The Best 50 Detector Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Detector jokes. There are some detector conscience jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these detector beep puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Detector Jokes and Puns

I hate going through airport security...

For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.

Golden Retriever.

...for sale. Has not yet retrieved any gold. May be a faulty model. Should of just bought a metal detector.

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Detector joke, What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

Pavlov's science in action.

My dogs hate the sound of the smoke detector. They are absolutely terrified of it.

In fact, they are so afraid of it, that every time my wife turns on the oven, they go run and hide.

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".


CERN's new budget-priced particle detector can't detect exotic particles

It's just the standard model.

I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value.

Beach better have my money

Detector joke, I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value.

What's the best way to watch the debates?

Keep one hand on your wallet and the other on the polygraph detector.

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son

Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!

The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.

The robot slaps the mom...ο»Ώ

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

Didn't want it waking the wife and kids.

You can explore detector kitkats reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean detector sniffer dad jokes. There are also detector puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I took the batterys out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was beeping the whole week, and my roof told me to.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

My irony detector is defective.

It detects everything except irony.

I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today

All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

Detector joke, I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!!

But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.

I was detained at airport security, because the metal detector caught my braces...

I guess you could say I was armed to the teeth.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everythingο»Ώ


I took the battery out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was annoying me with that infernal beeping noise.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

"Dave, have you ever seen a lie detector?"

"Seen it? I'm married to one!"

Did you hear about the Irish guy with a metal detector?

He dug 25 meters down where he discovered he was wearing steel toe cap boots

The police asked me if I would take a lie detector...

I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.

Lie detector

Matt is talking to his friend Paul in the bar and asks him have you ever seen one of those lie detector machines on t.v? They can tell when you're telling the truth or not

Paul exclaims Seen one? I'm married to one!

My carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping

It's really giving me a headache

A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home

When the son comes home:

Dad - So you were at school right?

Son - yeah

Lie Detector - BEEP

Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends

Lie Detector - BEEP

Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends

Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol

Lie Detector - BEEP

Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son

Lie Detector - BEEP

Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son again.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."

Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."

The robot slaps the father!

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.

Hey girl are you a smoke detector?

Because I want to smash you.

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

I bought a Carbon Dioxide detector and I think it's busted.

I can't even breathe without it going off.

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.

It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

They installed a lie detector in the White House

Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping

Why is my metal detector going off?

Someone's taking a shower and I am in Flint

The carbon monoxide detector is really annoying.

But hey, at least the kids are quiet.

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.

What type of test do you take...

To see if you get into grad school, you take the GRE.

To see if you get into med school, you take the MCAT.

What test do you take to see if you can be a politician?

Lie detector.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

Boss asked me to buy counterfeit detector pens...

I said I'll just get the real ones.

An overweight criminal takes a lie detector test to prove his innocence.

This is the cops' last chance to prove his guilt.

They hook him up to the detector and tell him, "First we will ask you an obvious question and you must lie. If the machine registers your lie we will ask you about the crime and you will go to jail. If it does not you are free to leave."

"I understand." He says.

"Everyone in this room is fit except you. Do you think you are the lightest?" They ask.

He says, "Sir, I am closer to the lie test than any of you."

A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies

The dad asks his son, where were you today ? And the son says, at school and the robot slaps him. Then the son says ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda . Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes what? You're too young to hang out with girls I never hung out with girls at your age and the robot slaps him. Then the mom starts laughing and says well he is your son after all and the robot slaps her.

Today I cooked something for my family and they all said it was terrible.

Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire.

A Blonde in a Fire

One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.

had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight.

All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

A dad buys a lie detector

He tells his son. This will beep whenever you lie. Where where you? The son says "I was at school" the lie detector beeps. The son says "ok, I was at the sinema with my friends" the lie detector beeps. He says OK I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE!!! we where drinking and doing drugs" the lie detector does not beep. The dad says "COME ON!!! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!! I was at the park with my friends" the lie detector beeps. The mom says " he really is your son" the lie detector beeps once more

A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.

His young son said, I have no naughty books!

The machine quickly hit him.

His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!

The machine quickly hit him.

The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!

The machine quickly hit her.

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........

The man decided to try it out at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?

Son: At school

*The robot slaps the son*

Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD

Dad: Which one?

Son: Kung Fu Panda

*The robot slaps the son again.*

Son: Ok! It was an erotic movie.

Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an erotic movie was.

*The robot slaps the dad.*

Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!

*The robot slaps the mom.*

My wife wanted peace and quiet whilst cooking..

.. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station.

The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is?"



Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.



Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the detector ligo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working detector sensor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes