Detect Jokes

78 detect jokes and hilarious detect puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about detect that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Detect Short Jokes

Short detect jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The detect humour may include short identify jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  2. My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
  3. What's a good name for a detective? Mr. E
    * My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
  4. My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that "we should split up"
    "Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"
  5. My girlfriend said she's fed up with me always pretending I'm a detective, and that we should split up... I told her that's great, we can cover more ground that way.
  6. What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect? "What were you doing the night between November and May?"
  7. OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an alter made of antlers. Detective: dear god
    Officer: most likely yes
  8. What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect? "What were you doing the night between November and May?"
    I'll see myself out.
  9. Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives? They're called the Clue Clucks Clan
  10. There's a hole in the women's bathroom wall at the police station The detectives are looking into it

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Detect One Liners

Which detect one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with detect? I can suggest the ones about inspect and alert.

  1. What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally? Sheer luck Holmes
  2. What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician Sherlock Ohms
  3. I have a fridge that beeps when it detects mold Spoiler alert
  4. Why do dumplings make great detectives? They always know how to “wrap up” a case!
  5. Why do snowmen make terrible detectives? They always melt under pressure!
  6. Why do accordion teachers make great detectives? They always find the key.
  7. What do you call a ghost detective? An Inspectre
  8. Anti vaccinated kids show no sign of autism Because autism isn't detected until age 3
  9. I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today It was a lovely discovery
  10. What do you call a detective and a part-time electrician? Sherlock Ohms!
  11. Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye? It's his private eye.
  12. Why did the PI detective cross the road? He needed to keep up with Jenny's U-turns.
  13. I knew a detective that was a cannibal He loved grilling people.
  14. I went metal detecting in Germany hoping to find an old coin. I missed the mark though.
  15. I did surgery on a detective today... was an open and shut case.

Detect joke, I did surgery on a detective today...

Uproarious Detect Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about detect you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sense jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make detect pranks.

Why did the detective lose his second job at the airport?

He kept cracking cases.

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp?

Well, that was an unexpected twist!

A Detective is in a room questioning a suspect

After a while, he comes out of the room and talks to the police sergeant there with him, "Well, I've asked him just about every question in the book. 'Where were you last night?', 'What were you doing?', 'Who were you with?', everything."
The sergeant asks, "Well have you gotten a confession out of him?"
The detective says, "Not exactly. He keeps saying 'Yes dear' and dozing off."

A detective tries to find to where his clothes were stolen

It was a brief case.

Which detective investigates electrical crimes?

Sherlock Ohms
That's why his partner is called Wattson...

You know how to detect procrastinator,

Who's the best detective in Mexico?


2 detectives were looking over Juan's murdered, lifeless body..

when one detective says " it looks like he was killed by a golf gun". The other detective said "what's a golf gun?" The other says " I dunno, but it sure made a hole in Juan."

How does a detective stay cool in hot summer?

He works on a cold case.

Your parents are so fat...

scientists detect gravitational waves when they have s**...

Two detectives are at a crime scene.

They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.
One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case".

People on the Internet are so s**......

They can never detect my sarcasm.

Two detectives were investigating a m**... at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

How did the detective solve the case of the missing nun?

Through the process of cross-examination.

I told my psychiatrist that I believe I have the power to detect Indian bread for miles around.

He said that's naan-sense.

The Detective

Who was the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms

Where do detectives go to have a drink?

The Search Bar.

What did the detective particle say to the suspect particle?

I got my ion you.

What did the detective say when he received a really long letter?

"I'll get to the bottom of this."

Turns out dogs can't detect cancer

Cats can...

They say dogs can detect cancer by scent..

Wondering if CAT scan too..

What did Detective Mills get for his birthday?

Some head.

Dogs operating XRays cannot detect brain tumours.

But CAT scan!

A detective in Paris is conversing with the hunchback of Notre Dame about a m**... committed the previous night

Detective: Well, who do you think did it?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I have a hunch.

A detective has finally solved a high profile dog m**....

He successfully followed a lead.

What did the detective say on the Titanic?

"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this"

What did the detective see when he responded to the string of crimes at local liquor stores?

A bunch of cold cases.

Detective asked why I tried robbing the bank. I said it was a prank

"but you succeeded 4 times before"
"well, that makes it a prank that went wrong"

A detective walks into a party...

and asks the partygoers,
"Do you guys have any Nacho Cheese?"
The partygoers respond,
"No dip, Sherlock."

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..."

Turned out to be a red herring.

Detective: "Where were you on the night of the m**...?"

Suspect: "At home, sir."
Detective: "That's where the m**... happened idiot."

Why do they use AI (Captcha, etc.) to detect if you're a robot online?

It takes one to know one.

What would a skeptic say if you were to tell them that you had a supernatural ability to detect Indian bread?


What does the detective get on adding up the clues one by one?

The way to make odds even.

What did the detective say while interrogating a clock accused of m**...?

"LISTEN PUNK! We know what makes you tick, and we have ways to make you tock!"

What did the detective conclude at the end of the vending machine vandalism case?

It was out of Sprite.

What does a detective wear on a flight?


Detectives finally arrest two men suspected of robbing a 3M plant.

But they couldn't find any evidence that would stick

A detective walked over to his car

As he made the approach, he saw a smattering of crow f**... on it and said,
*"There's been a m**......"*

Why was the detective concerned when the baseball team of all geese won the World Series?

He suspected fowl play.

What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

"Where were you on the night of September to March?"

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive

A detective was working on a case ...

..... Because he couldn't afford a desk.

A detective is trying to solve a m**... mystery

A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.
The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.

A detective went for a circumcision.

It was a tip off.

Detective Work

A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he gets a call from a NYPD detective. Puzzled, he picks up the phone and listens as the detective details the fact patterns of a h**.... After about 5 minutes the detective finishes, re-summarizes the facts, and asks the urologist: "Who do you think committed the m**...?"
The urologist says "Listen, fella, I think you have the wrong number. I'm a doctor."
The detective says "Right! So, in urinalysis, who committed the crime?

My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors

But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn't smell good.

how did the detective know that quasimodo was the killer?

he had a hunch.

A detective story

11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. sign of struggle
11:45 - Found m**... weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken

"Detective, we found the body eviscerated under an altar made of antlers."

Detective: "Dear, God..."
Officer: "Yeah, probably."

Start using "/s" today!

How else are you going to remind others about their inability to detect sarcasm? /s

What did the Detective say to the Puppeteer when he was investigating a m**...?

*did you have a hand in this?*

Where do Detectives park their vehicles?


Why can't you lie to a cardiologist?

Because they can detect a fib.
(My neurologist friend told me that one. I told him that was tachy)

That detective must be from Florida

Because he's an investi-gator

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

What did the detective name his dog?


After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

There's a detective who figures out crime by sitting on the toilet.

He solves cases by process of elimination.

What does a detective with bad posture say?

"I have a hunch."

Detect joke, What does a detective with bad posture say?

jokes about detect