Following is our collection of funny Detective jokes. There are some detective policewoman jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these detective sherlock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
Well, that was an unexpected twist!
when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied I don't know, it all happened so fast.
After a while, he comes out of the room and talks to the police sergeant there with him, "Well, I've asked him just about every question in the book. 'Where were you last night?', 'What were you doing?', 'Who were you with?', everything."
The sergeant asks, "Well have you gotten a confession out of him?"
The detective says, "Not exactly. He keeps saying 'Yes dear' and dozing off."
He needed to keep up with Jenny's U-turns.
Sherlock Ohms
That's why his partner is called Wattson...
...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"
"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.
"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."
"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."
He works on a cold case.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
It's his private eye.
You can explore detective policeman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean detective cid dad jokes. There are also detective puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An Inspectre
Who was the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms
It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.
Sherlock Homes
A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?"
Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct."
The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?"
"The old fool used an elastic rope!"
"I'll get to the bottom of this."
Can someone please tell me where Cognito is?
Sherlock Ohms
Detective: Well, who do you think did it?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I have a hunch.
and asks the partygoers,
"Do you guys have any Nacho Cheese?"
The partygoers respond,
"No dip, Sherlock."
Suspect: "At home, sir."
Detective: "That's where the murder happened idiot."
His lawyer asks "When and where did the murder take place?"
Detective "Around midnight at the MGM."
Lawyer "Well my client is definitely innocent then."
Detective "How's that?"
Lawyer "He was at The Bellagio then, he would have to be some kind of magician to be in two places at once."
They never appointed a lead detective
I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.
Detective: What happened to E?
Pathologist: Looking at the remains' bone structures, all I can tell you is that E had to be a guy.
Detective: I guess that makes this case about a Mister E.
How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.
A golf gun? What's a golf gun?
I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan
Ones a Private Investigator, the others a Privates Investigator
Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet
The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?
They get into a huge fight about it and she finally says I think we need to split up
The husband replies That's a great idea we can cover more ground that way
(Sorry if this has been posted before I only heard it today)
I said, Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
Sherlock, Holmes.
Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
One day I asked him why.
He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
He always had a good hunch
A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that one guy to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the one guy
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
Why did the duck become a detective?
Why?
So he could QUACK the case!
Detective: dear god
Officer: most likely yes
A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.
The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.
It was a tip off.
Neither party can agree on who's fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective's first day on the job and his boss tells him, If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail you will be fired. The steaks are high.
The general asks the man: We want a person with a suspicious mind, one who is always alert. Merciless and ready to attack. Someone who has an acute sense of hearing and has detective ability. And most importantly having a killer instinct!
So do you think you are eligible?
The man replies: Sir... can my wife apply!???
Wife: "My husband has got to be the worst detective!"
Friend: "Why do you say that?"
Wife: "He said he wouldn't rest until he found his suspect"
Friend: "That doesn't sound so bad"
Wife: "He was talking in his sleep!"
A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he gets a call from a NYPD detective. Puzzled, he picks up the phone and listens as the detective details the fact patterns of a homicide. After about 5 minutes the detective finishes, re-summarizes the facts, and asks the urologist: "Who do you think committed the murder?"
The urologist says "Listen, fella, I think you have the wrong number. I'm a doctor."
The detective says "Right! So, in urinalysis, who committed the crime?
he had a hunch.
Sherlock Ohms!
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
He always had a hunch.
Me: Excellent idea. That way we can cover more ground.
Detective: Dear God!
Officer: Yes, I guess so!
No shit sherlock?
Detective: "Dear, God..."
Officer: "Yeah, probably."
I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
Police detective: 'What can you remember about your mugger?'
Victim: 'He was slim built, with dark hair and wore a cap.'
Police detective: 'Anything else you remember?'
Victim: 'He had a moustache, about 6 foot 2.'
Police detective: That's one hell of a moustache
...it was an open and shut case.
the detective mused. "That means it could only be .... the piano player!"
Everyone gasped and turned towards the mild-mannered entertainer.
"He's the only one who has all the keys!"
No shit Sherlock
No shit Sherlock
Β FINALLY A QUALITY PUN
OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers
Detective: Dear God !!!
OFFICER: Most likely yes
Β
Undercover.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?" "Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
It's always Juan or the otter
"A doctor?"
No shit Sherlock.
They call him a "no shit Sherlock".
Because he's an investi-gator
Sheer Luck Holmes
Two were from Germany, the third was Czechoslovakian. They were about two days into their hunting trip, having a good ol' time when two bears come out of nowhere and devoured the three hunters.
Crime scene investigation was called in after a couple of hikers stumbled across the bloody campsite, and the detective came to the conclusion that the two Germans were eaten up by the female bear.
When asked how he knew, he pointed behind a tent where the second bear was sprawled out dead, with a foot sticking out, and he said, 'well, if you do a dna test, you'll find that the Czech is in the male.'
Thank you. I'm here all night.
He cracked the case.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the detective inspector jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working detective investigator piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.