The Best 46 Detectives Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Detectives jokes. There are some detectives fbi jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these detectives policemen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Detectives Jokes and Puns

Police Lineup

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."

One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station

Detectives have nothing to go on.

Detectives joke, Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station. The police are trying everything to learn where she came from and how she got the bruises but with no results.

Finally one of the detectives notices she has a wedding ring.

"Oh! You have a husband! What does he do?"

"I dunno, beats me."

What do bed detectives solve?

Pillow cases


Today an airplane crashed into a local cemetery

Detectives on scene say that thousands of bodies have been recovered.

Did you here about the IKEA corporation getting away with having that guy killed?

None of the detectives could seem to piece the clues together.

Detectives joke, Did you here about the IKEA corporation getting away with having that guy killed?

What do you call two detectives tracking down a ghost?

Pair-a-normal investigators.

What do you call an elite group of detectives that are comprised of hens?

The Clue Clucks Clan

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?

They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

2 detectives were looking over Juan's murdered, lifeless body..

when one detective says " it looks like he was killed by a golf gun". The other detective said "what's a golf gun?" The other says " I dunno, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

You can explore detectives murder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean detectives investigation dad jokes. There are also detectives puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The Ikea corporation was found not guilty yesterday for assassinating a rival companies CEO.

While there were several damning pieces of evidence, the detectives couldn't seem to put the case together.

I hear kleptomaniacs make the best detectives

They pick up everything.

Two detectives are at a crime scene.

They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.

One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case".

A husband and wife were found smothered in their bed...

Detectives called it the pillow case...

A group of detectives did an investigation into the iPhone 7

They didn't find jack.

Detectives joke, A group of detectives did an investigation into the iPhone 7

Where do detectives go to have a drink?

The Search Bar.

Police are puzzled by the theft of the police station bathrooms. ..

Detectives released a statement saying that "They have nothing to go on".

I have two horses, and they're both detectives.

I guess you could say my hobby is riding dicks.


Why do potatoes make great detectives?

Because they have eyes all over!

Our local police station has had the toilets stolen and the Police Chief has put out a press release. ...

Quote... At this time the detectives have nothing to go on....

When Will Smith was burglarized, what did detectives find at the scene of the crime?

Fresh prints.

What do you call a group of White-Supremacist Detectives?

The Klue-Klux-Klan.

I hear they're building apartment buildings for detectives only

They're calling them Sherlock Homes.

Did you hear the news? Turtle crime is on the rise...

It's true. Just last night a group of turtles snuck up and mugged a snail in the park. A team of detectives interviewed the snail for details on the event. They asked, "So what happened?" The snail answered, "I don't know, it all just happened so fast."

There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station

The detectives are looking into it

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.

A golf gun? What's a golf gun?

I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan

Early this morning thieves stole the toilets from all the police stations in the city.

Right now, detectives have nothing to go on.

I'm in a band called Inadequate Detectives.

We're currently looking for a new drummer, but we haven't found the right guy yet.

Detectives finally arrest two men suspected of robbing a 3M plant.

But they couldn't find any evidence that would stick

Last week, a burglary was reported at the fairgrounds

The burglars appear to have taken the bumper cars, the Tilt-a-Whirl, the spinning teacups, the Whirligig swing, the carousel and the Ferris wheel. Detectives have been searching the fairgrounds for clues, but report they still haven't found anything to go on.

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

They keep their eyes peeled...

What do homicide detectives bake with?

Doe.

What do you call a fight between detectives?

Trench warfare

Hunchbacks would make great detectives

They can start off every investigation saying, "Hmm, I have a hunch".

Did you hear about the athlete shot by a starter pistol at an event?

Detectives believe it was race related.

The toilet was stolen from the police station ....

The detectives say they have nothing to go on. There's just a hole in the ground but they are looking into it.

Why would the sun be a detectives favourite thing?

Cause it always sheds a lot of light on the situation.

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

I've designed a bathroom stall door that will open for everyone except British detectives.

It's called a No Shit, Sure-Lock.

Murder investigation Australia

When some one is killed by violence in Australia

the detectives have it easy, they just wait and see who the boomerang

comes back to.

I've often found that shoe salesmen make quite good detectives...

They always know when something is afoot.

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

There was a murder in town recently

But the detectives found the murder weapon in only 5 minutes...

...It was a brief-case

Where do Detectives park their vehicles?

Undercover.

The toilet was stolen from a local police station

Detectives had nothing to go on..

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the detectives fugitive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working detectives shamus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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