous

I hate going through airport security...

For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.

A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home

When the son comes home:

Dad - So you were at school right?

Son - yeah

Lie Detector - BEEP

Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends

Lie Detector - BEEP

Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends

Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol

Lie Detector - BEEP

Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son

Lie Detector - BEEP

My carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping

It's really giving me a headache

A scientist invents a lie detector

The machine is able to analyse speech patterns and detect lies, beeping whenever it detects a lie. To demonstrate it,he plays it a video of bill clinton, 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman', * beep*.

He takes it to the presidential debates, Hillary says " I am probably the best qualified woman for the job." *beep".
Trump seizes the moment and says " See, she's lying! Crooked Hillary, just like I said." Everyone waits, but there's no beep. Anderson Cooper turns to Trump and says, "Mr. Trump, your response",

Trump says " I think..." *beep*

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.

A pretty poor man man walks into a bar.

He goes and sits at the bar before turning to the bar man.

'I only got a pound on me mate, anything I can get with that?'

'No,' says the bar man. 'But you can attempt a challenge for free drinks for the rest of the night.'

The poor man was up for it.

'Ok, so I'm gonna hook you up to this lie detector and you gotta try and make it get the wrong answer.' The bar man instructed.

So the poor man got hooked up to the lie detector.

'Off you go,' said the bar man.

'This lie detector will tell you that this is a lie.'

Nobody survived the following explosion.

Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

Cop: Is that a radar detector I see?

A cop pulled me over the other day for speeding.
After giving me the ticket, he teases me a bit about my out of state plate and the fact that I'm driving a car that's in my Dad's name.

He points to my dash and asks, "Is that a radar detector I see?"
Me: I don't know.
Cop: Is that a radar detector I see?
Me: I don't know it's my Dad's car. It's just always been there, but it does let me know every time I pass a Krispy Kreme.

He smirked, said, "Good one. Now slow down."

Dad bought a lie-detector to test his son.

"Son sit down... we have to talk, i have a lie detector here"
"Did you go to school today, son?"

"uh, yes" the son replied...
-BEEP- -BEEP-
"uh, no i watched a movie" he said quickly.

"right, what movie?" Asked the Dad

"Just some comedy"
-Beep- -Beep-
"Okay, it was, you know, a different movie, you know what i am talking about"

"No, I don't know" Said the dad.
-Beep- -Beep-

"Like you never watched those things when you were my age dad"

"No, i never watched it" The dad said blushing.
-Beep- -Beep-

"Well well well, like father like son, isn't it" Said the mother laughing.
-Beep- -Beep-

The police asked me if I would take a lie detector...

I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.

A man brought home a lie detector.

He told his family: "This robot will slap anyone that tells a lie."

 

During dinner,

Dad: "How was school, son?"

Son: "It was nice, we had to write an essay."

The robot slapped the son.

 

Son: "Ok, I skipped school to go to a friend's house."

The robot slapped the son again.

 

Son: "Fine! I went to a whorehouse!"

The robot did not do anything, but the dad was shocked.

Dad: "How could you? When I was your age I didn't even know what was a whorehouse!"

The robot slapped the dad.

 

The mum, who was angry at first, couldn't help but laugh and said, "Well, he is your son after all!"

Then the robot slapped the mum.

 

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".

The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!!

But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.

Hey girl are you a smoke detector?

Because I want to smash you.

Johnny's parents buy a lie detector.

Every time the detector hears a lie, it goes "BEEP!".
Johnny comes home from school and they ask him: "What grade did you get today?"

He says: "An A!"

BEEP!

Then he says: "OK, I got a C."

BEEP!

"Fine, I got an F."
His mom says: "Shame on you! When I went to school, I had straight As!"

BEEP!

Then the dad says: "When I went to school..."

BEEP!

Surprised, Johnny asks him: "Dad, you didn't go to school?!"
Dad says: "Don't yell at me like that! I'm your father!"

BEEP!

The Lie Detector

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.


Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.


Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

Lie detector

Matt is talking to his friend Paul in the bar and asks him have you ever seen one of those lie detector machines on t.v? They can tell when you're telling the truth or not

Paul exclaims Seen one? I'm married to one!

"Dave, have you ever seen a lie detector?"

"Seen it? I'm married to one!"

At the dinner table, mother shows the new lie detector she bought.

Mother: "Look, this device buzzes whenever it senses a lie"

Father: "Wow! Lets see! Hey son, what did you do today?"

Son: "Uhmm, I went to school."

*BUZZ*

Mother: "Ooh, you didn't go to class? Then what did you do?"

Son: "Alright, I watched a movie with a few friends"

Father: "Which movie?"

Son: "That new Star Wars movie"

*BUZZ*

Son (blushing): "Alright, we watched a -- well, a you-know-what movie...

Father: "Well well well son, this is very immature! At your age I didn't even know what that was!

*BUZZ*

Mother: "Haha, really a child of yours!"

*BUZZ*

I took the battery out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was annoying me with that infernal beeping noise.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

Didn't want it waking the wife and kids.

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Pavlov's science in action.

My dogs hate the sound of the smoke detector. They are absolutely terrified of it.

In fact, they are so afraid of it, that every time my wife turns on the oven, they go run and hide.

Did you hear about the Irish guy with a metal detector?

He dug 25 meters down where he discovered he was wearing steel toe cap boots

Golden Retriever.

...for sale. Has not yet retrieved any gold. May be a faulty model. Should of just bought a metal detector.

I took the batterys out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was beeping the whole week, and my roof told me to.

They installed a lie detector in the White House

Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping

I was detained at airport security, because the metal detector caught my braces...

I guess you could say I was armed to the teeth.

I bought a Carbon Dioxide detector and I think it's busted.

I can't even breathe without it going off.

My irony detector is defective.

It detects everything except irony.

Lie Detector Test

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.

Son: Okay I was watching Star Wars! The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Fine, I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom.

What are the funniest detector jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Detector? Well, here are the best Detector puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Detector pick up lines to share with friends.

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